Trying to understand....

[Stresscity]

Hi, I am new to this forum but I am in desperate need for some understanding. I feel like I am losing my relationship of 5 yrs now. I will try to explain it without a novel... About a couple months ago my BF reconnected with an exgirlfriend on those reunion school websites. Next thing I know they are Instant messaging and text messaging constantly. I told him I didn't like it and that I felt that I was being pushed aside in the relationship. Well I got the cell phone bill and it seems that he calls her everyday on his way to work on top of texting. This girl lives in a completely idfferent state and is married. The thing that got me is that she is hiding from her husband and I found out has told my BF that if he recieves calls or messages at certain times he is to act like he has no clue.
He tells me that she is just a friend but I dont get why there needs to be a phone call EVERYDAY. I understand having friends sending emails etc once in a while but daily?!
I'm I reading into this way too far?? Is there something I am not getting here?
Also when I tell him I love you he now replies with "somtimes, yeah yeah and once in a great while I love you too"

Please help! I am scared that I am losing him.
E~

[Mish]

You know what would be a cool thing to do? Call the house number of the girl until her husband picks up and say something along the lines of "Have you seen my boyfriend around your house? He's been meeting up frequently with your wife who happens to be his ex, but I need to tell him something". And then see what happens


What he's doing is abnormal and I think you need to confront him on this. Maybe confrontation will exacerbate the situation and maybe there will be a drastic reaction. But can you seriously continue living like this, knowing that it's getting worse and worse with each passing day?

Tell him, plain and simple. Show him the bill, calling an ex everyday is not normal and you will not stand for this. Don't let him treat you like a doormat.

[vashti]

It is obvious he cares more about protecting his relationship with her than he does about how you feel. I wouldn't put up with that.

[Loverman1985]

Vashti is right, he doesn't deserve you.. I know for sure he wants to be more then just friends with his ex.. I even think that when you allow this to continue they will start to meet eachother.

If I were you I would say you stop your relationship and see how fast he comes runnning to you when you really do that. If he doesn't.. it's the best awnser you will ever get!

[Stresscity]

Loverman1985,
The problem is that we have a child together and I have no place to go where we live. It would be really hard on the kids and I fear that. I know that its not healthy for the kids as well to stay in something that isn't working between the parents. I hate this with all my heart and don't know how to express this without a major fight breaking out. We have argued over this many times and all he says she is my friend deal with it. He makes me out to be this jealous GF and I am not. He has gone out many times without me and I dont sit there and call him wondering where he is or what he is doing. I have accepted some of his ways (like not a cuddler) all I asked him was for some small jesters and I have yet to see it. Would I be wrong to give him till 2009? He has a couple weeks off for xmas so If I see how he acts towards me then and see what I feel after that.

Thank you for your replies its helpful I was worried that I was becoming a overly jealous annoying GF.

[Gigabitch]

Wow- he's really got you in a corner. It sounds like you're ready to apologize for the perfectly valid feeling of jealousy about his behavior.

Wtf? He's got a kid with you, for ****'s sake. Why shouldn't you be jealous about him acting like a lovesick dog over this married ex of his? This is disgusting. You might be a doormat.

[Stresscity]

Giga~
Wow you really expressed it well. I really like how you put the doormat comment it really expresses it the best and I am going to use that when I tell him what is up. I will keep posting ..I am glad I looked for some help here.

[Gigabitch]

God, I hope you're not as screwed as it sounds like you are. He sounds like an emotional bully. Do you have any family nearby, in case he decides to throw you out?

[IndiReloaded]

Yes, you have reason to worry. Yes, what he is doing is not normal. Sounds like they are on the verge of an affair & he is either lying or in denial about it. Stomp on him & them NOW. It may not save your relationship, but it might save their marriage, or vice-versa.

[run2white]

It's at the stage of an emotional affair. I'm going through something very similar right now. Careful about how you confront the issue. I confronted my girlfriend and she made sure I no longer had access to knowing what she was doing, rather than suddenly having a change of heart like I would have hoped for.

My approach now is one of building up her self-esteem and not mentioning the affair, and I think she's coming around on her own in realizing she's made a mess.

What he's doing is wrong. It's cheating. Just be careful how you deal with the issue. Anything can happen, hopefully it doesn't get pushed into the arena of physical intimacy. Hopefully, one or both of them will come to their senses once the mutual fantasy gets close to crossing that line.

It still hurts. I know. But don't doubt that what's going on is okay. It's not. But you still have some power over the situation. Protect that power and use it wisely.

[IndiReloaded]

It's at the stage of an emotional affair. I'm going through something very similar right now.

I agree w/you about their EA & sorry to hear about your own issue, White.

I've enjoyed your posts so far. You seem a reasonable fellow & I hope you stick around a bit. Welcome to the forum, btw.

[run2white]

Thank you, Indi. I stalled in joining in, I just didn't want to feel like I was crashing another party all by myself. But I'm finding the forum active with plenty of sincere people participating.

[IndiReloaded]

Thank you, Indi. I stalled in joining in, I just didn't want to feel like I was crashing another party all by myself. But I'm finding the forum active with plenty of sincere people participating.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I enjoy reading posts from thoughtful ppl. The forum will slow down, tho, as the holidays approach & posters leave for a while, so don't let that deter you. I'm leaving for a couple weeks soon as are several others I think.

Anyway, you're welcome & crash away.

[Stresscity]

run,
Thats what I thought it is too but I keep trying to think that I am over reading into the situation. I am trying to find ways to cope and try to approach this correctly. I am grateful that all of you have posted and helped me to know that I am not wrong for my thoughts.
Lately I have issues of wanting to spy on him go thru his email and what not. Yet I can't do it, thats not what I want to do I will drive my self mad if I start that up. I just want some time with him, like the time he gives her on the phone.

[Mish]

Giga~
Wow you really expressed it well. I really like how you put the doormat comment it really expresses it the best and I am going to use that when I tell him what is up. I will keep posting ..I am glad I looked for some help here.

First of all.

I used the doormat comment first!!


Second of all, if I were you I would confront his abnormal behaviour with the record of him calling the number on the bills. It might not fix the problem or make situation anymore pleasant, but it will make him think more carefully about what he's doing and how he is hurting you by what he does. Maybe he will continue to do this, but hide it more carefully, this will only make things harder for him and he will really have to be on his way out to continue this contact knowing that he's being watched and he can't afford to slip up. It will make him a bad guy in your eyes and the eyes of anyone you decide to tell this, thus this bill gives you power.

It may escalate after this and you should be ready for the worst (even move out if you have to), but if you don't take this drastic step now he will continue to ignore your feelings and gradually treat you worse and worse, until you submit completely into anything he says or does. I understand that all you really want is for him to spend more time with you, the way things are going I don't think this will be happening any time soon (Regardless which action you take), so you might as well go for righting the wrongs being done to you.