Should I Break Up Because I'm So Happy With My Relationship?

[schnener]

Hey Everyone,

I know this thread title sounds odd, but hear me out. I've been with my girlfriend for about 1.5 years. I adore her. She's incredible. She's the best girlfriend I ever have had, she absolutely loves me, hopes to marry me some day (and tells me all the time), and has all of the intangibles that you would want in a girlfriend. She's a sweet sweet girl, very smart, who I love spending time with and we just click perfectly. She's the best thing in my life at the moment, and I really do adore spending time with her. I have huge amounts of love and respect for her.

That being said, I'm thinking about breaking up with her.

We haven't had sex yet. It's been a big thing for her -- she wanted to wait a while to make sure I was the "right guy," as she's a virgin (a guy she never wants to break up with -- key word being never). Me, not being a virgin, didn't want to wait, and it caused some issues earlier on, but this girl has been so great that I couldn't let her go. Well, now she thinks I am the right guy and wants to do it. This is what sparked this problem for me.

I love this girl, a lot, but I'm 23 years old and don't think I'm ready to be tied down to one girl for the rest of my life. Also, she's not my superb idea of physical type (there's really nothing wrong with her - she's very very pretty, great body, cute face, but just not *exactly* the type of girl I've drempt of marrying one day). Perhaps it's insanely shallow of me, considering this girl's personality is essentially perfect for me, but I'm not sure I'd be totally content to stay with this one girl forever for that reason among others. Now, she's not saying "we need to get married for me to have sex with you" or anything, but knowing how I feel about her (that I wouldn't be 100% okay with spending the rest of my life with her at the moment), I'm not sure that I would feel good about myself if I did have sex with her knowing I'd probably eventually break up with her, now that we've grown so close. If it was a random hook-up or some girl who I had only been dating a little bit I wouldn't feel bad about it at all, but I really respect my girlfriend, and nowaday's she's my best friend in addition to my girlfriend (just because we click so well and spend so much time together etc.), and I wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt her intentionally. So, that raised the issue for me of: "If I can't continue to progress this relationship past where it is now because of those worries of guilt if I were to break up with her, should I stay in this relationship at all?"

Furthermore, this whole issue brought up an even more confusing thought: A break-up at the moment would already be really really hard and bad for both of us. We adore each other. We're both so attached to each other that I'm sure it'd be a crushing blow to both of us, me included, even if for instance I decided to break up with her and not the other way around. If it's already going to be so hard to break up with her now, then it's only going to get even harder the longer we stay together and the even closer we get together. So, that made me think -- if I'm eventually going to break up with her, should I just do it now to make it easier on all of us? Additionally, if I decide to sleep with her and stay in this relationship, allowing us to grow even closer and more attached, am I essentially saying that this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with?

That's a scary thought for me. I'd like to test the waters a little more, and meet more girls. I've been especially tempted to do this recently as for one reason or another (I really have no idea why at all to be honest), I've been getting a lot more interest from other girls than I had in the past. I'm not trying to sound like a pimp/player/etc., I just don't think I'm ready for the marriage/house/kids deal yet, or being locked into one girl forever at this point. Therefore, because I'm growing so close to this girl, is it time for me to move on?

Any thoughts? I have no idea what to do.

- James

[vashti]

Sounds like despite how great she is, your timing is bad. If you aren't ready to settle down, you should tell her.

[Promiscuousboy]

Do you think you will ever find a better girl then this?
Say you break up, do you think you will ever meet someone who you can relate this much to? And care this much about?

If no; I think you should stick with her. Do your thing and if it dosen't work out for you if the time should occur where you want to see other girls, take it from there.

She will lose her virginity eventually, and I'm pretty sure she would give it away to anyone if you would dump her after such a meaningful relasionship.

My advice is stick around if you love her, that's all that matters.

[Gigabitch]

James, there's no way to tell you what most of us already know: you will never find another girl like this. You may find different girls, lots of them, but what you've described is a really great relationship.

