looking for some help/advice/idea's on my current situation

[satinsilverk20a]

where to start...heh, I hope you guys like to read.. Confused

I am 21 years old. I've had 3 serious relationships. Dated a few other girls, nothing substantial, just a few months or so. I also have had relations with a few other females. In reality, I've had 0 serious relationships..if that makes any sense.

My first girlfriend was when I was 16, no experience, totally whipped. I learned A LOT from this. This would probably be the most serious in the aspect of the girl having my full attention through out the 1.5 years or so we were together. Again, stupid, unexperienced, and whipped!

The other two lasted around the same length, but I was never caught up in my own feelings. It was one sided, and although I did "like" the girls, I always wanted my space, and there was many, many, many "breaks" always initiated by me.

There was one girl out of every girl I met in the 5 years since that I actually was feeling. We had nothing in common, the sex was amazing, and I was in lust. After three months she started getting weird, and very quickly distanced herself. After a month of losing my mind trying to figure out what was going on, I find out that for my month of sorrow, she was dating my best friend. This was the only girl I can honestly say captured my feelings and showed me that love is pain. After it all ended I saw that we really had nothing in common, and realized a lot was her looks and the sex. This girl occurred between the other two of my three year long relations. I was 19 I believe.

I started dating this girl, much younger than me. From day one, the first time I met her, I knew I wasn't feeling her. It lasted a good 4 months, with too many breaks to count. She was at my house one day, I got out of the shower, and just told her immediately that I thought we should see other people. She got her stuff and left. Of course right away, I thought to myself "what did I just do" I couldn't do it to her anymore, I held myself back from running outside and saying I changed my mind.

After hearing news of her being with someone else, I started to see her again. We went behind his back a number of times and this went on for a while. Eventually he found out what was going on and things got very complicated. Right around this time I was diagnosed manic depressive aka bipolar. I began treatment on a medication that made me realize why my thought patterns and feelings were so inconsistent. Being on the medication changed my life. So immediately all of the things I used to have trouble with, ended. The most important in my mind being the ability to know what I want with a girl, and not have weeks where I felt it, and weeks where I didn't. I tried for a stupid amount of time to be with this girl, and she was playing mind games with both of us. Eventually I stopped caring, and it was over. Funny, she came running back a few months later. Looks like we did it to each other. Karma I guess.

Here is where things change, and this is where my story begins on why I am posting.

My point in all the above text is that for so long I have been trying to find a girl that means something to me. A girl that just isn't a sex object, which I had problems with doing. Maybe I never really had feelings like I thought I did for the past girls, thus the bipolar tenancies to snap for no apparent reason, ignore, or doubt myself and the relationship. I do know one thing, and that is now that I am on this medication, when I want something, I go for it. I no longer think twice, back off, or doubt. My thoughts are very straight forward, I couldn't have asked for a better life change.

One night, I am at my very close friends house helping him install a part on his car. He needed something and it was quite late, so he sent me and his two younger brothers to a neighboring town's Auto zone. There was a cute girl inside, and we were poking at each other talking about her, when the younger of the two brothers asks if I saw the blond outside He noted she was much better looking. We find out the store doesn't have what we need, and the worker sends us to home depot. I walk out, see the blond girl is VERY cute, and get in my car. We start heading out of the lot when i asked the two brothers if they had any idea where to go. There response said to me that we were going to get lost. Immediately I take up the opportunity and back the car up, roll down the passenger window and ask the blond where to go. She walks up with her friend (the girl we saw inside) and they try to give us directions. I gave her a blank stare and she asked if we wanted her to lead us there. Off we went, perfect chance to meet a new girl.

[satinsilverk20a]

When we got there I immediately said to the driver , the blond, "You're maadd cute!" Her friend says to me "hahaha thats funny she just said the same thing about you!" I asked their names, and we talk for a little while. I took my opportunity and looked at the driver, now known as Tara, if she was single. She said she wasn't, so I smoothly said, "Ok, well I'm going to give you my number, and if you ever want to call me feel free to" She said alright, and off they went.

