Failed Romance

[Azure]

Ok, so here's my problem. Please bear with me, as it may take a while to explain. I'd really appreciate any advice.

For the past 2 years i've had this huge crush on a female friend of mine. At first i ignored it because she's very shy and reserved, and knowing how she is i didn't think i had a chance with her. But as we got closer and closer my feelings really began to change. I think i've fallen in love with her, we know each other really well, and we're very simmilar people and very close friends.

Truth is i've always seen her as more then a friend, and i always held this kind of hope that she would open up and we could get together.

She's 20, shy, and claims to be asexual. She's never had a boyfriend (which shocks people because she's absolutely beautiful), and she says that she finds it hard to put people in that context.

I asked her out recently, i guess the reason was because i didn't think i could wait any longer and my feelings for her had become too strong. i felt like i was wasting my time waiting for something that would never happen.

I expected her answer to be no, knowing how she is and it was. Truth is it's probably the most devastating feeling i've ever felt. I've had girlfriends and crushes before which ended badly but this feels so much worse.

She said that she just doesnt understand the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing, and that it would be too difficult to try. Also it doesnt help that her religion is against it too which she mentioned as a reason for not being with me (she's muslim and i'm not). She said that the way she is with me is different to the way she is with anyone else in a very good way, but she just can't.

The problem is that i feel like my feelings will never change. She wants us to stay as friends, but i'm not sure my heart can take it, being with her makes me feel worthless in a kind of way. I still love her company, but it really hurts too at the same time.

I told her i need some time to gather my thoughts because i don't know if i can cope with just being her friend, which she got upset over. I guess i need to get over her, i just don't know how. I'd like to stay as friends because the thought of her not being in my life at all is painful, but then at the same time i feel like as long as i'm friends with her i'll always feel like this, and i'll be closed off to being with anyone else.

Any help would be great. I really need it.

[dontknowhow]

Things happen and people's minds change.
Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe this wasn't the right time.
Stay friends with her and then ask her later, if she says no then just ask her later. ( which sounds really dumb.)
just keep trying.

or like you said, if you think you can't just be friends with her.
keep her out of your life and time will heal your feelings.

[ST1M]

That really sucks man. I feel your pain.
I personally dont believe in the who asexual thing and I think all you need is to spice things up a bit.

How about you try giving her the type of attention you would give a girlfriend. Maybe she never got it? Start with flirting around a bit, then maybe some flowers and then maybe accidentaly kiss her.

I wish you luck man and as much as you think your in a dead end... I dont think so.

[Gigabitch]

Wow. She couldn't be more unavailable. I suggest you wallow in it for only a short time- give yourself a deadline to pull yourself back up. She's not going to date you. End of story.

[Michael6084]

i believe trying NOT to pursue her is the best way. many guys have this idea that "if i show how much i care for her she'll really understand" but it seems like that's more typical of movies.

just let her do her own thing and all you can do is hope, but also be independent.