Am I being too jealous?

[myohmy]

Hello everyone, I'm in a very difficult situation right now and I need your opinion about it.

I'm getting on perfectly well with my girlfriend. We've been together now for 5+ years and we're still in love with each other. I trust her a lot and I feel confident with her.

The only thing in that's bothering me is her best friend. They've been best friends since high school - long before I've even met her. Moreover, they've had a short relationship before we met. Furthermore, even though he seems friendly and we're trying to be friends, I have little reason to trust him, because the only time she lied to me was related to him + he's cheated on his current longterm girlfriend (at least once), and has already slept with the girlfriend of a friend of his.

For a couple of years they've been working in the same office on the same project, and they've been to several cities together. The last time they were staying in the SAME hotel room, even though I was extremely uncomfortable with this ("why sleep in different rooms in a ** hotel, when we can get a single room in a *** one" ????). We almost broke up. We had some very difficult discussions about the situation but she didn't change anything. Now the situation repeats itself. This time they are going to another country, and apparently they've chosen to share a room AGAIN. I've told her from the very beginning that I'd be really really hurt if she does this, but hey - they did it again. This time it's money (again it's cheaper to take one room than to take two) and room availability (apparently the event they're visiting gets a lot of attention and people MIGHT have to share rooms - girls and boys separated, of course). But you know, I don't give a f*** about the price - I told her that I'm going to pay for the difference. If she asked me to share a room with a stranger than with a very good female friend of mine - I'd do it without any fuss about it!

The thing is that I adore my girlfriend, and she adores me. We're very much in love with each other, and we're getting on great, maybe we're going to get married, have kids, well.. everything is really perfect. When I tell her, that I want her to be in a single room, or to possibly share it with another (stranger) girl, she accuses me of being too jealous without any reason. She says that she'd never given me any reason to be jealous (that's true) and that she loves me and I shouldn't be worried at all. Then she adds that she doesn't want me to set limits to her and that this is her best friend after all. BUT I still feel extremely uncomfortable to know that they're going to stay in the same hotel room and I feel that she should make a little compromise about this. After all, I'm not asking her to never talk with other men!

I wanted to ask and see if people agree with her that I'm really too jealous or that she's pushing too hard on this.

So, the question is - am I playing stupid and overreacting on this?

Thank you for your help !!!

[misombra]

i would flip my wig if my bf shared a hotel room with a female friend and co-worker that's known to be a whore.

[Junket]

Your girlfriend is a pimp and you're her bitch.

Put her in her place and break up with her.

[Gigabitch]

I think you know you're not being unreasonable, the problem is that she doesn't know it.

Would she be willing to go see a relationship counselor with you? I think you can be pretty sure that she'll take it more seriously coming from a professional. What do her other friends think about this? If one of my girlfriends was in her place, I'd be giving her no end of shit about her "surrogate boyfriend".

[DarkDwarf]

I think you know you're not being unreasonable, the problem is that she doesn't know it.

Would she be willing to go see a relationship counselor with you? I think you can be pretty sure that she'll take it more seriously coming from a professional. What do her other friends think about this? If one of my girlfriends was in her place, I'd be giving her no end of shit about her "surrogate boyfriend".

I agree with Giga.

[misombra]

they're fuc-kin. find another girlfriend.

[squirrley]

Maybe she's innocent here, and she's never given you a reason to doubt her. The trust lies within the so called best friend, not trusting this guy. I dont think its unreasonable that youre request or concerns are for her to have her own room. My gawd my husband would NEVER suggest a thing let alone think its ok to do so.

Youre not over reacting, youre showing genuine concern. Did you tell her its HIM you dont trust? Try to put it that way. Try not to show jealousy but its not professional for co-workers especially of the opposite sex to be sharing a hotel room.

She shouldnt be so defensive anyway, thats a sign of something.

[vashti]

It must really suck that she cares so little for your feelings. I think that she is being outrageously ridiculous.

[misombra]

i would never share a hotel room with a man unless i was sleeping with him. as in not sleeping. i don't even want to share a bathroom with one.

[myohmy]

Thank you all for your support! I found some really good advices here - from dumping her (something I was already concerning several times) to seeking some professional advice.

Gigabitch:
I really try to make it clear to her, that the way things are going she's going to have to choose between me and him. It doesn't seem to bother her, though. I think seeing a relationship councilor may just be THE thing to do.

squirrley:
I've said her many times that it's him I don't trust, but she always counters with - you know me, you shouldn't care about other guys because I wouldn't do anything wrong. When I ask her how would she feel if I stayed in the same room with a best friend of mine with whom I've had sexual relationships in the past, she says - "it's OK, because I trust you". But you know - it's easier to say "I would do this and this" in a situation that would never occur (I wouldn't do it in the first place AND I don't have such friend).

Once again, thank you all !

[squirrley]

Ive been in similar situations and its about RESPECT for you. NOT just trust. I wouldnt trust the situation period.

If she cant give you that than theres other issues in the relationship. This isnt a slumber party.

I wish you luck!

[CAM]

Your girlfriend is a pimp and you're her bitch.

Put her in her place and break up with her.

Fras has it totally right!!! I agree wholeheartedly.