Doing the Impossible!

[intrepido]

Hello all,

I have a love problem here...my girlfriend and I were dating for 7 months. I moved in, at her request, almost immediately as I was at her house all the time. She lives in a cottage behind her mothers house, nice set up. Her mom loved me, and she has NOT loved a lot of her boyfriends, but she had reservations cuz when we met I was 23 and she was 29. We fell in love further and she would talk about having my kids and all this. She wanted me to get her pregnant and said that I could have nothing to do with it if I wanted because I want to go to medical school and dont want to derail that goal.

She would talk about a million different ways of making it work all the time, getting artificially inseminated so we could stay together, cuz that way shed have her baby and we could stay together cuz thered b no pressure to have a baby. She was a bit jealous and possessive of me and would get upset if I went out. She got in a fight with a girl I worked with cuz she was pretty. I broke up with her a few times because of the age and not thinking it woudl work. She flipped out every time hardcore and I couldnt do it always sayin that theres ways to make it work. I got on board with her, it felt good and we were both in it together. Im in school right now tho and had to focus so I know I could have been a better boyfriend/live in roomate type. After a few small fights she broke up with me two weeks ago. We were gonna date and saw each other a bunch of times but it got worse and worse from small things and she said that we shouldnt see each other anymore now saying that the age is a big deal and that the things that bothered her are too much, like leaving the toilet seat up and whatnot.

I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me, and I want her back. I want to marry the girl I think. Shes got problems (agoraphobia) and whatever but I love her and I really think I want to end up with her. Honestly theres a lot of girls out there and Im a good catch but I want to see if we can make this work, it would be a special thing, and I want to take care of her and be everything she always wanted and give her everything ya know?

She wont give me a chance tho and has been very nice about it tho...talks to me but i keep asking and sayin the same things and its getting me nowhere. Its like one minute u want my kids and will do all this crazy stuff to stay together then next minute when I want to change and make it work she says no.

I wanted to see her last nite as a friend and she said no, cuz she was out at a friends and didnt think it would be a good idea to see each other anyway. She told me to give her space and that we shouldnt see each other for a while. We lived with each other so we saw each other all the time everyday so I feel that after my finals are over on the 18th of December(10 days) I can make contact with her again...or soon after..maybe right before christmas cuz i wont miss christmas with her....she would talk about spending christmas together in july, when I broke up with her she told me that she tried committing suicide when she was little and all this crazy stuff.

Well, my plan is to paint her portrait. Im a good artist and she is into art as well and I know she woudl like this. I started a painting of her but didnt finish it. I have a letter with all the things that I want to change to be a better man for her and how I want to be together with her, not just now but forever and someday marry her. I also plan on getting her a pair of diamond earrings. I never got her something that nice before, no money but I can afford it and even if she doesnt take me back I want her to have them.

She has said that she will settle for someone she doesnt find all that desirable as long as they make a little bit of money, so she can have kids and send them to good schools. I want to be a doctor but Im not one right now. I should workin in a year while im in school and will have decent money before med school.

THis is gonna be along post, GIGA you ready haha, thanks everyone for your help

[Gigabitch]

I want to marry the girl I think.

If you wanted to marry her, there would be no "I think".

She has said that she will settle for someone she doesnt find all that desirable as long as they make a little bit of money, so she can have kids and send them to good schools.

Disgusting. I'm sure you knew I was going to say that. She doesn't even have kids yet and already she's laying herself across the sacrificial altar, setting herself up to be Martyr Mom. Does she really think her kids will thank her for that? What happened to this girl's backbone? Can she not hear the voice of her own conscience any more over the loud ticking of her biological clock?

I think she's just moments away from poking holes in your rubbers, and it makes me really sad. I've watched you carry the world for this girl, you've had to fight her every step of the way just to love her, and she tenaciously clings to her own crappy self-image.

I feel that she's making you choose between her and yourself, and it's not fair.

