I Screwed Up

[Eloro]

So, I am only sixteen. I met this girl about a month ago. We had fun going out and everything. After the first few dates she asked me how far I had gone with a girl. I told her the truth: I had only made out, no sex. She told me she had only made out as well. So things went great over the next few weeks. I told her that I really, really liked her, and that I had never felt this way about anyone. That was the truth. Then she told me that she had lied to me. She had had sex once before. It happened about 5 months ago with some guy she thought she loved. He broke her heart and never talked to her again. The scary thing is, I look a lot like him. I told her all of this, all of my feelings and my discomfort about her being more "experienced" than I am. It just feels like if, a long time into the future, I was to get serious with this girl, and we planned to spend our live together, I'd never be able to have ALL of her. That guy took something that she can never get back. It just hurts. I know it was in the past, and she can't change the past even though she wants to. The worst part of it is, she thinks it bothers me a lot. She is thinking of breaking up with me because of the problem I had with it. I told her that I don't want to break up earlier today, but she has not returned my calls or text messages. I am unsure as to what to do. How could I prove that I really want to be with her? How can I get her to give me another chance?

[vashti]

If you are having problems with her lack of virginity, you need to acknowledge that. I think it is perfectly fine at your age to hold out for a virgin. You have a right to hold certain expectations with regards to the girls you choose to date.

However, she also has a right to not feel ashamed for making a mistake. There is certainly another guy out there who will be able to handle her past without feeling bad about it. Let her find him, and you can look for a girl that is better suited for you.

It looks like you guys just aren't a match, no matter how bad you both feel about it. No one has to be a "bad" guy.

[LostNotFound]

i don't think you screwed up. =) i think you need to do what vashti said. then you can be happy.

[Eloro]

Yeah, but I really did like this girl. Not to mention it seems to take me FOREVER to find a girlfriend. It took me 2 years to find this girl after this little 8th grade crush type of thing I had with another girl. I just feel like if I do break up with her, I would not have a girlfriend again for a very long, long time. And I want a relationship. Bad.

[LostNotFound]

dude, your 16. there will be a million girls to come. but if you really are hung up on this one then your gonna have learn to deal with her not being virgin

[Eloro]

Yeah, I hope there will be a million girls to come by. I just have a hard time meeting girls. I don't know what it is. I guess it is just because this one was the first to like me in forever that I want to stay with her. I don't even know why girls don't like me. I'm tall, six pack, not bad looking, pretty good sense of humor, and I really just want a relationship.

[LostNotFound]

i don't think it ever has to do with being bad looking. theres someone for everyone. maybe at 16 you want more from a relationship then what a 16 year old girl can give you?

[Eloro]

If you mean I want a girl that I can be with all the time, then yeah, I guess so. Someone that calls me 3 times a day, someone who I hang out with everyday. Like a friend, only a friend that is a girl. A friend with "benefits." A Girlfriend. I will worry about that after I find another girl though!

[LostNotFound]

why don't you work on frienships with girls before relationships?

[Eloro]

I don't really have many friends who happen to be girls. All of them are guys. That is pretty much my problem I guess. I don't really know any girls that I could go out with. There is school I guess, but most of them either have boyfriends, or are complete sl*ts. I guess one will come eventually, but I don't know if I can wait.

[LostNotFound]

its either wait or...

i don't believe all the girls in your school fall under 2 catergories.

i think all new forum members fo through this phase where they post their first thread and then sit an wait for someone to reply. lol

[Eloro]

Haha. Yeah, well I don't have much else to do, seeing as my girlfriend is pissed off at me. lol. So, you'd say I need to try to make friends with some girls. But where would be a good place to meet girls besides school?

[xmoongirlx]

Yeah, but I really did like this girl. Not to mention it seems to take me FOREVER to find a girlfriend. It took me 2 years to find this girl after this little 8th grade crush type of thing I had with another girl. I just feel like if I do break up with her, I would not have a girlfriend again for a very long, long time. And I want a relationship. Bad.

It sounds more like u wanna stay with her because you don't want to be alone, rather than how you feel about her!

It's not so hard to find a girl you could date, but if virginity is an issue for you, then yeah you'll have a journey ahead to find the right girl for you.

[Eloro]

Well, yeah, there is that. But I also really do like this girl. The virginity thing does bother me a little. I guess it probably wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't a virgin. She told me "I didn't know I would ever meet you, so how could I be at fault?" I told her that I had had the opportunity to have sex once, but I turned it down because I wanted to share that experience with someone that I loved. I don't know, maybe I am just weird, because I know that like 99% of guys don't feel this way at all.

[gHEXjt]

Well, yeah, there is that. But I also really do like this girl. The virginity thing does bother me a little. I guess it probably wouldn't bother me so much if I wasn't a virgin. She told me "I didn't know I would ever meet you, so how could I be at fault?" I told her that I had had the opportunity to have sex once, but I turned it down because I wanted to share that experience with someone that I loved. I don't know, maybe I am just weird, because I know that like 99% of guys don't feel this way at all.

Dude, that's pretty hypocritical considering that she told you she slept with a guy that she loved. Bottom line, if you really want to be with her you've got to let this slide. Odds of you ending up together are slim, honestly. You're 16, still have a lot of maturing to do in your life. However, I understand where you're coming from in terms of wanting relationship. If she means as much to you as you're saying, you can let this go. If you are together in "x" amount of years, will the fact that she slept with an ex-boyfriend once well before you met have any bearing on anything in your life at all? The answer to that question is a simple no. Your supposed "inexperience" in comparison to her means nothing to her, I assure you. The first very serious girlfriend I had when I was around your age was far more experienced than me. While it bothered me for a little, I never brought it up, eventually got completely over it, and realized quickly that she didn't think any less of me because I hadn't had the same sexual experiences that she had already had. It doesn't make you any less of a man. That's just the way things fell for you, IT DOES NOT MEAN SHE THINKS LESS OF YOU. That is the only thing that matters.