Three months later, I get a text message from "Tara depot" as I had stored her in my phone. The message read "hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?" I responded with "lol do you have the right person?" she responded with yes and we sent a few more messages until I asked her if she had a screen name and sent her mine. Almost immediately a message popped up on my screen. This was the start to a conversation I haven't had with a girl in a long time. It's rare you get into an online conversation that lasts for 1.5 hours talking about anything and everything while sitting in your chair perked up smiling typing away. We quickly realized how much we had in common, considering the 3 or 4 times we sent the same message at the same exact time (very random stuff) Towards the end of the convo, it was evident this girl was going to become part of my life, especially since we were joking around talking about it being fate and what not, and how we've both been looking for someone for quite some time. I called her and talked to her for a while and we made plans to meet up the next night.

Let me tell you that from the second we started talking online, to when I met her in person, and for the next two weeks, I had never met anyone so perfect. Everything was perfect, we found so much in common with each other it was just scary, and each time it strengthened what we were feeling. She was the first, to say that it felt like we knew each other for so much longer, and that this felt surreal, and that she was starting to have strong feelings for me. I felt the exact same way, so very quickly I opened up to her too. It didn't matter, I was comfortable around her from day one, and her the same. Things that usually take weeks, or months, were being expressed within the first 5 days. I introduced her to my family, who couldnt stop raving about her, and how much she seemed like she liked me. This girl was what I have been looking for so long, and she agreed. We talked about how it didn't matter with the word dating, and that the sex thing wasn't even a factor, we just loved what was happening and were ready to just let everything go and see where it went. No regrets, just taking it all in, everything felt so right. We spent 5 days straight together. She even mentioned how it wasn't awkward when we were driving with the music off not talking like normally it would be when you first meet someone. I had no feelings that I needed to impress this girl. I am very subconscious about myself, I am a good looking guy, but not very big, very skinny due to the medication I am taking for my ADD. Her brother is my age, and one day I noticed that he was even skinnier than me. I said to her you know what tara, your brother is skinnier than me, and thats something that I am always so worried about when it comes to girls. She responded with "no way mike, you're perfect" WOW!! I mean everything out of this girls mouth was exactly what I wanted to hear, and she was showing more affection to me than any girl I have EVER met. I even got down deep into her head, and noticed signs of ADD and Bipolar, I explained to her my history and how I used to feel, which ended up in a response saying "A lot of people have told me I need help, I always tell them I don't, but you are the only person that has ever explained to me so well exactly why my mind works like it does. I was right on the money. I even gave her a small dose of my two medications to try, which had very noticeable results to her, almost immediately calling her mother saying I want to see a therapist" During these weeks we went out to eat, we had fun doing everything we did, and we were amazed at how much we were alike. At the end of the first two weeks, she had plans to go to a large party in Fishers Island New York. She wanted me to go, but I needed to be around to work on my car that was at my friends house in the middle of being repaired. I asked her to sleep over but she wasn't sure if she could, it ended up that her father was giving her a hard time and kept delaying. She could have slept over, no big deal. She finally left that Saturday around 5:00 and returned Sunday night, where I went to see her. She ran over to me and gave me a giant hug, total assurance to me that after a few days of absence she was definitely feeling me. I bugged her to sleep over that night too, but she was very tired and didn't want to be in a car anymore (I live a good 35-40 miles away) I went home that night and went back over in the morning. Around 4 her friend came and picked her up, I told her to call me later if she wanted to hang out, bugged her to sleep over again, which didn't happen. The next day I was midway to her house getting a medication filled and I text her saying I was near her town and if she wanted to hang out and sleep over. She told me she was in a town opposite of where I live. I asked her that if she wanted to call me when she was leaving and I'd meet up with her since it was closer to me than driving all the way out back towards her house. She said she'd let me know. I didn't talk to or see her that night. That was on Tuesday I believe.

[satinsilverk20a]

I didn't realize it yet, but I was becoming attached, and even if I did, it didn't matter because we had discussed our feelings already and that nothing mattered. Was all this too good to be true? YEP...would I be on this board if it wasn't?

She did not respond to my calls or texts until Wednesday. I felt like I was blowing up her phone, which isn't a good feeling. I left her a voice mail around 5 telling her I felt like she was ignoring me and wasn't sure why. She called back and said she doesn't want me to think that. So I felt reassured, I asked what she was doing later, I can't remember or not if we made plans for that night, but I bet I asked her to sleep over. The reassurance faded quickly when I realized I was being ignored.