[intrepido]

I know there would be no think, I am just not sure right now.

She has told me to cum inside her a few times, like face to face during sex, "come on, just do it" Says she was too drunk to be talking rationally but...

I have school and things ahead of me, I dont know if I can get married right now and have kids. I might be able to get married, but not kids, marriage sooner than kids anyway.

And YEA! martyr mom. I mean she has agoraphobia and can hardly drive more than 15-20 miles away from her house. She has panic disorder also, what if I got her pregnant? What if she was artificially inseminated? What would she do then? her moms boyfriend would be paying the way for that kid. Hes already paid for 3 breast surgeries for her mother and the 4th is on the way cuz they havent worked.

She wants to just find someone, like I said, she cant go far from her house so itd have to be someone in her area or someone just "passing through" to marry her and have kids so she can send them to Waldorf schools, cuz she thinks thats such a great thing or whatever. She just wants to be a mom I think cuz other things have failed in her life. She says shed be a good mom but I dont know. Shed be a better mom than some, maybe she would be a good mom, I dont know. I want her back, shes been in bad relationships. Seems like she has tried to get someone to "keep her" like shes asked me if I would do many times before, but no one has. The other guy she loved a lot, more than me until I overtook him, she found in bed with another woman, now his wife. She doesnt deserve this, I want to give her the things she wants, dererves and needs. I cant now though, give her a baby and all that. Im 24 and shes 30 and I have a lot of things I want to do first, or not even necessarily first but I cant have a family at the present time.

I feel that shes just cutting her losses and doesnt want it to go any further which is what i wanted at first but i believed in her and us. She was always saying things like im gonna leave her for a younger girl and this and that.

Shes told me that its not gonna work, that our love is not the problem but the age is, despite all shes said in the past. She wants someone that can give her a family soon and all that "less desirable." Sounds like anyone! someone that makes a little more money than she does! well thats almost anyone cuz she doesnt make much money at all walking and looking after dogs for people. I dont even know why Im wasting my time, it seems though that someone like her needs someone like me and that we would complete one another.

I want her back, I have a plan to leave her alone for at least two weeks, unless she calls me which ill talk to her, but theres no guarantee and shes probably goin to be using this time to start getting over me! SOOO the problem will be that when we speak again she may have already started to move on and will be even less receptive to me. I have a letter rough draft that tells her all the things that I want to change, asks for a chance to prove to her things, tells her I didnt do everything I could for her and us and tells her that I can see us together down the line. I also have the painting to give her and a pair of diamond earrings to show her she means a lot to me and that shes special.

Do you have any advice for me in tryin to get her back? or to at least give me a chance to show her i can change? move back in with her etc.

Thanks!

[Gigabitch]

....so she can send them to Waldorf schools, cuz she thinks thats such a great thing or whatever.

Meh, Waldorf. Buncha knitting, German affectation (like hanging their coats outside in the winter for some insane reason), and really inadequate math instruction. She's romanticizing this, and I think it shows poor judgment.

I want her back, I have a plan to leave her alone for at least two weeks, unless she calls me which ill talk to her, but theres no guarantee and shes probably goin to be using this time to start getting over me!

I think that too. I wouldn't recommend giving her that much time in her current state. If you really want her back, act soon. Act now.

Don't buy her expensive diamond earrings, though. I know this sounds calculating, but you really should rethink dropping that kind of cash on someone who might not be around next week.

[intrepido]

Well, I already asked her and reasoned with her and she has said no and it wont work, she loves me more than words or any form of expression can relate but it wont work, its not feasible etc. She wanted me to watch a movie called "prime" where uma thurman whos 35 dates a 23 yr old and they dont work out even tho hes willing, but shes only 30 and im 24.

She told me to give her some space and that we shouldnt c each other for a while, although she got drunk once and asked if i could come over and "save her." sending me messages every two seconds where i am and i need to save her life etc,shes so lucky to have someone like me...all drama, she ****n tells me that its not gonna work when i get there and she sobers up a little, she was lying next to some vomit on the floor when i got there.