And about your laughable idea of having an "ideal" body type that you envisioned yourself marrying, (Oh, you make me cackle!) just how long do you actually expect your future wife's body to retain that perfection? Let me tell you, there is no guarantee of that. I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at, here, but you might as well see it for what it is: a fixation on something that's probably fleeting anyway, like a girl who refuses a guy because his hair is thinning. Dumb.

You're 23, though. I remember being 23. I was retarded. I made nothing but mistakes.

Ultimately, I think I agree that you should break up with her. Whatever you do, DON'T have sex with her. She's got some crazy idea about "one guy ever", and it's clearly not you.

[xmoongirlx]

I almost cry with this 4 some reason.Here I go:

1.Don't let her go (she resembles someone I know very deeply) and u'll make a big mistake! Look that she talks about marrying u all the time, does not mean she's obsessed with u or anything, she's just has u in her future,what's wrong with that?, most girls think like that.My question 2 u is:Is she in your future?

2.Don't make it too complicated:Even if this sounds weird, sometimes when things are going great in a relationship, u just wanna have something to fight , argue or worry about, it just can't be perfect...I believe ur thinking too much!

3.Virginity:If u were able to hold ur urges(without cheating) for all this time, don't u think it's worth waiting for a girl who wants to wait for the "right" guy? If sex it's what's worrying u then u should break up, before u cheat on her, truth is there are a million girls who are willing to have sex with u out there, but this one isn't, doesn't that make her special?

[mparker2004]

Bro.. don't let her go. You have something awesome, you're going to deeply regret it if you do. You'll probably find lots of nice girls, and have a good time with many of them, but you will ALWAYS think of her and wonder what it would be like if you hadn't broken it off. You're 23, you've been with her since you were what? 21? 22? You've had lots of time to play around, and now here's this perfect woman who obviously loves you more than anything else and wants to give you something she can NEVER give anyone else. That you've held out so long and not forced her into sex, and she has stuck it out with you when you were pushy about it, says a lot about your relationship and how committed you obviously are to each other.

Plus, if you break it off with her, you're going to encounter things you probably aren't used to. Rejection, being heartbroken, loneliness.. you said she's your best friend. I guarantee you she won't be if you start seeing other people. She won't want to hear about other women. Hope all this stirs up something in your head and makes you realize what you have and makes you realize it's special and DEFINITELY not worth screwing up.

[xmoongirlx]

Totally agree with the person above me ^ Then u'll always wonder...What would have been like if....???

[Illusional]

i will admit that i read half of your post and that's all that i needed to read. so you want to play around like all little boys do. shit, i was there and done that. but in the end i will tell you this, after you've had your share of fun, these are the type of girls that you will long for after.

i'm a hard headed slow learned so i will tell you do as you like because it sounds like your mind is already made up.

raverboy

[Junket]

Eh, sucks to be your girlfriend.

[Gigabitch]

Bro.. don't let her go. You have something awesome, you're going to deeply regret it if you do.

That's pretty rich, coming from you of all people.

[jimbow]

when i first read the title of this post, i thought that it was absurd. why in god's name would you leave a happy home? sure, i get it. sometimes, it just gets boring - but that doesn't mean you pack your bags and skootdeboot out of your home.

what you can do is try to spice things up. heck, you can experiment on role playing or something - whatever it takes. love is too precious to be put through unnecessary tests.

[Gribble]

Love is fickle. It's fleeting. You're 23. You've got plenty of time to ruin your life with marriages and divorces. Ditch her if you're not ready.

[IndiReloaded]

Love is fickle. It's fleeting. You're 23. You've got plenty of time to ruin your life with marriages and divorces. Ditch her if you're not ready.

And... who's feeling cynical today?

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like despite how great she is, your timing is bad. If you aren't ready to settle down, you should tell her.

Actually, I'm w/Vash on this. He's already got doubts; its not gonna work. No faith & poor timing. They are on separate trajectories. Letting it go is the lesson.

[Charlie Boy II]

yeah I'd break up with her. You'll feel even more trapped after you sleep with her, and entrapment poisons romantic feeling.