Finally on Thursday I got a hold of her and told her I wanted to pick her up from work. She responded with "Okay!!!" She ended not going to work, because she had picked up a cold over the weekend in New York. I had sent a text in the morning asking her how work was, and didn't got a response around 3:30 saying "I didn't go to work" Now I know my text messages sometimes don't go trough for a extremely long time, but I don't know about this one for sure. I called her and her phone beeped as if she was on it, and she didn't answer. I called 3 more times...no answer. I was already on my way, and was starting to get very upset. The phone rights, and it was her. Again, reassurance flowed through me. I asked her what the hell was going on and if she still planned to see me since I was already on my way to meet her for 4 @ her work like planned. She said she was at her friend Brittany's house and I asked if I could stop by.

I got there and they were laying in her bed, her very obviously sick, and her friend claiming she got her stick too. We joked around and I made attempts to get them out of the house. We went onto the porch for a while, and then they went right back in. I walked outside in attempt to get them to follow, but of course they didn't. Right back in bed. I called from the driveway saying c'mon get some fresh air, she didn't want to. I pushed hard again, stupid. I sat out there for a while, and left to go to the store to get some of that airborne stuff so I wouldn't get sick and to give to them to feel better. Got back, went inside, and talked. Her mother then said come on lets go. I got the impression they had to leave because her mother had to go somewhere and that they were coming with me. I misunderstood and found out they were going to see her friends grandmother. She even said something about "I bet I'll feel better with fresh air" just to mess with me. I said "I'm gonna frekin kill you" and we all laughed. As we got outside I asked Tara if she wanted to come with me, of course she said no. She asked if I was gonna hang around her town, which obviously I wasn't since I didn't know anyone. I told her to call me when she gets back if she wanted to see me and that I most likely would be at my buddy's house (the one who needed the car part that night)

I hung out there for a while, and text her a good 2 hours later asking if she wanted to hang out. She responded with a straight forward "I don't want to do anything tonight" I should have took the hint, but I had to call her and ask her what the hell was going on, and why all of a sudden she doesn't want to be all over me constantly. FINALLY she told me she was pushing me away like she always does because she is having second thoughts. She told me she does this with every guy, and she didn't know why. She basically told me she just needed space. I talked about it with her for a while, and probably rambled about stuff like I knew why she felt like that (due to my old history of doing that to girls because of bipolar) and we hung up. I felt much reassurance again, and went home. She told me where she was going and I think I spoke with her over text's telling her read her horoscope (which we had been doing together noticing how right on they were about everything good happening between us) I had her look because it was right on about what she was feeling. About 30 minutes later she sent a text telling me her mother called flipping shit for no reason all drunk telling her not to come home. I told her that I would come right back and get her, which was a much better choice than staying where she was having to sleep on a ****ing workout bench. I waited and hour and she said she would stay. I jumped out of my bed hopping around SO happy and off I went. Her phone died and I drove around trying to find the damn house (she lives in a cityish area with lots of blocks and similar looking houses) and FINALLY after almost an hour she called me from another number. She was able to finally get her phone to stay on for more than 10 seconds to get my number and write it down. I was so happy to see her at that point, she slept over, and the next day things just seemed so awkward. I asked her if she was still feeling like that and she told me she didn't know. We talked more again and she seemed like she was in a great mood and things were not as bad as I was thinking they were. I hung out with her for a while and it wasn't the same, I got some affection out of her but I had to provoke it. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said I don't care. I mentioned to her that I missed how it was and just couldn't understand what was going on, god oh god why didn't I just give her the space she said she needed. I went home to do some work for someone I know. That was this Tuesday and the last time I saw her. I didn't talk to her wed. but ****ed up and did send two text messages, nothing related to us, just something random and a funny picture. No response, the next day I didn't text, but I did call her at night asking if she wanted to come to a party at my buddy's house and to break her plans to see me for once, and to call me the next day if she did.

