What went wrong ?

[bethfromEngland]

Hi. .I met a guy nearly seven weeks ago now,it will have been seven weeks this saturday.We met in a night club,He asked me for my number.He was really keen for the first 3 weeks,we text each other every day and he said he missed me and couldnt wait to see me again.We have only met up once since we met.He said he was nervous about seeing me then but looking forward to it too.I thought we got on well.We had a laugh and we had alot in common,such as we like the same music and films.At the end of the night he didnt kiss me,which i thought was quite strange but thought well it is only the first date,and he said he would see me again.The next week,he said he would meet me on the tuesday but when the day came he didnt text me.The week after he didnt text all week,apart from on the tuesday but that was only after i had text him asking how he was and he said he was ok and sked how i was,but didnt mention meeting up.On the friday i text him asking if he had a problem with me and i said if so you can tell me.He text the next day and said sorry you didnt text the other day i thought you werent talking.I dont know why he said that because i did text him back.We said we hadnt fell out with each other.On tuesday last week,i asked him if he wanted to meet up on the saturday,and he said i'm babysitting saturday,i'll see if my mum can cover.I havent heard from him at all since last tuesday.I was annoyed when he didnt text on saturday so i sent him a text saying i thought you were goin to text about tonight,i am going out for a meal anyway,i have made arrangments.I told him that so he would know i wasnt goin to be sat at home all night waiting around for him.I had deleted his texts and number from my phone but realized i had his number written on a piece of paper.I text him last night sayin do you not want to meet up anymore ? i have a feeling you dont.I would appreciate it more if you are honest,if you dont want to.If you dont reply i will assume you dont want to and i wont text you again.
I'm not sure if this will have made things worse but i wanted him to know how i felt.I always speak my mind and am honest with people.I dont believe in playing games and lying and pretending to be something i'm not.I was told not to text him,and i tried not to,but why should i pretend i am ok with him not texting and play it cool just to suit him ?

Some men can be so confusing .It's difficult to understand their behaviour.I think women can be more emotional and think about things more.It is selfish when they act this way though.I think they are only thinking how they are feeling,and arent thinking that you could be really hurt,or they just dont care if you are hurt.Sorry,but thats how i feel.

it doesnt take long to send a message or make a phone call,even if you are busy you can make time to do that

I've probably given him more chances than i should have,but in the beginning of a relationship,i think you should give more than one chance,and it's natural to be really keen at first too

[vashti]

I think it is good you are up front and honest. Now what you need to learn is how to not corner people and make them state the obvious. For whatever reason, he has decided not to pursue things with you. Just accept that and move on - don't call him, don't text him, don't demand he answer your questions, don't give anymore chances, just recognize the futility and forget about him.

I can't help but wonder if your level of directness is intimidating for some people. Is that possible?

[Charlie Boy II]

Seems he lost interest after the first date. What does it matter why? That sort of thing's fairly common. Probably he just didn't feel the same attraction you did, which is also probably why he didn't try to kiss you.

Anyway, leave the guy alone now.

[bethfromEngland]

Well to be fair,if he lost interest after the first date,i dont think he should have said he wanted to see me again at the end of the night,and shouldnt have said he'd meet up the folowing tuesday,or that he might have been able to last saturday.I just dont like being lied to and i dont see anything wrong with that.
And he shouldnt have sent the text the saturday before saying he hadnt fell out

The thing is i'm looking for a job at the moment and dont have many friends so i have alot of time to think about it,and plus its happened before and i get sick of it

He is on my instant messenger,i'm wondering whether to delete him ?

[bethfromEngland]

i double posted this thread.in the other one i mentioned he works nights but he makes time to see his friend in the daytime and i know he has been to another friends house at the weekend.He has tuesdays and saturdays off

I think he's weird.Very odd behaviour

I dont think i did anything wrong.I think he should have been flattered that i wanted to see him,and if he was interested,he would have wanted to see me anyway.I dont get how someone can be so interested for afew weeks then suddenly change.It makes me think he wasnt interested in the first place


Am i really a bad person ?

[vashti]

You may not be a bad person, but you are obsessing on this too much. Sure, he was an ass for not being more honest with you, but you KNOW this isn't going anywhere. Just let it go.

PS - he (like everyone else) makes time for what he wants to do, and he is allowed to do that.

[Charlie Boy II]

???? it's irelevant how and when he makes time to see his friends.

You are a girl he dated once and decided was not for him. Dating is a selective process. The cookie didn't crumble your way this time. Accept it, don't contact the guy again, and move on with your life. He doesn't owe you anything.

It sounds like he told you a white lie because he didn't want to hurt your feelings by rejecting you point blank. That's fairly common, uncomplicated, human behaviour. I'm not saying it's the smartest thing to do, but it's understandable.

[bethfromEngland]

dont get me wrong,im not saying he shouldnt meet up with his mates too.im just sayinf if he was really trying to say he doesnt have time to see me,which i dont think is the case,then i dont see how he makes time to see his friends.thats all i meant

To be honest i do think he owes me an apology.only if he's bothered if he has upset me though.And in a way i do think he lead me on by lying.

I think it is better to tell someone the truth and is actually more hurtful if someone doesnt tell you anything at all,but he musnt think that way

And also,if he doesnt like me,then why would he be bothered whether he hurts my feelings or not ,and why tell a white lie ?

