My complicated story-how to get over her?

[Sad_Boy_1988]

I'm relatively normal teenager,but I was always too shy to approach a girl so I never really considered it.I have some friends who were also quite love shy so they made it bareable.I always met girls online.During that time I met another girl online and she wanted us to meet each other in RL but I refused,mostly because I wasn't ready to do something like that-I was too damn scared and a bit mazohist.I enjoyed thinking that girls are something I will never get because I am a victim of bullying.
Later in my life I met from the net in RL but I was always rejected.

It was like this until May of this year.Then,I met this girl called Mary on a mobile phone chat.She was about my age and she said she was coming to my town to colledge.Soon got very intimate,sending each other love messages.It was actually quite naive from us,because she said would be coming to my town in October and that was May,but we were too shortsighted to anknowledge that.
Basically,we would send each other erotic messages and pictures and we would say "I love" you all the time.Of course,I was worried a lot about the moment when we will meet,I was afraid she would dump me like all other girls did,but she told me not to worry because that is impossible.

But now comes the strangest part.Mary and me wrote so many messages to each other that we would just stare at our cellphones so we decided to take a break for a few days.
During the last day of our break I got a bit depressed and I missed her a lot,but I knew her cellphone was switched off,so I went to that mobile chat again,without any expectations,just to kill some time.
But that day was the worst day of my life.I met another girl,this only 16 year old and from my town.Her name was Sofia.The remarkable thing was that she went to the same kindergarden with me,so I remembered her a little when she was just a baby.
After some messages exchanged I told her about my fears towards girls,without mentioting that first girl,of course,and she said she would like to kiss me to make that up.

Suddenly I was in contact with two interested girls.It was flattering but scary in the same time.I got tons of beautiful messages every day from two different girls.However,in the same time,I was scared.
I wanted to be with the first girl because I had met her sooner and we were really attached but I decided to stay in the contact with Sofia too.Hell,in case the first girl doesn't like me I'll try my chances with the other one.You don't get many chances like this,I thought to myself.

However,there was one thing I didn't expect.The younger girl,Sofia,wanted us to meet somewhere,while Mary was still uncertain about the date of her arrival to see me for the first time.
So,out of sheer boredom,I met with Sofia first,just two days before Mary's arrival.I came there with greasy,unwashed hair and badly dressed,not expecting anything BUT MY GOD-we talked for 6 hours straight.
Moreover,my long awaited meeting with Mary 2 days later was rather lukewarm and dissapointing,but she didn't reject me and we kissed.

Now I was in some serious trouble.Two girls wanted me???!!! Even though I knew that Sofia really,really liked me I felt like I was responsible to Mary.Out of sheer stress and anxiety I did the stupidest thing ever.I told Sofia about Mary.She cried,but I comforted her and told her I will dump Mary.

But I had no courage to do it.Another factor was that Mary was not around and we have only seen that one time.So,I just told Mary we shoud be friends and we can continue our relationship after she arrives permanently in my town.
Now I started going out with Sofia and she was the first girl I ever really kissed with,for hours,it was magnificent.I touched her,caressed her and held her in my arms.
However,even after she forgave me about Mary I continued do to one stupid mistake after another.One day we had to meet and it was raining so I cancelled it so she got all wet.Now I know only a moron would to that-I don't know what got into me!
But my worst mistake was telling her I don't want to commit(I was scared of being hurt again).She became really mad after these words and said she's had enough of me treating her this way.
I tried do explain,but I couldn't.Unfortunately,she went to the seaside only one day after our fight so I couldn't do anything.

After she went to the seaside for 50 days I realised how much I miss her and love her during the first week of her absence.I spent my entire summer thinking about her.

I sent her many SMS messages,trying to explain myself and telling her I love her.She surprised me by saying that she'll be back for 2 days in order to get some medical test results.I asked her if we could meet then,but she refused,telling me I am a complicated person and difficult to deal with.Then I made another mistake and became angry,asking her if she liked touching my ****.It was an idiotic mistake,I know.
We never met during those 2 days,and she returned to the seaside.

I was getting desperate,begging her to forgive me,but her answers got colder and colder until she stopped answering me at all.

She hadn't sent a message in over 25 days while I sent over 20.I became so desperate that I admitted everything to Mary,who I did not see again but that one time.She told she is no mad and that she also has a confession to make-she didn't like me in RL and she knows I didn't like her too,but she wants to be my friend.She even said she wanted to try being with me before i told her about Sofia so she wouldn't dissapoint me.Moreover,she wanted to help me about Sofia so she sent her a SMS,telling her that we are just friends.Afterwards Mary and me became just friends and we will probably have a cup of coffee after she arrives here in October.