[satinsilverk20a]

Of course I ended up calling her, she was crying, something about her mom again, and she said she was gonna stay home and relax because she hadn't done it in a while. I said "so your just gonna sleep?" and noted to her that she will end up going out, sleeping until 2am and then being up all night, or not sleeping at all. She was upset about her mom, I wanted to be there with her. I asked if she was sure and said what would you do if I came anyways. I only said this because I figured she was in a state of mind where she needed someone to get her out of being upset. Bad mistake, the phone went dead a few words later, and I hung up and called back two times without answer. My phone rings 5 minutes later and its her friend on her phone. I'm like "hello...who's this..and where are you?" she says driving around. I was like wtf why is she lying to me Brittney what the hell is going on why is she doing this. She told me Mike she asked you for her space, you aren't giving it to her, and I rambled off again with stuff I probably should have just let be and again said ok and hung up. But instead I got hung up on. I was pissed thinking I was being completely played with, so i sent a text to Tara saying "This will be the last time i call you" and I meant it in the way of giving her her space. But I also said something along the lines of "i thought you were different, i thought we realy had some, i guess i was wrong"

Immediately her friend calls back and starts bitching that she really was crying because of her mom and I was only making it worse, she doesn't need this right now just give her the damn space your scaring her acting like her ex boyfriends (one who apparently went to jail for something, the other a drug addict) and again, i tried to talk my way out of it with my side of the story and why I was having trouble staying away because I never got any clear answers or reasons (even though i did and just couldn't pick up on them, which I realize even more now after writing this whole damn novel) and again, I got hung up on. I sent one more text to Tara probably stupid move again, but this one said "Tara, I'm sorry for being so annoying, I will give you the space you want. You're a great girl, I hope things get better" Referring to her crying about her mother. which I am sure she probably took wrong as well.

I then went online and sent this message to her friend that I had talked to. Again probably a bad idea.

[satinsilverk20a]

the first few weeks were beyond imaginable with her. Everything just seemed so perfect and right, we went with the flow and there was no talk of anything other than we enjoyed being around each other beyond just friendship. She was the first to express her feelings towards me. It came as a shock because I've never had a girl seem to be so into me so fast and so confident about it. I've never met anyone I am so in common with it was almost scary, she'll confirm that. She showed affection towards me and it was very obvious. Then out of no where, just over two weeks after meeting her, everything was gone. After a week of avoidance. She tells me she's pushing me away like she always does and doesn't really know why. she could have told me the first day i would have understood.

I've been looking for someone that I can share my feelings with for 3 years with no luck only bullshit relationships. I am not josh, I am not the other kid (i cant remember his name) I am just a kid who thinks she is a wonderful girl and a kid who is responding to someone that told him fate brought us together.

i realize I've been real pushy and writing this message probably just makes it worse. Just understand that i've never been given a straight forward answer on why she is pushing me away. So I am always wondering. Does she even know?

tara (1:17:22 AM): :-p you know i was just thinking
tara (1:17:24 AM): and it really
tara (1:17:27 AM): just hit me
tara (1:17:36 AM): how much i REALLY really am into you
tara (1:17:41 AM): i mean i knew iliked you alot
tara (1:17:42 AM): bu tlike
tara (1:17:43 AM): idk
tara (1:17:48 AM): it hit me and iwas like
tara (1:17:54 AM): ..................SmileSmileSmile whooa
tara (1:17:56 AM): haha
tara (1:17:59 AM): goodnight :-p

tara (1:21:24 AM): yeah but iwas watching that stupid show
tara (1:21:28 AM): nepot harbor
tara (1:21:30 AM): or whatever
satinsilverk20a2 (1:21:11 AM): home deopt
tara (1:21:41 AM): and that girl that really liked that guy but they never liek pursued it
tara (1:21:47 AM): and it was there first kiss episode
tara (1:21:55 AM): and she fell asleep with a huge smile on her face
tara (1:21:57 AM): and i realized
tara (1:22:01 AM): how cute that was
tara (1:22:02 AM): then iwa sliek
tara (1:22:03 AM): omg
satinsilverk20a2 (1:21:39 AM): dude i think we had our first kiss tonight
tara (1:22:04 AM): i do that
tara (1:22:07 AM): every night
satinsilverk20a2 (1:21:49 AM): me too taratara (1:22:13 AM): i think aout it
tara (1:22:16 AM): hahahaha
satinsilverk20a2 (1:21:55 AM): thats why i was buggin after last night
satinsilverk20a2 (1:21:58 AM): i didnt like how i was feeling
tara (1:22:23 AM): yeah i think so
satinsilverk20a2 (1:22:01 AM): i just wanted to be with you
tara (1:22:32 AM): lol
satinsilverk20a2 (1:22:29 AM): you are on my mind 24/7 and i was real real REAL happy to hear you say you feel the same
tara (1:23:11 AM): :-p
satinsilverk20a2 (1:22:58 AM): no need to rush, no need to move slow, everythings perfect, thats all i know
satinsilverk20a2 (1:23:58 AM): goodnight
satinsilverk20a2 (1:23:59 AM): Smile
tara (1:25:03 AM): Very Happy goooodnight mike
satinsilverk20a2 (1:24:47 AM): Very Happy
satinsilverk20a2 (1:25:09 AM): goodnight my swirlyfiz