I know we only met up once but we have spoke alot more than that and that is why i really started to like him

I wont text him anymore,i just need help to get over it


I think i'm mainly upset because he is the only one i had the most in common with.We like alot of the same music and films,we are both shy people,and we had a laugh
plus it doesnt do your ego or self esteem any good if people do this and i dont have much confidence as it is

Personally i dont think you should judge things just from a first date.I think you should give it a chance first

[vashti]

Wow, no offense, hun, but you are sounding like a real piece of work. The guy doesn't like you. He didn't want to hurt your feelings by saying so, but that is the bottom line. If he liked you, he would make time for you, just as he does with his friends. He is not obligated to like you, for whatever reason, and he doesn't have to date you 50 times to see if he might have a change of heart.

I understand you are disappointed, but do you REALLY want a guy who has to be bullied into dating you? or a guy that needs convincing that you are the girl for him? It isn't supposed to be so hard, especially in the beginning.

[Michael6084]

Woah. i just wanna say tat you two arent in a "relationship" and you two are...or...were just dating and so in that sense you dont really need to give ppl too many chances. dating is there for a purpose: to see whether or not one is compatible for you. you two did and you liked it, but have you ever thought that he may be a liar? have you thought that he probably doesnt truly have the same tastes as you?

the fact of the matter is, a lot of ppl lie in life and you cant stop and think that every person should apologize for what they do. of course, it's better that ppl do, but a lot of times you need to move on and just think "he's an ass" or whatever. there are many guys out there for you to see and he's only one.

[bethfromEngland]

well he didnt just say he liked the same bands and singers i liked,he mentioned some himself and i liked them too,so he could have been telling the truth about that in a way

Now that i think about it i think there is something dodgy about him and theres more to it than him not wanting to meet up.i just have a funny feeling about it

vashti,do you think he could have been taking the P the whole time ?.I agree it isnt supposed to be hard in the beginning.you are both supposed to be keen for a long time.things should only start wearing off after you've known each other quite a long time.If you do like someone,as i liked him,you would give things a chance to develop and not give up after one meeting,so yeah i agree with you there,and i do think why should i bother with him if he doesnt want to be bothered with me

[Gigabitch]

He wasn't taking the piss. He doesn't have a hidden agenda. He also, CLEARLY, doesn't want to date you, so why, for God's sake are you asking him to spell it out?

have you never been humiliated before? Well, keep after him, and I'm sure he will oblige you.

[IndiReloaded]

My God Beth, it was a first, and only date. He's under no obligation to call you & he certainly doesn't have to apologize for it. Would you have preferred he tell you directly: 'eww, I never want to date you again!'.

He gave you a line that adults call a 'graceful out'. Sub-tle-ty, chelovek. Grow up & stop embarassing yourself. Or keep posting & we'll help you develop a thicker skin.

[bethfromEngland]

ok but he was still wrong to send me all those texts before and after the date.plus even if you arent dating someone you can still stay in contact as a friend.i still feel i have been led on,in the way he spoke to me in the texts.An yes,i would prefer it if he said that.I would tell someone that.And you can like someone from only seeing them a couple of times and speaking to them alot more than that


wow,i so cant believe i am in the wrong for this and he is perfect !

And there are loads of women who have done this,it's not like i am the only one !

i havent contacted him since anyway and have no intention of doing so with him,or anyone else from now on

i suppose there is also no one else in the world who has been bullied all the way through school,had this happen with another guy,had their parents divorce,have relatives pass away,or any other problem

I am not just depressed over only having one date with a guy.there have been more problems than that in my life recently,and this on top of the rest of whats happened just makes it worse,and he is too selfish and cruel to care.He doesnt know much about it.I had finally met someone who i had the most in common with and who i felt comfortable and happy with,only for this to happen.well why do i bother ?

sorry,i wont post here again

[Michael6084]

ok but he was still wrong to send me all those texts before and after the date.plus even if you arent dating someone you can still stay in contact as a friend.i still feel i have been led on,in the way he spoke to me in the texts.An yes,i would prefer it if he said that.I would tell someone that.And you can like someone from only seeing them a couple of times and speaking to them alot more than that


wow,i so cant believe i am in the wrong for this and he is perfect !

And there are loads of women who have done this,it's not like i am the only one !

i havent contacted him since anyway and have no intention of doing so with him,or anyone else from now on

sorry,i wont post here again

he probably did lead you on, but the point out of all of these posts from us is that you gotta take care of YOUR own business. so what if he led you on? you really think you deserve an apology? so what then? youll forgive him and try to go at it again? the fact that he may or may not have led you on is reason enough to look for someone else, not for him to apologize and try again!

whether you may like these posts or not, we are being brutally honest and we're here helping you. if we were to totally take your side and be like "yeah he's a douche he should apologize!", we wouldnt be helping you. the fact that you feel you deserve something after ONE DATE, i'd imagine how bad a bf would feel to be with you if you deserve something for every little thing he may have done something "wrong" and may have not even noticed.

bottom line: don't sweat the small stuff. if he did something you feel is wrong, then move on. worrying and spending your time over several text messages he sent is almost laughable compared to what other people go through...