terms of endearment

[alidile]

now he called me "hun"

i feel like the biggest pestering nerd.

this is sooo out of character!

what's that mean though, i mean the terms of endearment, you don't call just anyone hun do you?

[vashti]

I do. I don't know about males, though.

[Mathias]

I hate these.

Anyone really shocked by this?

As far as this situation, I think you're overanalyzing too much, no matter what the situation.

[alidile]

i know i am... plus a kiss on the cheek? my friend said that's more lovey dovey.

[GrkScorp]

hmm.. nvm.. I just read that you're a girl.. very interesting..

[alidile]

hehe, yes indeed i'm a girl.
what's that supposed to mean?

[GrkScorp]

hmm.. nvm.. I just read that you're a girl.. very interesting..

well.. here's the deal.. you know how it's hard for women to be direct about the way they feel towards a guy? you know.. you just can't say it.. or else you're going to burst into flames and the world is going to come to an end.. tragic stuff like that.. so instead you have to be indirect and give hints..

now.. stoop down to a guy's level.. not creative.. mentally lazy.. and little or no self-control over emotional urges.. what do you think "hun" and a "kiss of the cheek" mean?

better question.. if there was a girl he was NOT interested in.. do you think he would call her "hun" or give her "a kiss on the cheek"?

so logically.. this only proves that you are NOT a girl he is NOT interested in.. (I hope you don't construe that to mean that you are a girl he is interested in).. no.. but you're pretty close.. all you have to do is take the second step.. (yes.. that's the title of the book i'm planning to write "The Second Step".. it has that nice ring to it).. anyway.. he's been giving you this hint.. respond and give him a positive hint that also conveys that you're interested in him..

Options: (Indirect)

- Instead of waiting for him to kiss you on the cheek for a HELLO or GOODBYE, why don't YOU be the one to do it first!
- This one I find childish, but women my age still insist, try calling him "babe".. the same way he calls you "hun" just for fun..

Options: (Direct)

- Cut to the chase and tell him, "I know you like me, before you try and pretend you don't, I was wondering if you want to know if I feel the same way".. it's beautiful.. why? Because you're a woman.. and the one thing you fear more than death itself is REJECTION! but this statement doesn't leave any room for that.. re-read it if you have to.. you're simply telling him.. that you know he likes you.. but NOT telling him that you like him.. so in effect there are only two ways this can play out..

1. What are you talking about? I don't like you.. blah blah.. (He's either a wimp who's afraid to admit it, in which case, not worth dating; but even if that's not the case.. you haven't told him that you like him.. so there's no harm done.. you can always say that you didn't like him either)
2. Well, do you feel the same way? (first of all, this implies that he likes you; and now the ball is in your court.. DEAL? or NO DEAL?.. lol).. well.. here is where you tell him that you feel the same way..

- Cut to the chase and offer him a blowjob.. if he rejects, then you can always just laugh and pretend you were joking; leaving him looking like an idiot.. if he accepts, then you at least know that he didn't reject you, and the man has now enjoyed a blowjob..

[alidile]

hahaha... thanks much for the detailed post!
thing is we are already having sex. i'm pretty sure you read one of the previous posts. plus he's a friend that's where things get tricky. i think i'll try the indirect of giving him the kiss first or something.
i think it's too soon to say something like i know you like me... this guy is COCKY, he is used to having girls after him... he doesn't usually have to go for a chick, ever actually, so he has options and it's not as if he doesn't know anything about games... i don't know what he knows but i know he knows something, hence i've been so careful. otherwise i would've already just figured all this out and been direct long ago.

[Mish]

1. What are you talking about? I don't like you.. blah blah.. (He's either a wimp who's afraid to admit it, in which case, not worth dating; but even if that's not the case.. you haven't told him that you like him.. so there's no harm done.. you can always say that you didn't like him either)
2. Well, do you feel the same way? (first of all, this implies that he likes you; and now the ball is in your court.. DEAL? or NO DEAL?.. lol).. well.. here is where you tell him that you feel the same way..