i think i know some of the reasons she feels the way she does now, maybe some stuff i said, but not for sure. scaring her off is the last thing i want to do, but being led on after hearing some of the most amazing things a girl has ever said to me its hard not to want to be around her.

i haven't opened myself up to a girl in a long time, but because everything was working itself out i didn't try and stop it it just happened. i fell hard, and probably made it too obvious. i will pick up the pieces and hope she comes around. if not then idk, i guess it still would be the best two weeks i've ever had with a girl and i'll move on.

thanks for bitchin me out and tellin me whats up, i needed it. its hard to see what your doing when your so caught up in trying to work something out that needs to work itself out. I've been seriously hurt by the last girl i fell for, and it was totally one sided which i found out in the end. ever since then my emotions have been locked up, this one just felt right. i haven't been more confident in the way i feel about a girl. maybe its because im older, maybe its because im on medication that keeps my mind in one spot. or maybe its because its fate.

just don't compare me to her ex's because the only relation i have to them is that im being annoying. they only brought her down, im trying to bring her up, and i did a damn good job of it while it was good. i dont think i would feel so confident and lustful like i do if she hadn't been the one to tell me her feelings were strong so fast. i'de rather her be blunt and hurt my feelings if this is never going to happen then leave me wondering if giving her space is even gonna do anything.

she is scared because of her past relationships probably, but so am i so im trying to hold on which doesnklt work.

i hope you read this and i hope you understand where im coming from.

thanks britt and sry for writing a novel.

and i know gettin so gushy after just a frekin month is pathetic, but its only because of how perfect everything seemed. imagine a toy you've wanted for years and cant find it in any store only broken ones, and one day you find it and lose yourself in it because you are so content, and then the toy stops working. so you try everything you can to fix it but realize after making everything worse and realize that if you just let it be maybe it would fix itself. then you start to wonder if maybe it will start to work again.

thats how im feeling. im not in love with tara, nor am i anywhere near it. she is just the toy brand new in box that i've been searching every store for.




she responded with

first off, this message did make things worse. she needs space and i did tell you why she didnt want to be with you, things change sometimes and you have to expect it, she did have feelings for you but sometimes things dont work out. and you were trying to help her, but did you ever think you were trying TOO hard, she doesnt need a counselor. and thats how you act towards her. its understandable that you're hurt but she tells you over and over again and so have i, that she doesnt want a relationship. you push and push and push even after i talked to you today you sent her a text. try to understand why shes freaked out, i mean me and her were sick that day and we wanted to just chill at my house, you SAT outside of my house waiting for us to come out when we told you that we didnt want to. she told you she wanted to just be friends but you dont understand that being friends doesnt mean you have to hang out everyday and then get pissed when she doesnt want to. you told her that u were going to just go to her house when she told you she didnt want to hang out. you blow up her phone just like josh and dan did. and everything i just explained to you about why she is freaked out, most likely ruined your chances for anything in the future to happen.

i'm sorry but you should have just let it go when she asked you too..



its been two days, i haven't called or texted, i deleted her number and her brothers from my phone so i cant since i don't know the actual digits.

