Will you guys marry a girl who has kids???? (please give me your opinion on this)

[ashscottish]

Hi Guys...

Please let me know your opinion, I had a boyfriend ( we broke up recently). And I have 3 kids,im 26 and a single parent... Although I know that this has nothing to do with the relationship but I know that the reason why he does not want to get married is because of the kids which I find unacceptable. I have loved him equally with them, supported his needs.. I tried my best to let him acquaint with them. He is close to my 2 daughters but was never close to my son.

Now, I only think that I can never find someone whom I can spend the rest of my life with.. Because for sure I know guys would want to start a family of their own.. So here I am.. Living my life and starting to accept the fact that I will grow old alone ( of course with my kids)....

Is this really happening to most of us?

[Tedel]

No, I wouldn't. Those kids would have a father and that is always an "issue"...

Notwithstanding, there are many guys who do.

[ashscottish]

I appreciate your feeback..

The father of the kids has his own family now, but he did not neglect his responsibilities.. which somehow im still thankful for..

Sometimes its just unfair to see that men do not want to go with women like us, but if these men have the same dillema, we can understand and accept.. ( and even acts the real mom) Its just soo sad to face reality...

[vashti]

Having been a stepmom AND a mom, I can tell you that it takes a very special kind of man to be able to handle someone else's children well. To be honest, I would discourage men in your age range from doing it. Maybe when they are older, but certainly not in their 20s...

That being said, women with children DO remarry.

[Gigabitch]

Are you willing to entertain the idea of marrying an older man? I agree with Vash that someone your own age is unlikely to be a good fit for your situation.

[Henry123]

Yeah you might want to check out some older guys or mature guys.

(pisss by the way make sure he has lots of cash! )

[ashscottish]

Yeah... I think I would prefer someone older rather than settling with my range.. I guess they will be able to handle things better... BUt it's hard to look for older men these days.. they're rather gay or married..

By the way, another question came out of my mind suddenly... People say that women tend to mature faster than men, can you attest to this? If so, why and what do you think is the range of men who we can say mature already?

[squirrley]

I know the feeling. I recently married for the first time with a son whose 16, father was never around for him. A couple of years ago I met someone whom I THOUGHT was accepting. We married a year ago. Earlier this year they got into a huge fight, my son was arrested, let go of course, but it was bad. He joined the Military and things were fine til Labor Day, my son messed up. My husband wont allow my son back into the house and so I moved out and into another place with my son.

Its not easy being in this position. I love my husband but I have extreme reservations that our marriage will hold out. Because I am without a doubt here for my son first and foremost. Hes still in HS and Im NOT going to abandon him. I hate this position I am in, but my heart tells me almost weekly that maybe my husband just isnt the person I thought he was. For better or worse right? Well were at our worst and he's not there for me.

My husband is 36, an attorney and an author. No kids and no previous marriage. Therefore he just doesnt GET what its like to be a parent. I know alot of male friends who wont marry into our situation because of the kids, but there are men who do. But it certainly takes a VERY VERY special person to be there as a family.

Your children obviously young enough that maybe given the right person you'd be fine. But I can tell you the older they get the harder it is too. We thought we'd be ok because my son was turning 18 soon and out the door, but here we are, in a mega mess of hell.

Just becareful of who you are involved with. As a single parent ALL of these years the one thing I did do for my son was NOT bring into my home a different guy all of the time. I had 2 relationships in 15 yrs until now. I want him to look back and think yea my mom was there for me and having a man her life wasnt the most important thing.

I wish you luck sweetie, because it is NOT easy being a single parent! But I can tell you there is someone out there thats right for you!

[ashscottish]

That was very inspiring... Im teary eyed, I never opened this topic to anyone, maybe because of my fear that they wont understand.. And all im thinking right now is not for myself but for my kids... I will give them all the best in the world even if whats at stake is my own happiness... because they are my happiness as well... I know GOD has a purpose for all of this.. Sometimes, im thinking why there are people who just cant be happy..

Well, this is the life I chose I believe.. And all I can do is to accept and embrace it and make the most of it..

[squirrley]

Youve got it girl! Ive always placed my son first. Guess its the mom in us. Its very difficult thinking of our own happiness and theirs. My parents said to me the other day I basically put my life on hold for him. And JUST when I thought I had found my happiness my world has come tumbling down. But Im here for my son. Believe it or not, kids see when situations arise whose side mom is on, and when felt its not theirs its a huge problem, especially when they become older. Ive got 2 males that fight for my time. Its almost ludacris, and jealousy my goodness its out the door. Two alpha males competing. Whose suppose to be the adult here right? My husband and he's not.