After Sofia finally returned on Septebmer 1,she sent me a short message "I don't know,I don't like you anymore".That was all after my 20 messages.
I begged her to let me see her one more time and she said ok,and told me that she'll let me know the time and place tomorrow.However,she never told me anything
She started completely ignoring me,never answering to any calls or answering to any messages.

I became totally depressed,crying a lot,not leaving the house to go out with my friends any more.I was on medications that helped me through the day.

I thought she will never contact me again in any way,however,after some time she contacted me again and we even talked on the phone.We agreed to meet face to face,but she didn't appear.
Now we exchange messages but she is very cold and doesn't want to meet me in RL again.
I got so desperate that I waited for her 2 and half hours at a tram station but she didn't appear.
She says she still likes my looks but she doesn't like me as a person.
Although my actions may point otherwise,I love her.It was just a combination of bad luck and my inexperience that caused this.

I tried to forget about her so I met an older girl who is my age but my self confidence is so low these days that I didn't want to have anything with her because I felt like I don't deserve her.Other reason is that I still
think a lot about Sofia...I don't want to be a stalker and follow her around but I can't forget her

What should I do?

[miSSleepy]

Wow. That is complicated, and your post is very heartfelt.
You seem like a very moody and full-on person right now, which might be a result of your past experiences and rejection.

And you do seem very complicated and beyond your years - something a 16 year old probably doesn't want to deal with. With Mary it was more a case of incopatibility, but you had chemistry with Sofia...you just happened to scare her away.

The root of your problem is your perception of yourself and your interaction with girls. Maybe you need a break of it all so you can work on making yourself happy and becoming comfortable with yourself. If you ahve unresolved issues with yourself, anyone else will find it hard to have a healthy relationship with you.

But right now, if you want to, I suggest telling Sofia exactly what you just told us, or even pasting it into an email. If she still doesn't like you, there's nothign you can do about it. The more you push her the more she'll run. In that case, break ALL contact and get on with your life. Take up something you like doing and develop an interest in life itself. I know you're very hurt right now and depressed, and you may have to seek professional help if you keep feeling so down. You just have to develop a strong will and mentally work at it.

[Sad_Boy_1988]

The root of your problem is your perception of yourself and your interaction with girls. Maybe you need a break of it all so you can work on making yourself happy and becoming comfortable with yourself. If you ahve unresolved issues with yourself, anyone else will find it hard to have a healthy relationship with you.

You got that right and I like your entire post,it was just something I was hoping to read.
The problem is that I was bullied as a child so I don't have much self confindence.
Another problem is based on my conclusion that in order to obtain a girlfriend you need to have strong attachments to members of a large peer group.In that case you are basically "offered" a girlfriend every once in a while.
I only have 5-6 friends so it's not really possible for me to find a girlfriend in RL because I don't have enough self-confidence to approach a girl I've never met before.

As for Sofia,I know it is already over but her behaviour is just terrible,I would just like to talk to her one more time and say goodbye but she doesn't want to.
First time we met she was all over me,saying she would us to be each other's first in bed and she likes me very,very much.
And now it's all gone and I can never turn back time.

[Gigabitch]

The problem is that I was bullied as a child so I don't have much self confindence.

You seem pretty committed to this. I suggest you start to question whether or not this is necessarily your permanent state.

Another problem is based on my conclusion that in order to obtain a girlfriend you need to have strong attachments to members of a large peer group.In that case you are basically "offered" a girlfriend every once in a while.
I only have 5-6 friends so it's not really possible for me to find a girlfriend in RL because I don't have enough self-confidence to approach a girl I've never met before.

Another way girls are thrown into your path is at work. I suggest you get a part-time job. It will bring you opportunities you weren't expecting.

As for Sofia,I know it is already over but her behaviour is just terrible,I would just like to talk to her one more time and say goodbye but she doesn't want to.

Write her a letter. This is more about you letting go than her letting you go.

[gartlas]

jesus,thats scary.MY advice is run away,go all the way to outer mongolia and try to forget it,being rejected hurts.just run away,for a bit,when u come back try and start again.And don't meet girls over the internet,just let things happen in real life,otherwise u don'tnow what you could get.

[Sad_Boy_1988]

What do you find scary,gartlas?

I don't want to send her a letter,it just wouldn't make any sense,I am letting go but my frustration and anger are terrible.
I destroyed my chances with that new girl I met a week ago because I feel like I don't deserve anything and I would just be dumped again.