i know this girl likes me, and now i know that i pushed too hard, but i also know that it wasn't all my fault ESPECIALLY since we had talked about how we were feeling each other and it didn't matter. I guess maybe i got TOO close, i couldn't help it. I have NEVER felt like this for a girl in my life. She is always on my mind, and has been since day one. I realize that her friend said the whole ruined your chance thing, but it doesn't phase me because i know its just a momentary feeling. I prey to god this girl will start to miss me. I just don't see how she wont if she felt anything liek she said. Did i push it too far, whats your advice on what to do from here. I guess I already know its just to leave it be and if its meant to be she will call. I don't even know why i posted this, i already know the answer. i guess i needed to do it. maybe someone can give me some input. you cant just meet someone and kill it that fast just because you let ur guard down because you felt she was feeling it too. after 2 weeks of buggin when asked for space FINALLY on the end of week one. I am going insane.

thanks to ANYONE who spent ANY of their valuable time to read this, i realize its ridiculously long and it look me forever to type. hopefully someone does. I also hope you guys understand why i gave my background info on previous girls. now that you know i scared her a bit with the whole "acting like her therapist" thing. I do that to everyone, is it bad to want to help? especially when you know exactly how a person is feeling?

btw she did go see a therapist and they did diagnose her add and manic depressive, so i know what I was doing was only because i truly know how she feels and why she cant figure out what thought to stick onto.

I fell so hard for this girl, I should have listened to a friend when he told me always expect the worst. It was hard to when the worst was impossible to see in her eyes or in mine. I know this girl felt things she hasn't felt. There is so much more to the story that i can add that makes me really feel deep inside she has feelings. I'm just wondering if they really may be gone, if I'm really out of the picture, or if time will make this girl realize what she really feels and like she did when she first told me she liked me.

[satinsilverk20a]

btw, I've noticed her away messages for the last 5 days whenever she is on is "idk"

i asked her two weeks ago if she wants to go to Vermont with me and my friend Matt, she was excited to go. maybe if i gave her her damn space she would be going. maybe ill get lucky and she will call me Thursday asking if i am still going for the weekend. maybe i am caught up in something i think i know but have no idea. its startin to feel like the girl who was with my best friend. i wonder if she is seeing someone else. i wonder way too much.

i tell you it IS a lot easier without her number in my phone. her brother suggested we go to the bar and just talk to girls and not give two shits. he is kinda in the same situation i am in too, just another weird similarity. i bet that would work very well if she is feeling, obviously i wouldn't do it for a while, it might come off as deliberately trying to make her jealous. at least im that smart...heh Sad

[dontknowhow]

long story. but read it all. give us the update if she calls you back.
but i'm not sure if there is any advice that i can give you.
i don't think you need any at the time.

[satinsilverk20a]

thanks for taking the time to read it, i don't think many will. I guess i know what to do already and you are right I don't need advice. just wanted to write it down somewhere i guess.

i've seen her pop online a few times today already, going away and actually @ the computer. but no messages sent to me. time will tell, but damn its gonna be a tough wait esp. if nothing improves or comes out of it. i just wish i knew so i could save myself the trouble of waiting around. ill give her two weeks, if i hear nothing from her ill let her go.

[Gigabitch]

i've seen her pop online a few times today already, going away and actually @ the computer. but no messages sent to me. time will tell, but damn its gonna be a tough wait esp. if nothing improves or comes out of it. i just wish i knew so i could save myself the trouble of waiting around. ill give her two weeks, if i hear nothing from her ill let her go.

Two weeks, huh? Sounds like it will be as easy as shutting a door. Let me know how that goes.

[dontknowhow]

yeah. i think u just had to tell someone about this story of yours.
u know.. just get it out your mind.
and this is just my opinion but i don't think you should give her two weeks.
she doesn't need it and you don't need to give it to her.
i don't think shes got anymore feelings for you.
if i were you, i would have expect the worst and move on already.
and if she talks to you again then it'll be a different start or w/e.