So im going to give her the space she asked for, she told me that last nite. I dont want to be annoying. How can I appeal to the side of her that wants and loves me? when all shes concerned about is kids and stuff, she is pretty stubborn when it comes to things so that isnt helpin me. I wanted to wait until after my finals are over, cuz I wont even really have much time until then neway, but my last one is on the 18th in the morning so I can see her then maybe.

SO, I have already acted and it has yielded me no results. She says she has no interest in dating anyone now and needs to focus on herself, and I believe her. What can I do to show her that I am capable of providing for her and being all that she wants and needs?

[Gigabitch]

If you want to be all she wants and needs, you have to give up your goal of becoming a doctor and start reproducing immediately.

Sorry. Harsh but true. She's making you choose between her or yourself.

[IndiReloaded]

She has told me to cum inside her a few times, like face to face during sex, "come on, just do it" Says she was too drunk to be talking rationally but...

Don't try to get back w/her! She did you a favour. She's using a technique where she pretends to let you go & then tries to reel you in b/c she seems so selfless & hopes you'll find this attractive. She wanted you to get her pregnant for gods sake. Wake up. RUN!!

I'm serious. She's more concerned w/material things than your growth & well-being. Material things are just tools to allow for growth, they are not an end unto themself. This is a disaster as far as a longterm relationship. Go be a doctor, expand your mind, find someone larger-minded than this lady. In 10 years, you'll wonder why you even considered marrying her, trust me.

[intrepido]

She was willing to try a number of different things to make us work. She would talk about them all the time. She does have my best interest in mind though and referred me to the movie "prime" where 35 yr old uma thurman dates a 23 yr old. He is ready to give her all she wants, a child etc but she doesnt want him to ruin his life, at least thats how she described it. She would always say though that Im gonna leave her for a younger girl someday and when I go to school far away its not gonna work out, but we at least have these years together. She would like talk to herself "ok, in 2 years you go to school but in the meantime we love each other etc." It wasnt like a dead end thing though she would talk about how wed make it work when I was away etc. If not forefer, I want those years or at least more time with the girl even if it doesnt work out in the end. I love her very much and the thought of not being able to express that is real difficult.

What did you mean the technique of letting me go and reeling me in? Theres a little more to the story. I apparently did things that she didnt like sometimes. She is agoraphobic, but not very neat, but she made me feel like I was a complete slob and didnt help out around the house etc. (so I guess she felt she wanted to have a clean house) I mean, I was out at school all day everyday and couldnt really contribute money to her for many things, but I didnt cost her any money either! I actually spent double the gas money I would have living there than at home and 90% more money on food. She wouldnt ever want me to go out. I only went out a handful of times in the 7 months we were together, maybe 10 at most. She first kicked me outta the house, but I still had my key which she said she would never take away. I showed up drunk once and she took that away and that was about it. I feel like I have no common sense because I didnt think this would be a problem. I have been told it shouldnt be but also that it definitely was. So I feel stupid about that.

She wont give me another chance and it seems that these little things were the catalyst to make her realize what she wants and cant have immediately with me. But thats not to say that down the line a little bit we couldnt have it.

Since we love each other right now, right up to the day before we broke up she was tellin me that Im in her dreams, best thing that ever happened to her etc. and still tells me that she loves me very very much, "more than all words or every form of expression." The end of that sentence was that she realizes now what is feasible and what just will not work. What about making it work? what about love? I gotta keep trying to make her see. do whatever it takes.

