Girlfriend broke up with me over porn

[hongkongphooey]

Alright... Just a little background. My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year now. We agree on most everything (politics, religion, activities). Everything was going well until she found some porn pics on my computer. From that point on, I completely lost her trust.
Her reason was that everytime I even look at another girl, it was cheating. "Those girls on the internet are so trashy" she would say. She doesn't understand why I would even want to look at the pictures. Just for the record, I would NEVER cheat on her. I love her very much and still do because well, love doesn't dissappear ovenight. Anyhow, she soon didn't want me to watch tv, wanted me to cancel the cable, wanted to install one of those kid protection programs on my computer, and she would cover my eyes when anything related to sex would show up on the screen. I had to walk down the street pretty much staring at the ground not to risk upsetting her, and everytime a remotely attractive girl would walk by, she would stare at me to make sure that I wasn't checking her out. I'm 25, about to be 26. She's 22. I love my ex very much but this was taxing on our relationship.

To make things worse, she tell her parents with whom I had established a good relationship.

In addition, she recently wrote me an email stating that I should not call her or "I will have to deal with her dad." What is this about? Does she think her dad has any authority to scold me or hurt me? He is a male too and does she think that he never looked at pornography when he was 25. He went to an all-male military institution, of course he did. I find this extremely funny that a girl of 22 years still thinks she needs to hide behind the shield of her parents. Her parents are strong christians but even still, in the christian view, we are ALL sinners. Is her family the only ones exempt from this view? She also stated that I will never amount to anything because of the porn and that I will never get accepted to this one University, also because of the porn. (When infact I did get accepted) She thinks that porn is going to cause my downfall

Do you think a relationship like this is healthy or worth pursuing? Or should I just bury it. Is she going to be in for a rude awakening with her next boyfriend or are there guys out there that really don't look at other pictures, videos, etc...

[Clifton]

speaking from a male perspective, a male who does not jerk off is a lier, wether he is using porn or imagination doesnt really matter, porn just seems to make it easier, shes naive obviously if she thinks all men dont beat off, its natural and any man, or woman who says they dont is just a lier.

[Clifton]

Id say if theres any chance this would work out, youd hafto overcome her own insecurities, most likely by confronting it, and make sure she knows shes who you want, but when shes not there and your horny, your a guy and you will handle it. lol- its funny though, cause porn is actually a way to keep you from cheating, since your taking care of it by yourself.

[nikee-boy]

no advertising

[sfalexi]

Id say if theres any chance this would work out, youd hafto overcome her own insecurities, most likely by confronting it, and make sure she knows shes who you want, but when shes not there and your horny, your a guy and you will handle it.

Well what I would say is that she sounds like a psycho.

Overall she sounds very nice, but she sounds INSANELY jealous. Which is odd (to be THAT jealous). And she literally wrote stating "that I should not call her or 'I will have to deal with her dad.'"? Wow. I would write back saying, "Ok. I won't try to call you." And I'd be thinking while I'm writing it, "Cause if I did, I'd have to deal with YOU."

Do you think a relationship like this is healthy or worth pursuing?

Worth pursuing? I don't think it is. Healthy? I KNOW it's not.

Is she going to be in for a rude awakening with her next boyfriend or are there guys out there that really don't look at other pictures, videos, etc...

She's either gonna end up having to change her ways and realize at some point in the future that it's NOT going to happen, or she's gonna find a boyfriend who's REALLY freakin' good at hiding it. And she'll NEVER know. Or she actually WILL somehow find someone who doesn't look at porn. But finding someone that doesn't masterbate? . . . good luck.

Anyhow, she soon didn't want me to watch tv, wanted me to cancel the cable, wanted to install one of those kid protection programs on my computer, and she would cover my eyes when anything related to sex would show up on the screen. I had to walk down the street pretty much staring at the ground not to risk upsetting her, and everytime a remotely attractive girl would walk by, she would stare at me to make sure that I wasn't checking her out.

Re-read your thread to make sure I answered everythign and caught this the second time around. I firmly re-state that she's a psycho. If canceling cable, having a child-protection program on your computer, looking DOWN while walking and having her burning eyes upon you whenever someone SHE thinks someone attractive is walking by (face it, sometimes what she thinks is attractive is not what YOU would think of your picture of perfection), is going to upset you in the relatoinship, then DON'T call her back. DON'T to to contact her.

However if her insane jealousy isn't going to bother you in the relationship (which since you posted this it obviously already is), THEN there shouldn't be any trouble.

Alexi

[inkystink]

It's too bad if she doesn't like it. Mine is alright with it. It's that whole philosophy of you can build up your appetite anywhere, but you must come home to feed. As long as you're not cheating, there's nothing wrong with it. She's not worth it, go find a porn addicted chick.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

That's just a shitty way to go about things. She's trying to censor you because she's insecure that she's the only one you want. I know a lot of girls who don't want their guys looking at porn for the same reason. Guys do it, accept it or be single. It doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you, it means they need some imagery to work with to deal with their daily need to release. And it is a need, not masturbating frequently causes prostate problems later in life. (not as much later as you'd think either, as early as your mid-20s) Either way restricting you so much is a problem she has with herself, not with you.

[squirrley]

Can I say something about this? I dont think there should be an issue with a guy watching porn or reading it. But I know from experience when I was like 20 young and stupid(ME NOT GENERALIZING HERE) that I wasnt secure with myself-so INITITALLY I took it personally and thought it was me, like I wasnt good enough-not so. I realized very quickly men or most men are stimulated by visuals-hey then go watch them and I started to watch porn WITH him. No biggy...but shes feeling VERY insecure with herself and you have to kinda give her some reassurance because in HER mind youre not with her youre with the hotties from the porn. You know thats not the case but she doesnt.