[satinsilverk20a]

i just don't get it, she agreed we were both looking for each other basically. We have so much in common...it really sucks. I sent her a message last night on AIM

Tara i really want to apologize for being so pushy. you gave out plenty of signals and i was blind to them. there are some things i want to say to clear up some stuff you might have misunderstood but i wont. if you want to talk call me. no rush and no pressure, talk to me when you want to. i'll understand if its not for a long time

now at the time i felt it was alright. now I'm thinking why did i even bother. i didn't get a response and didn't really expect one. I simple OK would have been courteous. I also wish I had not put i'll understand if its not for a long time. i wish I had written not for a while. either way, i wish i hadn't said anything at all. same problem trying to keep my distance. not so much. it shows her that I am still thinking about her constantly, or some bit at least. It is exactly what I don't want. I should remove her from my buddy list. Problem is I know her sn off the top of my head, not to mention constantly checking her facebook. :-/

I really hope she didn't lose feelings for me, but who knows maybe she figured out in the first week she wasn't so sure she was feeling anything at all. I could be wrong about this whole thing, but its hard to believe that when she was acting and expressing herself like she was.

i hate this feeling..i really do. She seemed like a very nice girl. I know she has compassion and might have trouble never talking to me again, since thats how she describes herself in her face book. Her brother is my age, and we chat, he is going through the same thing and making the same mistakes I am with a certain girl. It's good to have him on my side, but he is her brother so he might be talking to her without me knowing about what i say. From what I can see though, he is a lot like me, and a lot like she said she was, compassionate. I have trouble hating people, or really showing I don't want to talk or see them.

who knows, maybe she is cold and I don't know a damn thing about her. I just hope it doesn't turn out sour because all that does is put a SERIOUS damper on my already weiry thoughts about finding someone. I can't help it that im an emotional person and like to put my feelings on the table. Whats the point of holding back.

If I scared her off initially because of that or because I talked to her like I was her frekin doctor I can understand. That can def. be a thing to wanna keep away for a while and see if the person persists. Could that really destroy a relationship possibility? I guess from my own knowledge that first impressions are what lasts she probably has it set in stone that she wants nothing to do with me other than a friend, or distant friend. I just wish I picked up on the signals first.

funny thing is if thats the case, at least I wasn't like a lot of people who make the mistake of putting them self in the "friend" category, because I know once that happens it doesn't ever change and never will no matter what you do.

or did i?

all i know is that when she asked for space it started with some excuses that made no sense, everyone of them I had an answer for. Until she finally broke and told me she didn't know what she wanted to do. I believe she was crying a bit too. She told me that she just wants to be friends NOW. She said she has trouble making a commitment until she is sure she loves the person. Makes sence but how can you find out that if you avoid them after two weeks.

could it be that it was so perfect that we moved so fast? Maybe I am taking this way too far in my own head and the space she asked for is just to get me off her mind for a while and see if she is thinking about me constantly. I sure hope so.

There are so many differences between her and other girls ive dated. first off is it was instant connection. we met, and were 100% open about our feelings and insecurities gone within a few days. second would be all the things she has said to me, like how she LOVES to kiss me, that I am perfect when my insecurity about how small of a guy I am. third would be the sparks that flew while we were together realizing how much we were alike and how it just didn't feel like it was real.

I don't know if even the coldest person alive could actually act so well and really had been lying off the bat. I have lied to a girl about how i really felt (subconsciously thinking its how i did feel) but I never ever eveeeer have made it so clear and strong worded. Not even after a year. This happened with us in the first week.

I hate to say it but I fell in love in two weeks. Now I don't mean this seriously obvious, its just a word. A word I never throw around or haven't said to her. What I mean by this is I've never felt such strong feelings in such a short time with such a want to make it work.

Maybe its not me, maybe its her. Time will tell I guess. I just wish two weeks ago when it started to feel weird I had stopped myself and said, "hey maybe you gotta chill dude your not dating yet" It's hard when she gave me the feeling that even though there wasn't any "status" yet, it didn't matter. And this was discussed...

buh

[dontknowhow]

no.....
souldn't have sent her a message.
but i really think she is done with you.
she lied from the beginning and still lying.
well. i think you are gonna go through a tough time for next couple of weeks.
but after that you'll be alright.
hang in there.

[dontknowhow]

Two weeks, huh? Sounds like it will be as easy as shutting a door. Let me know how that goes.

my house front door is so freaking hard to shut.
it just won't shut.
i gotta get that fixed.

[satinsilverk20a]

we all know why i posted this....

[sine24]

What a read! I’m so sorry about what you're going through...I hope everything works out for you! You sound like a pretty intelligent and loving guy. Anyone that needs that amount of time away from someone they supposedly feel strongly about, is probably better off on their own. You deserve someone who is straight with you. Best wishes babe…you'll make the right decision.