I dont think it would have to be all that difficult to break up a little bit in the future. She said at one point shes not gonna be my "**** buddy" and believe me I was appalled that she said that. I love the girl so much and I want to show her that by doing things for her so we can still have a relationship, even if its not an exclusive one. She says she has no desire to date anyone and needs to work on herself and I believe her. In the past it seems she just played dating by ear and as long as a guy had somethign going for him she would date and see if he would want to marry her. Shes been disappointed time after time, guys tellin her that they never want to get married are now married, an ex she had strong feelings for she found in bed with his now current wife. I guess part of me felt like I would never do anything to hurt her, cheat on her etc so she should understand if I wanted to go out or drink or whatever. Ive had to peel her off the floor many times and pull her hair out of her face so shes worse than I am.

Ive gotten her flowres many times, wrote her a song and really was a good boyfriend I feel but I could have done so much more. I think I took her for granted somewhat, I was busy with school and didnt tend to her needs and what she wanted nearly as much as I should have. How do I make her see that I will now? I want to play her that song, call her up one nite and ask her to come outside so I can play it for her. Buy her a really nice gift like diamond earrings, I can afford it, to show her that shes so special to me and that I messed up. I want to also paint a portrait of her, a big painting that I will start workin on as soon as my finals are over, hopefully. Also I want to write her a letter with all the things that I want to do differently.

She made a list of chores at the end of our relationship that we were supposed to do. Honestly I dont know where she put it, she says it was on top of my books once but I dunno. It was at a time when I had exams and didnt notice it!! honestly!! Shes like "you couldnt even follow a list that I made!" "You do the dishes a few times and you think you made drastic changes!!" "its too late for you to change Ive been telling you for months," which I guess here and there maybe is true but I didnt realize!! I really did help out and shes not being fair about it. She told me that I dont need to contribute monetarily, but we worked a 20$ a week thing out, I actually wasnt too happy about it as I was paying a lot of money to live there as it was and not costing her much of anything, but I agreed (not happy meaning I was like, "well ok.") So she doesnt even want to give me the chance to change, she thinks shes gonna find someone else out there whos gonna be all that she wants and needs,but basically she might find somoene that will be all that she needs because theyll have a current job and sperm.

Long story short, what can I do!!!?! I want her back, please give me some good advice(I know I can get other girls, I am seeing one right now I met the night we broke up whos probably a much better "match" than my ex but I dont care as much about her.) And yea how can you see someone else right now when youre so broken up, well I dunno, I figured she had it with me so I should move on but I cant yet. I think I care and love her so much because I want to be that person for her that loves her and shows her that this world isnt so harsh and that shes a beautiful wonderful person, that her disorder doesnt matter and that id be by her side through it all (if shed let me show her), and maybe she could get better and all. She probably will interpret part of that like I have pity for her and I doubt thats a good idea, common sense kickin in

Please help!

[alidile]

oh my goodness. this girl has serious issues. why would you want to deal with all this? you would have messed up kids too! tell her to go get artifically inseminated and have fun! why doesn't she get off her ass and get a job. back off now! she's screwing with your head. i swear.

[Gigabitch]

I just sent you PMs, but I'd like to state publicly that I think this girl is broken and an absolute fool. She's a black hole.

I strongly advise you to stop pouring your precious life into this person who will never, ever give back.

I find her "aspiration" to get knocked up by Mr. Whoever quite appalling. I believe her children will end up feeling like accessories and she herself will become a miserable, bitter shrew who will constantly fault the poor schmo who has the misfortune of impregnating her for not being you. You, who she didn't have the cojones to step up and claim for herself when she had the chance.

She doesn't deserve you. Let someone else pick her up and wipe the vomit off of her face.

[intrepido]

Giga! thats the kinda attitude she needs to have! Now, she doesnt want to just get knocked up by anyone per say...shed obviously like to find someone nice and decent and maybe she will. She has noted taht agoraphobics with panic disorder sometimes go crazy when pregnant cuz they feel trapped and thats exactly what triggers an attack. She does think and say shed be a good mom and maybe she would but she cant travel or go anywhere? She is depressed, kids would cheer her up though I think but still.

It is an aspiration though for her to have a family, its like everything else failed/didnt work out so this could make it all alright.