As far as telling her parents-WOW ok shes really immature in dealing with this issue and has set some bad seeds in her parents heads...this relationship doesnt sound healthy=sounds stifle...youre never gonna be able to grow as individual with someone like this-thats not the kind of person you want to be with...let alone her running to her parents over these trivial issues...

[Breezy18]

I agree with Squirrley here, but I also agree with the guys. It's a guy/girl thing. Different gender=different perspective. Having my guy watch, or look at porn doesn't bother me, but I know a lot of girls that ARE bothered by it. I guess they feel, "why does he need it when he has me?" I can understand that, but I can also understand the guys point of view too. You need to find a compromise that will keep you both happy.
However, as for your relationship with this particular girl, I don't know why a 22 year old would run to her parents with information like this. Sounds very immature to me. If she can't handle it, that's one thing, but involving her parents is just wrong. This is an issue that you two should have handled alone. It's almost like inviting them into your bedroom.

[swissmiss]

there are always two sides in a relationship... if you guys shared the same religious values and morals, then she was probably under the understanding that you weren't looking at porn in the first place. i can only imagine how betrayed this girl felt after she found you'd been hiding it from her. is porn really necessary when you are in a "monogomous" relationship? and from what i've read online... in order to quit looking at porn somebody needs to hold you accountable which sounds like everything your girlfriend was doing. my question is why she stuck with you after you consistently did this to her?

[MisINdpndT]

Personally I think at 22 She should know that 99.6% of guys pleasure themselves to visual stimulation. And no its not cheating but guys or girls can only take so much of teasing of thoughts or what not. Sounds to me like the 'rents are putting blinders on. IMHO i would just try to explain to her why and all that stuff and that you would never cheat on her.

[Ratfish256]

It's better to get off to a picture than another girl.

[PandaCivic]

dump the bitch. she's just finding ways to break up with you. she's really cheating on you and wants to make it look like it's your fault.

[Sami09]

Hello wow your girlfriend is normal to feel that way. I dated my man for 14 months i totally love and trust him. He a guy he goes to strip clubs , looks at porn (Paris Hilton sex video) and have gotten lap dances before pissed me off when he got a lap dance he said he loves me but to be honest i really really trust what we have together we are both 20 yrs old at that age its different. Your ex gf now need to relax because that makes men cheat.

Alright... Just a little background. My girlfriend and I had been dating for a year now. We agree on most everything (politics, religion, activities). Everything was going well until she found some porn pics on my computer. From that point on, I completely lost her trust.
Her reason was that everytime I even look at another girl, it was cheating. "Those girls on the internet are so trashy" she would say. She doesn't understand why I would even want to look at the pictures. Just for the record, I would NEVER cheat on her. I love her very much and still do because well, love doesn't dissappear ovenight. Anyhow, she soon didn't want me to watch tv, wanted me to cancel the cable, wanted to install one of those kid protection programs on my computer, and she would cover my eyes when anything related to sex would show up on the screen. I had to walk down the street pretty much staring at the ground not to risk upsetting her, and everytime a remotely attractive girl would walk by, she would stare at me to make sure that I wasn't checking her out. I'm 25, about to be 26. She's 22. I love my ex very much but this was taxing on our relationship.

To make things worse, she tell her parents with whom I had established a good relationship.

In addition, she recently wrote me an email stating that I should not call her or "I will have to deal with her dad." What is this about? Does she think her dad has any authority to scold me or hurt me? He is a male too and does she think that he never looked at pornography when he was 25. He went to an all-male military institution, of course he did. I find this extremely funny that a girl of 22 years still thinks she needs to hide behind the shield of her parents. Her parents are strong christians but even still, in the christian view, we are ALL sinners. Is her family the only ones exempt from this view? She also stated that I will never amount to anything because of the porn and that I will never get accepted to this one University, also because of the porn. (When infact I did get accepted) She thinks that porn is going to cause my downfall

Do you think a relationship like this is healthy or worth pursuing? Or should I just bury it. Is she going to be in for a rude awakening with her next boyfriend or are there guys out there that really don't look at other pictures, videos, etc...

[RainbowKiss_83]

I'm so glad I found this thread. I have a lot to say on this subject. Guys are not the only people who watch porn. I like watching porn and while it's not a usual thing for some girls, it's definitely not unheard of. I'm not the most secure person in the world and I would have been very upset if my ex went on and on about other girls and prefered the girls in the porn videos to me, but he didn't. Like most young people including me he's just interested in sex. Him watching pornography was not a big deal to me just like it wasn't to him.

Way too many girls think guys watch pornography because of something they're doing wrong. It's not the guys who need to change their habits, but the girls who need to be more secure with themselves. How many romance novels or movies have us girls watched to get that sweet goosebump butterflies in our stomach feeling? Countless times. Even though we have guys in our lives who are supposed to provide that for us. See, it's the exact same thing except for us its romance and for them its sex. It's still hypocritical of us to complain about it when we do the same thing.

Also, to whomever initially posted, your girlfriend seems like she's lost her mind. She's honestly dumping you for a few pictures on your computer? If she is so perfect and high and mighty then just forget about her. You can do much better and she can go enjoy her porn free relationship with Jesus. That might sound a bit harsh, but so is dumping a decent guy after a year just because he looks at girls on the internet. I wish my problems would have been so simple. And her threatening you with her father shows how truly immature she is. If she ever puts her father on the phone, just put your mother on the phone and watch him get his ass kicked.