Heart brake by death.

[bananavan316]

Hey everybody, im new here and i dont know i kinda have been very depressed, I really need help, i fell for this guy that was everything i could ever want, he was stalking me and i didnt know it till he got the guts to talk to me, and i fell for him the min he smiled at me.. i spent ever day with him for two weeks and then i got mad at him because he said he would chill with me but he ditched me for his friends so i didnt talk to him for 2 day, i finely missed him so much that i didnt care anymore, so i called him and his mom answered and it turns out he drowned the night he was supose to hang out with me, its been 5 months and i haven't gone a min without thinking about him.. does ANYBODY know what i can do to move on and get him out of my head, because it kills me, i dont know how much longer i can last..

[Moonchild]

No matter how a relationship ends, by death or by breaking up, the best way to get over someone is to try not to dwell on it, get out, and get to know other people. Even if you don't fall for someone for a long time, just going out and having fun with friends helps. As romantic as lingering over someone's memory seems, whether they're dead or not, it's not good for you.

This applies to anyone trying to get over someone.

[vashti]

Wow, that's really sad. Considering you are only 16, I am guessing this may have been the first person you've actually known that has died, especially at a young age. Death of a young person is especially difficult to handle emotionally because it really goes against the laws of nature, especially when they weren't even sick. I really think it might be helpful if you were to talk to a grief counselor, sweety. They might be able to help you process your feelings. Grief and the associated feelings of guilt (and even anger) are normal stages of the grieving process, unfortunately, and it takes everyone varying lengths of time to get through them.

Have you talked to your parents about this? Because I would want to know if my kid was having these kinds of feelings so I could try to help. If you don't think you can talk to your parents, maybe there is another adult you feel close to who can help you get the counseling you need?

[DoesntMatter]

That's really rough. Death of people is seriously the worst thing to go through. Time will help though, there is no way to make this an easy thing to get through

[Michael6084]

Tell your parents. Seek professional help.

[DarkDwarf]

Yes, seek help from a professional.

[Henry123]

Agree. You should speak to your parents or a school counsoler (if not at least to a teacher you trust). They may refer you to a professional.

[Mish]

Hey eso i called him and his mom answered and it turns out he drowned the night he was supose to hang out with me, its been 5 months and i haven't gone a min without thinking about him.. .

It must be very hard to comprehend. He could've been alive if only he went out with you instead of his friends. He could have saved his life by going out with you. But sadly this is not the choice he made. He chose his friends and thus to die. You have nothing to feel guilty about (if in fact you were harbouring any of those feelings). If you had a chance to speak to him you can bet that he would be regretting his decision right now.

Perhaps things could have been different, but you had no control over that. What happened would have happened regardless of you. It's okay to miss somebody for whom you had feelings. With time your grief will go away.

[bananavan316]

Thats how i felt at first but then there is that chance that he died because it was his time and he would have died no matter who he was with or what he was doing and if he was with me when he died i probably wouldn't be alive right now.. I guess God new that and made him ditch me i guess.. i dont know.. this has really tested my faith..

[vashti]

Are you a religious girl? You should talk to your pastor/rabbi/imam/preist... they are experts at dealing with grief.

I know my rabbi would say that God was not responsible for the death of your friend (that could be chalked up to "shit happens"), but God's presence is apparent in the way people reach out to one another for comfort in the aftermath... you know.. that sense of connection.

[DarkDwarf]

And I would say (if I were a professional) that death is a part of the cycle of life, in fact, it is the ultimate culmination of life, and that you should be celebrating how he lived, not how he died. He is there, watching you somewhere.

Anyway, I have known a lot of people dealing with death recently and thats the comforting statement that I have found works the best.