I think if she had the balls, like you said, I wouldnt let her down, it would be the two of us against the world and that would really be something. I think I am the best guy shes ever dated, shes told me she loves me more than anyone she ever dated. I think I helped her to start to move on by calling and texting her too much when she broke up with me and one time getting upset and shedding some tears. Nothing crazy though but still not happy about it! She said tho that it would take her a real long time to get over me, jackie o lost kennedy and liz taylor lost richard burton twice i supposed she will be fine someday? is what she said. She wants to use the time to "work on me" so mayb shell b a more fetching prize for someone if she can get her shit together, travel get a job etc.

I just sent you PMs, but I'd like to state publicly that I think this girl is broken and an absolute fool. She's a black hole.

I strongly advise you to stop pouring your precious life into this person who will never, ever give back.

I find her "aspiration" to get knocked up by Mr. Whoever quite appalling. I believe her children will end up feeling like accessories and she herself will become a miserable, bitter shrew who will constantly fault the poor schmo who has the misfortune of impregnating her for not being you. You, who she didn't have the cojones to step up and claim for herself when she had the chance.

She doesn't deserve you. Let someone else pick her up and wipe the vomit off of her face.

[Mish]

Can she not hear the voice of her own conscience any more over the loud ticking of her biological clock?

And the clock is not even ticking that loudly yet. She's only 29. I think she might be havinga pre-30's life crisis.

[intrepido]

yea RITE? She totally freaked out when she turned 30. Thirty is NOT OLD!!!

I just dont understand why she all of a sudden doesnt want me anymore. Yea apparently I infringed on a lot of little things but she loved me that much? more than anyone? I guess she could find that again but why? when its right here. Yea I wont be ready for a family for a few years BUT!!!!! theres things she doesnt know!!! I have been doing my research and there are tons of people in med school, law school you name it, that are married, have children the whole nine yards.

I just cant help but to think that she is taking the easy way out after all the crazy things she was willing to do to stay together it is driving me NUTS!! I just dont get it. Part of me wants to say lata babe, but I want to make it work between us it would be such an amazing thing. I would hold her up to the highest heavens and we could be so happy together but alas she now doesnt want to give it a chance and wait it out. If it doesnt happen soon, us getting back together then I dont know if it ever will. Ill always love her and be her friend but imagine if we did wind up together? it would be so silly to have wasted all this time we could have had together!!!

And the clock is not even ticking that loudly yet. She's only 29. I think she might be havinga pre-30's life crisis.

[Mish]

I just dont understand why she all of a sudden doesnt want me anymore. Yea apparently I infringed on a lot of little things but she loved me that much? more than anyone?

Meh. You are not the only one who doesn't understand women intrepido. Why after so many promises and desperate attempts at the most serious commitment they can do a complete 180. You are not the first who can't understand it and won't be the last.

My advice is thank your lucky stars that you discovered this trait of her personality "before" she forced you to impregnate her. Imagine if she did this a couple of years down the track? Imagine what kind of a mess you would've been in.

[intrepido]

Yea, she told me on several occasions the first of which was the 4th of July, only about a month after we first started dating that she wanted to me to give her a baby for her birthday, after seeing the way I was with this kid at the bbq. She wanted me to get her pregnant and said that I would not have to have ANYTHING to do with it because she knew I had school and things to do. She wound up saying this a bunch of other times too and would sometimes get real insistent in the way of requesting that I get her pregnant while we were having sex. Shed be like "come on, just do it!"

NOW...I kind of believed her, when shed say that I would not have to have anything to do with the child. Do you think she was telling the truth? When do women become infertile anyway?

Meh. You are not the only one who doesn't understand women intrepido. Why after so many promises and desperate attempts at the most serious commitment they can do a complete 180. You are not the first who can't understand it and won't be the last.

My advice is thank your lucky stars that you discovered this trait of her personality "before" she forced you to impregnate her. Imagine if she did this a couple of years down the track? Imagine what kind of a mess you would've been in.