You have to REALLY KNOW if the person you get involved with will accept not just you but your children with and through the good and BAD times, not bail on you when things go awry. I truly thought I had that with my husband, but when push came to shove, my son and I were shoved out the door. Did he honestly believe I could throw my son out? It was a direct hit at me, he doesnt see it that way but it is.

When you get involved with someone, just really talk about things, I know he said he'd be there no matter what, but he's not. He gets the best of both worlds. I go over there on the weekends, get some some and Im out.

NOT to mention the in-law drama that has come into this as well. Will HIS parents be accepting of it? My in-laws WERE. Now my mother in law wants nothing to do with my son, talk about stuck. Ive recently posted what had happened. Torn between husband and son. But I KNOW what youre going through. Keep your head up. And everyday since Labor Day I have been under a surmountable amount of stress. Teeter totter everyday. I miss my husband, but then I get angry again at the situation. I too so believe everything happens for a reason and God DOES have a plan, Im just trying to figure out what my plan is NOW!

[ashscottish]

Hmmm.... Are you currently working?

When it comes to the IN-Laws well i already met them, but they dont know anything yet.. Weve been together for more than a year, and now that we separated what's hard is that we work in the same office and I see him everyday.. I handle all the expenses at home because I dont ask from my parents anymore, and its really really hard i swear! Hopefully we can settle this problems of ours in time.. time will only tell..

Are you still seeing your husband? any plans of separating legally? Thats also one of the reasons why I cant settle down, its the fear that I know in time it will never work out....

[squirrley]

I do work full time. My son works 30 hours a week while attending school too. Its a struggle financially, because Sarasota FL is one of the most expensive places to live in FL(next to Miami and Naples). Of course having my own debt and now a rent payment. My husband pays the rent and I pay all utilities. Now that Ive moved out, he pays all at that house, and i pay all here. OUCH. Credit cards, and car payment puts a crunch in things. But in a couple of months my son will be taking over here and helping out financially. January his fiance will be moving in and helping out.

Why dont the inlaws know of whats going on with you guys? Sometimes I wish I NEVER called my family about all of this, but family is all you have in the end. It has put some negative feelings towards my husband. Right now I could give a rats ass about my mother in law, she basically escalated the situation to what it is.

Were not legally seperated. Just living in 2 seperate households during the work week. I have 2 chihuahas which is hard too, leaving them there. I hate leaving on Sun to come back here, especially when we have a wonderful weekend. But Ive come to enjoy ME time again, which could hurt us in the end.

Time does heal, but memories I just cant forget. Thats what keeps me from wanting to be home with my husband full time any time soon. I have issues here with my son too, he drives me crazy with his stupid crap he pulls.

Only time will tell for sure. But how do I get past whats happened? I dont know that I can. My husband has hurt me deeply. I think about the fact my son is gone in May anyway, then where I am? Do I want to be alone, can my marriage be saved?

Thats why I stress to you with deep concern, choose wisely. If you want to be with someone, date for awhile. We were married in less than 2 years of dating. Sometimes I feel I did it out of rebound, and then or did it because I didnt want to be alone anylonger.

Your situation is 3 times harder. I truly believe it may take someone who is older and has been through more than someone whose 26. You NEED to have someone whose emotionally stable. There I dont have that either. My husband is bipolar added to that mix its rough. Choose wisely sweetie. Make sure you KNOW this man inside and out. Make sure whoever he is, he bonds with ALL of your children and doesnt single one out. Because trust me, those years ahead will be hell. Im sure you love this person with all of your heart and its a battle of the heart and mind. You will without a doubt put your children first. Its in our genes.
(ok for most of us women anyway).

time will tell...many prayers right!

[tooxshort]

She's from the Philippines ... her problem with older men is that they might already have been married, and since there isn't any type of legal divorce there, they don't have a chance to be remarried.

If she was from here, I would have suggested finding a guy with children as well, so he could understand where you're coming from, Brady Bunch style, but it's not like that in PI.

However, you should be able to find someone to date while having three kids ... however, Filipino guys don't usually like to take care of kids that aren't their own ... or take that chance. That's just the way it is ...

[Illusional]

holy shit... 3 children at 26?? wow.. that's a handful. i'll be honest, i was ready to get with a girl who had one child, but three?!?! that's more than "I'D" personally want to handle. i want atleast one of my own, not 3 of some other guy's children.

raverboy

[DoesntMatter]

I would marry a girl who has kids as long as you were willing to have at least 4 or so kids with me... Obviously not all guys are like me... I can only speak for myself, I want at least 4 or 5 kids

Oh ya I'm 18, a virgin, never been kissed, am in college, etc... Just for when you are thinking about everything I say....