Interesting question

[PUN-ish]

Hi. This is my first post.

Do you girls think that it is possible for you to live with any man, if you both put the effort in making it work?

Bear in mind that both of you are trying to work it out. You are supposed to leave your *shallow* thoughts aside and consider the situation. That man is a human being just like you. He has needs like you do.

Please, think about it carefully.

[DoesntMatter]

Do you girls think that it is possible for you to live with any man, if you both put the effort in making it work?

Is "any" the keyword? Otherwise this would be a stupid ass post and I can say plenty of men and women live together

There are plenty of repulsive guys that women would never even look at, let alone live with. I think I can accurately answer this question even though I'm a guy

[misombra]

um, what's the problem?

[vashti]

It may be possible, but why would you bother? If it requires such a great deal of effort, it clearly isn't a match.

[PUN-ish]

Yes, any would be a keyword.
And the reason why theses women won't look at that certain guy is perhaps because
1.the guy is making it harder for them to look at
2.the women are too shallow to look at him
thus not respecting my "conditions"

What kind of relationship does not need work? A match that isn't can become one if work is done toward that goal, don't you think?

[TheSphinx]

What kind of relationship does not need work?

Outside of the work needed to earn money. A relationship with a prostitute is generally considered "work" free.

A match that isn't can become one if work is done toward that goal, don't you think?

If they are working, most people I know are doing it after the relationship has begun and developed. Why work to try and develop a relationship with someone who isn't attracted to you in the first place?

What are your "conditions?" What are they conditions for? Clarify.

~Sphinx

[misombra]

i'm so lost. i don't see what the problem is.

[PUN-ish]

There's no relationship with a prostitute.

And like I said, leave your *shallow* thoughts (money, beauty, fame) aside and consider the situation. Think in terms of reason, not in terms of instincts. Theses are the "conditions".

Here's an illustration of what I'm trying to say: In some ancient time, some people would marry women for charity (marry a poor woman to give her a better living), others would marry women to bring the "community" or 2 distant families together. Today, we guys marry because we "like" a woman for her beauty, her fame, her family, etc.

Let's put you women in a situation; imagine you're "ugly" and poor. You do have needs like any other women on this earth. Perhaps you deserve a partner even more than anyone else. Now, in this kind of situation, would you feel it would be "fair" if men did not marry for a woman's beauty or for any other "stupid" reason?

[vashti]

Are you asking whether or not arranged marriages are "fair"? Surely in Western cultures, the answer would be "no". In Eastern cultures, the answer would be "yes".

[TheSphinx]

I'm still not very clear on what you are trying to ask.

In terms of using the word "shallow," it's often used by someone to "guilt" another person into their belief system or moral code. (Don't want to be caught dating a gorgeous woman, my friends will call me "shallow.")

You say to leave "shallow" things like money out of it, but you cite that in ancient times, "...people would marry women for charity (marry a poor woman to give her a better living)." How is that not related to money?

You also say that, "...others would marry women to bring the "community" or 2 distant families together" and go on to say that, "Today, we guys marry because we "like" a woman for her beauty, her fame, her family, etc."

Would rephrasing your question as, "Is it fair that men today marry based on personal preference rather than duty or obligation to family/society?" be along the same lines as what you're trying to ask?

Using your exact situation (given there is one) would probably be the clearest way to communicate your question/point.

~Sphinx

[faith7]

i think it's possible. i think there might be some up and downs of course but, i truly believe that if two people are open to it, it would work!

[intrepido]

There's no relationship with a prostitute.

And like I said, leave your *shallow* thoughts (money, beauty, fame) aside and consider the situation. Think in terms of reason, not in terms of instincts. Theses are the "conditions".

Here's an illustration of what I'm trying to say: In some ancient time, some people would marry women for charity (marry a poor woman to give her a better living), others would marry women to bring the "community" or 2 distant families together. Today, we guys marry because we "like" a woman for her beauty, her fame, her family, etc.

Let's put you women in a situation; imagine you're "ugly" and poor. You do have needs like any other women on this earth. Perhaps you deserve a partner even more than anyone else. Now, in this kind of situation, would you feel it would be "fair" if men did not marry for a woman's beauty or for any other "stupid" reason?

Punish-

My interpretation of your question is this...People tell you to be with someone that deserves you, someone that is on your level etc etc. I am of the mind that someone who is normal with no problems doesnt necessarily "deserve" a good guy as much as someone who has some problems. The normal girl is surely entitled to the good guy but the girl who has problems and has been treated less than well her whole life is more deserved of a good man than the normal girl. A lot of times these women, with the problems, tend to think they are not worthy of a good man and wind up settling and making excuses why they will or do settle.
I am in a situation now that is along the lines of what you are talking about. Let me explain...

When my ex and I first began dating things were great, however she would always tell me that I am going to leave her some day, that she doesnt deserve me etc. She has panic disorder and agoraphobia. From what I know most guys have not treated her all that great in the past. Her most serious relationship ended when she found him in bed with another woman. That guy was an alcoholic who would leave in the middle of the nite to go drinking and she would have to go out and find him.
I come along and she tells me that she loves me more than anyone in her entire life, wants to have my children etc. She is 6 years older than me, Im 24 and she 30. I am goin to med school soon and she may not be able to come with me because of her problems. I think she deserves a good man though. I broke up with her a few times because I thought that it wasnt going to work out between us. She wouldnt have it and told me the million ways we could make it work. I believed her and got on board. Now she broke up with me saying she doesnt think its goin to work right now and that she has to work on getting herself together. While we were together her problems were fine, she was getting better, she has a job now tho and is doing well. Im happy for her. She told me tho, that she realizes she will have to settle for someone less desirable who makes a little bit of money so she can have kids and send them to good schools. This is not what the way she wants it to happen for her, she is only making excuses.

Before I go off on too much more of a tangent tho I would just like to say that I understand what you mean. I dont want a "normal" girl, one who has no problems because I have a need to help, want to be a doctor. I think she is more deserving of a good man then the normal girl...my 2 cents

[vashti]

Intrepido, your need to rescue the emotionally troubled is going to be your downfall. You might want to explore why you feel attracted to people who need fixing, and what that says about you.

[Charlie Boy II]

Is Intrepido the one that never stops talking about what a good guy he is? And what a great catch?

[intrepido]

Sorry, I didnt think Ive said that Im a good guy that much, apologies.

I dont know why Im attracted to those that need fixing. I have images tho from my ex where she was crying once about her father, and another time she was just standing there all alone and in need and I just get strongest feelings in times like these.

Most of the girls ive been with have had family problems, no father, or another issue. I think some guys write them off right away after finding out that theres a little problem there but I think I can do something to help and that draws me in. All of my girlfriends have told me that Id make a great dad, especially the ones that didnt have a father, like my recent ex. I think they might be attracted to me for something like that.

I dont know, what does anyone else think?