friend's irrational reaction.

[IndiReloaded]

i'd like to know what's in this guy's head. i think he wants to have his cake and eat it too... but i want that also. argh. i can't make him tell me what he's really thinking and if i tried to that would scare him off that the friendship would be ruined regardless.

Call me old fashioned, but if you want an actual relationship w/this guy, you need to get him to take you seriously. Right now, I'm not sensing that. Its just fun & sex. Nothing wrong w/that if you're both satisfied, but are you?

What's wrong w/telling him you're getting attached and therefore need to step back from the physical part of your relationship? Unless he's a jerk, which you need to know anyway, seems to me the reasonable path to take.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this, tho. The whole order of things seems completely arse backwards to my way of doing things. Sorry if this doesn't help much.

[alidile]

oh my stars! that's so out of the question. in a perfect world i would be able to do that but i really do value the friendship we've built in the last few months and that would crumble if i was just that honest about the matter. i would rather we just tire of the sex i think.
how do you GET someone to take you seriously. it's not like we don't have real conversations.... just about that. i think not.
i've even considered trying the jealous approach though that's NEVER been my thing and kinda disgusts me to think about. :S i don't like girls who do that kinda stuff or guys for that matter. usually i just say and get what i want, literally. this is something i don't like at all. if i could GET him then i would've, trust me... it's like dealing with a somewhat "equal" i'm usually the one who spends time blowing people off, i don't feel good about it, but if someone's not right for me i'm not gonna stick around and let them get more attatched.
maybe this is almost like some kind of effed up punishment for me.

[IndiReloaded]

but i really do value the friendship we've built in the last few months and that would crumble if i was just that honest about the matter

Hmm. I think we have differing ideas about friendship. I wouldn't call someone I was screwing but not able to be honest about what I was thinking (or feeling) a 'friend'. A **** buddy, maybe, but not a friend.

Anyway, it seems to be working for you & you don't seem too emotionally attached to this fellow, so I'm sure it will all sort itself out in due time. In this case, if your friend is at all upset that you are with this guy, I would just shrug it off for the simple lay he is to you. No big deal, right?

[alidile]

i guess we just have different ideas. i find there's often one thing you keep from a friend... my best friends i tell everything regardless of the case and that's why i feel bad about not telling my best friend this. and this guy and i talk extremely openly, this is the only thing we aren't addressing. we've only been shagging for a week though, i'm sure with time things will sort themselves out?

[Tedel]

Probably, but I agree with the previous posters anyway. You shouldn't decide your issues according to your friends. You ain't doing anything illegal, as I see it.

[vashti]

FWBs are a bad idea. They never work out well. I doubt this arrangement will progress to anything meaningful. He won't be able to take you seriously because this relationship was not built on a serious foundation.

It is one thing to risk a friendship over a guy you actually have a relationship with and mutually care for. It is quite another to risk a friendship over a f*ck buddy. I think you should stop sleeping with this guy and hope your girl friend doesn't find out about it.