Hehe, good points G

But I side with Alidile on the fact that there are options 3 and 4 and others he could take as well. For instance, he could decide not to answer. Or change the subject without answering the question. Or make a joke that continues the conversation along. Or say, "haha, good one, why didn't I think of that" and continue the conversation or just make silly face and point (Hinting, I know what you're trying to do here). There are a lot of tactics to circumnavigate.

As far as "hun" goes, it definetly shows some form of interest. But then again, having sex also shows some form of interest as well.

[GrkScorp]

As far as "hun" goes, it definetly shows some form of interest. But then again, having sex also shows some form of interest as well.

woah.. let me ask you two questions..

- you mean to tell me, that you're not in a relationship with this guy but you're still having sex with him?

- only if you answered yes to the previous question; what's your number?

all jokes aside.. if that's the case.. sorry.. doesn't sound like the guy what would want anything else out of you.. if he has tons of girls around him.. he's cocky.. the two of you are not in a relationship and you're just freely having sex.. call me an old-timer, but that just seems strange.. and it doesn't look like he's the type of person who would want to commit.. and why would he from his point of view? no-strings-sex not just with you but with a variety of girls.. why on earth would he want to limit himself? because that's all that a relationship is going to seem like in his eyes..

[vashti]

The fact that you are sleeping with him complicates the situation greatly. He might just be calling you "hun" the way I use it with one of my neices or nepheews... it implies a certain sense of familiarity, but may not mean anything more.

The question is, ali, WHY are you settling for acting like his concubine when what you really WANT is a boyfriend? Do you have issues with insecurity? If I were you, I'd quit having meaningless sex with him, and try working on your issues. Start holding out for what you want.

[alidile]

well, sex is an enjoyable passtime. i've done the friends with benefits thing once before and it worked out SWIMMINGLY. so i didn't think this would be any different.
see that's what i don't get. he can have sex whatever he can hook up w/ other people whenever, thats fine, but why is he doing this extra stuff? i don't get the extra stuff.... i've talked to my friends who have done the friends with benefits thing and they've never had that.
he's this guy who is really sensitive and secretly wants to get married have kids live on a farm, he's from a small town, but all his friends are totally different and he kinda got suckered into i guess "celebrity life" for lack of better words, in a larger city, literally. why does he tell me stuff about wanting to settle down and all this? get drunk and reminisce about things that he wishes were?
yeah everything is complicated with the sex, haha.
nah, i don't think its insecurity vashti. i'm a girl who's been used to getting what i want whenever i want it for the last 19 years. This year, not so much, i'm 20 and i've never had problems like this in life! :S

[Gigabitch]

My boyfriend used to do this FWB thing before we got together. He tried to tell me that it had worked for him, and I asked him very carefully about how each had ended, and it sounded.... a lot like your situation.

He had at least three of them in succession, these girls he would sleep with, take out to dinner, but have no emotional responsibility for. He was totally up front about it, and they agreed to it. Every one of them got attached and he had to end it. They got the wrong idea because he was sweet and affectionate.

Eventually, he became disgusted with himself and went through a "cleansing period" where he was alone. When he finally was ready for a relationship, he didn't consider any of the FWB girls, not because they weren't high-quality, girlfriend-material girls, but because that just wasn't their relationship. Girlfriends just don't do FWB.

Hun, you've made a huge mistake allowing yourself to fall for this guy. I think the chances are very slim that your relationship is going to evolve into something else. He just doesn't sound ready for it.

I think you should tell him for your own sake, not because it will make things magically happen. I'm sorry, because I really like you, but I think you're right in the middle of one of those hard lessons life has for us all.

[Mish]

Eventually, he became disgusted with himself and went through a "cleansing period" where he was alone. When he finally was ready for a relationship, he didn't consider any of the FWB girls, not because they weren't high-quality, girlfriend-material girls, but because that just wasn't their relationship. Girlfriends just don't do FWB.

This is why I'm not so keen on the FWB arrangement without emotional attachment. I don't want to doubt myself as a good person. It's not good for the soul.

[Gigabitch]

This is why I'm not so keen on the FWB arrangement without emotional attachment. I don't want to doubt myself as a good person. It's not good for the soul.

Yeah, I don't think you're insensitive enough for FWB, Mish.