reunion with a crush from 10 yrs ago....

[nicegirl5432]

hello there! sorry for this being so long.............!!

i recently reunited with an old crush that ive known for about 10 or 11 years. we used to work together when we were both in our late teens, he was 17 when we met, and i was almost 20. we worked together for about 2 years, and we ended up hanging out alot, he knew i liked him very much. due to circumstances beyond our control, the timing wasnt right and i was going thru a break up as well as raising a 2 year old daughter. we ended up becoming good friends, and one night he kissed me. he soon got weird around me, and slowly pulled away from our friendship and whatever it was that he started that nite he decided to kiss me. we lost touch for many years after that, but i never quit wondering what could have been or how he felt about me.

about a year ago, i found him on myspace, after all this time and sent him an email. he responded right away, and gave me his number, telling me to call him "sometime" and for us to meet for lunch or coffee. we emailed a few more times, and eventually i made the call. we spent a few weeks playing "phone tag" but then were finally able to connect, we talked on the phone, but after the conversation, didnt talk for months. for the last year or so, this has been the pattern. we talk every 4 months or so and its been brief, with me always being the one to end our conversations.

almost 2 months ago, he text me out of the blue. since then we have been talking every couple of days, and about 2 and a half weeks ago, we finally met up for a quick drink after all these years! we ended up taking for 3 hrs. we had so much in common and i thought we both had a really good time. he didnt call back for days, so i text him to see how things were. he seemed very happy to hear from me.

even so, a few days ago, i got frustrated and decided i wasnt going to play this game of going back and forth with him, and i basically put it out there that we are both adults and single and we could essentially hook up if thats what we both wanted. he was extremely excited! he asked me to go over that night, but i was nervous and tried to stall. we both came to the conclusion of picking up our conversation again the next day due to the late hour of the nite. well the next day, after he had been so willing to see me the night before, and after he took the lead and was egging me on, he decides that he doesnt think its a good idea and we shouldnt "hook up." he said that he knew things that started this way, always ended badly and he didnt want to mess things up. i apologized for my role in starting the whole thing and he said it was fine and that we could act like it never happened. i said ok, and that i felt so stupid, but he had my number and id leave the ball in his court, if he wanted to hang out again, he could call me. he teased about waiting another 10 yrs to meet up again. at the end of the conversation he thanked me for calling, and said "take care."

i am so confused by what all this means? i really like this guy alot, and i feel so stupid for maybe ruining what could have been a good thing after all these years. am i a fool for doing that or do i still have any kind of chance??

thanks for all the help anyone would be able to provide!

[IndiReloaded]

This is why women should never, ever call first. If you want him to take you seriously, show interest, but let him make the first call. Sorry guys, but its the truth.

[nicegirl5432]

ya big mistake on my part to say the least! but now what should i do?

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like there's nothing much for you to do. He's into a quick hook up from all the signals. You want a relationship. If that's so, you have to wait for him to make the call. Personally, I wouldn't be interested in any male not Alpha enough to step up to the plate on his own initiative.

Do you have any mutual friends where you can hang out so he can see you without needing to interact with him? That's an indirect way of attracting his interest, if he has any.

[nicegirl5432]

no, none that i know of anyways. he lives about 5 mins down the street from me if even that. im not sure if i would ever run into him anywhere though.

just a little confused i guess about why he would want to hook up so bad at first, and then the next day change his mind? he was pushing harder than i was! i know i messed up by initiating it to begin with and call him, i feel awful ! :O(

[CAM]

Please be brief with these stories...I do not have a long attention span

[IndiReloaded]

The fact that you didn't hear from him for a while, then you bit the bullet & suggested you hook up & he leapt at it, says he's only into a quick hook up.

You are a single mom, yes? I would tread carefully. Again, what you do depends on what you want.

If I were you, & looking for a relationship not a casual fling, I wouldn't contact this guy again. If he calls you, say you are interested in dating but not casually hooking up, you have a child to think of, etc. If he bolts, then you know.

Good luck.

[nicegirl5432]

good point :O) i appreciate the advice! Thanks for taking the time!

[Only-virgins]

This is why women should never, ever call first. If you want him to take you seriously, show interest, but let him make the first call. Sorry guys, but its the truth.

What is the truth again? That sucks cause I NEVER make a call. Advice like that keeps girls away from me.

[ExpoNovak]

I hate to burst your bubble here but if he were as into you as you are into him, things wouldn't be going down this way. He would call, he wouldn't claim that he is pulling away to not "mess things up" because c'mon..you haven't seen the guy in 10 years, what could he possibly mess up at this point? He's old enough and mature enough now to not play the kind of emotional games that would have been typical of his age group 10 years ago.

Keep him as a friend on myspace if you wish, but terminate any hopes of this going further--it obviously isn't and its no fault of yours. You didn't ruin anything, you played by the book and did everything you are supposed to do. If it worked out every time, life wouldn't be nearly as entertaining. Besides, if he's that flaky is he really somebody you want to bring around your kid?

[gHEXjt]

just a little confused i guess about why he would want to hook up so bad at first, and then the next day change his mind?

Okay, here's the deal with this question. His wanting to hook up with you should not be questioned and nor should his logic about doing something like that ultimately ending badly. It's true that it always does. Someone always ends up getting hurt, usually the woman. The reason he was willing to do it one night and came to his senses the next was more likely than not a result of him jerking off right before he talked to you on day 2. For a very short period of time after taking part in that activity, men get a feeling that is something like this, "I don't need women. And right now I can actually think clearly."

[vashti]

Sorry, nicegirl... I believe indi is correct. The guy may have reservations about your parental status. Who knows? I don't think you made a mistake in speaking up about him not contacting you. I think you just saved yourself a whole bunch of time and agony.

And yeah, I think if a guy really wants you, he'll call. Let him.

[IndiReloaded]

What is the truth again?

That a lot of women think the way I said:

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in any male not Alpha enough to step up to the plate on his own initiative.

This is just for the initial contact, btw. Once I was dating someone, I had no problem taking the lead my fair share of the time.

[nicegirl5432]

so im definately not going to call. i feel like an idiot anyways after being rejected. i told him up front that the ball was in his court and he knew my number. i dont want to make myself look any more desperate by trying to keep in touch. BTW, i just got out of a 2 1/2 yr relationship a little while back. i wasnt looking to date anyone and i definately didnt want antther realationship. but he made the move to call me out of the blue......come to find out from him, that he called me a week after he broke up with his girlfriend!! so pardon my need to be immature for a second.......But he started it!! LOL!! i had to get that off my chest :O) its ok really, im not going to die or anything. just curious to say the least. I think its funny how a guy and girl have very different advice..........

[IndiReloaded]

This thread is a double post & there are more responses in the other one. Maybe a mod can close this one & transfer the posts?

EDIT: Thank you to whichever mod combined these threads.