I know I'll never have a girlfriend and I'll never talk to someone for 6 hours on a first date again.

[gartlas]

ok,fair enough.If your gonna be lie that i'lltell you the truth.You will NEVER get anywhere with that attitude.The only way to change things is fake it until it's real.I used to be the most introverted person around.Then I just acted at being outgoing until it worked.If you don't like my idea of running try that then get back in contact with sofia.c if things have changed enough after a few months

[Michael6084]

i dont how to address you....uh...sad boy. anyway shit happens and you try to learn from mistakes. rejection happens if you're a guy or a girl, so if things like that happen, the feeling sucks but its totally normal so dont feel too bad.

but i agree with gartlas, dont meet girls online. theyre trouble. the up-side to it is that if you can at least talk to girls online, then you're a step closer to talking to them in-person, that just needs a little breaking in. i myself met a girl online and i felt the same way before i changed my outlook on life, you know... the whole "shes too good for me" deal, but she ended up cheating on me by having sex with some other guy.

but yeah, i suggest that you go on your own "quest" to find yourself, the true strength in you. not look in yourself and be "i suck sooo much" type of deal, cuz who does that help? no one. the bullying is over, youre not a child so grow up. if you do want to find inner strength, you cant depend on anyone but yourself though and if you want strength you need to take initiative. hell, if going to the gym and gaining self-confidence by gaining muscle does it, then do it.

[miSSleepy]

The problem is that I was bullied as a child so I don't have much self confindence.

You have to let go of that and just see it as an experience. I was bullied too, very very much. I'm naturally outgoing, but my experiences made me painfully shy and that stood in may way like a brick wall. I had little confidence in myself until very recently. I lost my mother when I was 11, I emigrated from a war torn country, I have relatives I've never seen, and relatives I'll neve see again because they died during the 13 years I havent seen them. I have a handful of real friends.

But you know what? That was my life and I wouldn't change any of it because if it didn't happen I wouldn't be me.

That brick wall of shyness stood in the way of everything, friends, boyfriends, hobbies. I didn't go out at all, I had no opportunity to meet people. But what I did is I found things I'm good at and enjoy. For me it was reading, which eventually led to writing, and now that is a huge part of my life. I went to university and that opened up other opportunities such as meeting people, including my current bf. He opened up other opportunities and I took up martial arts, and now even though I have a handful of real friends (95% guys so one could say I have my own private fish pond) I love them and trust them with my life.

It's a whole lot of soul searching, and I'm happy with myself. Remnants of that brick wall are still there, but now that it's mostly gone I've never been happier in my life. You have to ACCEPT your past, not see it as a barrier. You're very young and you will not be in the same situation for long or forever. Things chance and people come and go.

Another problem is based on my conclusion that in order to obtain a girlfriend you need to have strong attachments to members of a large peer group.In that case you are basically "offered" a girlfriend every once in a while.
I only have 5-6 friends so it's not really possible for me to find a girlfriend in RL because I don't have enough self-confidence to approach a girl I've never met before.

No you don't need to have attachments to a large group. It helps, but it's not essential, and the girls you might meet that way may not be what you want anyway.

As for Sofia,I know it is already over but her behaviour is just terrible,I would just like to talk to her one more time and say goodbye but she doesn't want to.
First time we met she was all over me,saying she would us to be each other's first in bed and she likes me very,very much.
And now it's all gone and I can never turn back time.

Forget Sofia. Even though you're technically close in age, you're miles apart in attitude and mentality. If she doesn't want to talk to you, move on.

[miSSleepy]

Hey Sad Boy I just read your intro! You're from Croatia, the war torn country I'm talking about! Although I lived in Bosnia first, then moved to Cro for 2-3 years.

It's Marija, isn't it, not Mary?

[Sad_Boy_1988]

Yes,I'm from Croatia and,lucklily,it's no longer ar torn.When exactly did you live in Croatia?

As for my situation,well....Lately I've been talking to her a lot because she's answering my messages and yesterday she told me that if she would ever see me again she might fall in love,which actually gave me hope.
Now I again want to wait for her at the tram station and talk to her.
I feel like we're both young and there is still time for us...

I DON'T KNOW,I JUST CAN'T LET GO IF SHE'S GIVING ME HOPE

[AlwaysOnMyMind]

you'll get thru it buddy, just consider where your heart and emotions lie

[AlwaysOnMyMind]

Also, a cliche that is oft over used especially to those with a broken heart - yet still its true, if its meant to be.....etc

[Charlie Boy II]

I love it when new members come on here and dredge up a raft of dead threads for the sake of one sentence, sappy, meaningless posts