Boyfriend slept with hooker at stag do

[mel004]

My Boyfriend (he is 32 y.o) of 2 years went to his bestfriend's stag do in barcelona two months ago. He told me it would involve a lot of drinking and visiting strip clubs as to be expected of a stag do. I didnt have a problem with that as we were very much in love and a week before he left for barcelona we had an amazing holiday in the maldives which we both thought was the best time of our lives. However when he came back from the the stag-do and wedding 2 weeks later, he was acting distant. He told me he was jet-lagged and tired etc. We didnt seem to as happy as when he left and this lack of satisfaction on my part deepened. I shake the feeling he slept with someone, so yesterday i checked his emails, he forgot to delete his sent messages which revealed through 8 emails he replied to one the one day to the groom to be. The groom was worried be might have contracted cold sores as he went for "option B" with did not require barrier protection like "option A" which my boyfriend went for. My boyfriend did not seem to feel and remorse or guilt like the groom reassuring him that he didnt have anything to worry about and bragged that he was" in there longer". The groom was also worried about his credit card being charged and asked my boyfriend how he paid. My boyfriend said he used the cash point 3 times then charged his card once- thats to me me sounds as if he made a lot of purchases. Previous to checking his email i asked him if anything happened when he was overseas, he swore on his life that he didnt sleep with anyone, not even a hooker. My boyfriend is very affectionate, generous and loving. I feel that when he drinks to to much with his friends he has something to prove. I am 27, I don't know whether I should leave him. I havent confronted him yet. What should I do?

[DoesntMatter]

OK first of all I am really drunk right now. But it is like this, I have considered having sex with prostitutes before, but people here proved to me that I should not, so I did not. But some of my "friends" have had sex with prostitutes, that is actually how they lost their virginity.

But if I had a girlfriend, I would NEVER consider having sex with a prostitute. Not at ALL if I had a gf. Your boyfriend is not thinking straight in the head..,..

[miSSleepy]

OK first of all I am really drunk right now. But it is like this, I have considered having sex with prostitutes before, but people here proved to me that I should not, so I did not. But some of my "friends" have had sex with prostitutes, that is actually how they lost their virginity.

But if I had a girlfriend, I would NEVER consider having sex with a prostitute. Not at ALL if I had a gf. Your boyfriend is not thinking straight in the head..,..

you're so cute. you even sound drunk

[Moonchild]

Out with it, I think. Tell him that the "stag do" (honestly, I'm not sure what that is, exactly) worried you some, and that you'd like to be reassured again, or that you'd like to know the details of his trip, if only to ease your mind. He might think this a little odd, but if he has nothing to hide, he'll talk to you. If he says there was nothing interesting, then mention that you saw some sent mail and would like an explanation in order to resolve what might be an issue. Part of any relationship is communicating in a manner with which you have the best chance of getting through it--he's not doing well by lying, but you wouldn't do well to blame him or get mad, and dumping him out of the blue (especially after a few years together) seems a little ridiculous. Try to talk it out. No matter what approach you use, he'll be nervous and worried. If he can talk it through calmly with you, then I'd say keeping him is a good idea. However, there are two things to watch out for that could spell disaster--one, he isn't ashamed of what he did. Your relationship with him is based on caring and truth--he seems to have violated the truth already, and it would be a deal-breaker, I think, for him to violate the care and emotion that forms the foundation. Second, if he gets very upset and starts trying to put blame on you. That's not a good sign of anything, and the best example of this would be if he were to concentrate only on how you didn't trust him, and how it was wrong of you to go through his sent mail. That would be his attempt to reverse your positions--but in the end, it won't reverse what he's done. In short, he has to admit it and regret it. Of course, this all assumes that all this is exactly what you think it is--the parts of e-mails you're paraphrasing sound kind of vague to me, so you should definitely give him a chance to explain.

[Illusional]

plain and simple... if i ever had a gf that slept with anyone else, i'd kick her ass to the curb no questions ask. regardless of how drunk i get, i never cheat on my gf.

raverboy

[LostNotFound]

confront him..then kick his ass to the curb.

a stag night is like a guys night out before he gets married.

[Charlie Boy II]

Are you sure he f-cked one of them? As far as I can see there's no smoking gun in your post. He might be talking about lap dances. I mean it's pretty rare for a guy to see a hooker three times in one night.

[Illusional]

The groom was worried be might have contracted cold sores as he went for "option B" with did not require barrier protection like "option A" which my boyfriend went for. My boyfriend did not seem to feel and remorse or guilt like the groom reassuring him that he didnt have anything to worry about and bragged that he was" in there longer".

Are you sure he f-cked one of them? As far as I can see there's no smoking gun in your post. He might be talking about lap dances. I mean it's pretty rare for a guy to see a hooker three times in one night.

i think that sums up your assumptions about lap dances.

raverboy

[Charlie Boy II]

^^^Assumption? It was a suggestion. Do you know what an assumption is? Can you decipher qualifications like "might". For example: "he MIGHT be talking about lap dances."

In any case, cold sores happen on the mouth. You can get cold sores from kissing your aunty. And who the f-ck calls condoms "barrier protection"?

[vashti]

Maybe they were blow jobs? Herpes can appear in both the mouth and the genitals.

Anyway, I wouldn't tolerate a guy sleeping with a stripper/hooker. Why should you? It would just give him license to do it again because you've already tolerated it once. Besides, you are putting yourself at increased risk for disease contraction. I'd boot his ass to the curb.

[Gigabitch]

In any case, cold sores happen on the mouth. You can get cold sores from kissing your aunty. And who the f-ck calls condoms "barrier protection"?

Someone whose first language is not English.

The cold sores that happen on your mouth are herpes. Yes. They are. Listen to Vashti.

If there is even a chance that he 1) slept with a hooker and 2) might have an STI that he could transmit to you then you need to not only talk about this, but ****ing YELL about it. Throw some shit at his head. Call him a filthy pig.

If I ever thought for one minute that my boyfriend went out and ****ed some whore under any circumstances, I'd throw all of his shit out in the yard and possibly set it on fire. Why are you being so calm about this?

[Illusional]

^^^Assumption? It was a suggestion. Do you know what an assumption is? Can you decipher qualifications like "might". For example: "he MIGHT be talking about lap dances."

In any case, cold sores happen on the mouth. You can get cold sores from kissing your aunty. And who the f-ck calls condoms "barrier protection"?

ok in that case.. you honestly gets a blow job with "barrier protection"??

raverboy

[Only-virgins]

The first 3 sentences of this are ok but the rest with the entire option A and B thing is just so poorly and un-clearly written. Anyway, dump the cheater.

[ftheunion]

So hostile these posts, especially setting his crap on fire?!.................hardcore.

Its natural for guys to do that stuff when they are drunk. Keep in mind he wasn't in a critical thinking mindframe.

I suppose your inference is decent. But truth is three theories (you are using coherent). Don't kick him to the curb until you do this:


Tell him you are going to leave him. If he cracks and tells you and appologizes, then you might consider him again in the future.

If he denies it, then calmly tell him you hope it didn't happen, but you feel you still have to leave because of your incling.

[gartlas]

I think ur wrong,ftheunion ,why give the bastard another chance.As I say to many people,there are many fish in the sea.you deserve better!tell him to piss off and if he doesnt then chuck all his stuff on the street when its raining and change the locks.Cheating ,even with hookers is unaceptable.zero tolerance ,at all! dump the self serving dickhead.do you really think that he didnt think about you when he bought the hooker,cos he did.he felt a tiny stab of guilt and crushed it mercilessly.so you should crush him too