Saying that she's single when she's not

[ilikespaghetti]

I knew this girl for about 6 months and we worked in the same office. I've never really professed to her that I love her or anything but I really liked her. I wanted to take things slowly by getting to know her a little bit better before we take on the next step. She told me that she's single on our first date and she put her status as single in her social networking page.

We meet everyday at our workplace and we would go out for lunch and movie occasionally during the weekend. And I would text her once a while saying that I'm thinking about her and she would reply. All the while she did not tell me anything that she's with someone or that she's seeing someone in particular.

It all started last month during her birthday. I ordered a bouquet of flower and send it to her anonymously with the message that it's from someone who 'adores' her smile. I did not tell her that the flower was from me and neither did I ask her what's written on the card. 2 weeks later I text-ed her and said that what I like the most about her is her smile.

To my surprise, she did not reply my text but we were still talking fine until yesterday when I saw her at a mall with some other guy and holding hands. I felt somewhat stupid and I thought maybe I should turn around and walk away but it was already too late as she saw me. She let go of her hands and said hi to me. I was sort of lost for words and asked something silly like "what are you doing here". She did not introduce me to the other guy and we went our way after that.

Ever since then I just felt quite awkward each time I see her. She did not explain anything to me and she's still putting her status as single on her social networking page despite logging on everyday. I'm not saying that she's cheating on me, lying or anything but I'm just somewhat disappointed that she did not tell me that she's going out with other guys.

Should I act like nothing happened and stop all my pursuits or should I talk to her about it?

[ExpoNovak]

Unless you guys specifically established exclusivity then she's still free to see other guys, and yes she is "single" while she does that. Granted, perhaps she should have mentioned this to you in passing, but for whatever reason she didn't and thus the awkward encounter in the mall. I doubt that guy was her boyfriend because if he was she wouldn't have dropped his hand when you walked up.

Fact is, if you still want to see the girl and want her to date only you then telepathy just isn't going to work, my friend. You will have to sit her down and talk to her about it. Personally I find this kind of refreshing as it seems to me that way too many people these days hop from relationship to relationship without ever just dating around. Perhaps you should do the same. It has its pluses.

[Mathias]

Fact is, if you still want to see the girl and want her to date only you then telepathy just isn't going to work, my friend. You will have to sit her down and talk to her about it. Personally I find this kind of refreshing as it seems to me that way too many people these days hop from relationship to relationship without ever just dating around. Perhaps you should do the same. It has its pluses.

It does. Plus, you never feel hurt in these situations, because you're always dating twice as many people as she is.

[misombra]

but it is weird that she wouldn't tell you she was dating other people.

usually if a person was, it is only right to make that known, q no?

[vashti]

Exponovack should post more often.

[Mathias]

but it is weird that she wouldn't tell you she was dating other people.

usually if a person was, it is only right to make that known, q no?

When I'm first starting to date someone, I don't feel it's necessary. After a month or so, sure.

But first/second/third dates? Little weird.

[misombra]

i agree.

she's just having some fun. if you start to bug her about it, she's gonna run.

wait, she's already running.

[Mathias]

Exponovack should post more often.

This is what I'm saying. If there were LF awards, he'd be leading most categories right now.

[misombra]

When I'm first starting to date someone, I don't feel it's necessary. After a month or so, sure.

But first/second/third dates? Little weird.

oooooo you were too fast!

anyway, i don't know. if it were me, and i were single and just dating around and having fun, nothing serious... i would be telling that person that that is what i'm doing. it would be one of the first things out of my mouth.

::::don't get attached to me, i am unavailable. if you want to have fun too, then awesome, if not, i will be running away fast as i can::::

that's the general message.

[IndiReloaded]

She sounds either dumb, insensitive or both.

If understand correctly, you sent her flowers & she never thanked you. Then you met her in a public place and she lacked the social grace to say hello & introduce her companion to you.

You seem young & a bit awkward, but with good intentions & manners. I think you should try to find someone with a better upbringing.

BTW, flowers to someone you aren't actually dating regularly might seem a bit much to some ppl.

[Only-virgins]

Unless you guys specifically established exclusivity then she's still free to see other guys, and yes she is "single" while she does that. Granted, perhaps she should have mentioned this to you in passing, but for whatever reason she didn't and thus the awkward encounter in the mall. I doubt that guy was her boyfriend because if he was she wouldn't have dropped his hand when you walked up.

Fact is, if you still want to see the girl and want her to date only you then telepathy just isn't going to work, my friend. You will have to sit her down and talk to her about it. Personally I find this kind of refreshing as it seems to me that way too many people these days hop from relationship to relationship without ever just dating around. Perhaps you should do the same. It has its pluses.

This is bullshit, it is the other way around. If you don't want to stay exclusive than you mention it rather than having to mention that you do want to stay exclusive since by human culture it is given that the point of a relationship is to be exclusive. That is what I though dating meant. She dropped his hand because she didn't want to get busted.

i agree.

she's just having some fun. if you start to bug her about it, she's gonna run.

Honestly I wouldn't want to be anyones fun toy. I and I am sure like this guy deserve some respect and seeing the person you are starting to build interest for walking through a mall holding hands with someone is down right insulting and disrespectful ... in my opinion I would hope she would run fast so I don't have to see her again...but like most people that come here for advice...he probably is a pansy...


Listen to Indigo TC, you deserve more respect than this.

[ilikespaghetti]

what i'm saying here is that she could've at least be frank with me, drop me a hint, treat me like a jerk to show that she's not interested, anything at all but please just don't let me find out this way.

anyway, she told me what i wanted to hear last night. i went out for dinner with another colleague and she decided to join us last minute. i sent her back after the dinner and she told me that she's going out for a late night movie with her 'boyfriend' after that. we didn't really say much after that and i don't think we will next time.

[Mish]

it would be one of the first things out of my mouth.

::::don't get attached to me, i am unavailable. if you want to have fun too, then awesome, if not, i will be running away fast as i can::::

that's the general message.

But what if you wanted to get attached, but it so happened that at once you knew a couple of interesting people that you can get to know around the same time. Would you really be in a rush to tell them that you're dating other people?

Even if they didn't ask?

[misombra]

i don't understand your question.

[vashti]

what i'm saying here is that she could've at least be frank with me, drop me a hint, treat me like a jerk to show that she's not interested, anything at all but please just don't let me find out this way.

anyway, she told me what i wanted to hear last night. i went out for dinner with another colleague and she decided to join us last minute. i sent her back after the dinner and she told me that she's going out for a late night movie with her 'boyfriend' after that. we didn't really say much after that and i don't think we will next time.

Ouch! Well, I guess it is better to know. At least now, you could move on. Maybe next time you want to be exclusive, you should say so a little sooner?