Please Help Me, I Need Desperate Help!!!

[g0m4k]

My girlfriend has lived in NJ all of her life, then in late june, she had to move to north carolina, 500 miles away. We were still going quite strong and over the past few weeks, she has grown quite stressful with starting a new school for her senior year of high school. Then, 2 days ago, i had my heart ripped out and crushed when she said we need to take a break, she said that she doesnt deserve me, i need somebody who deserves me more, and she doesnt want to hurt me. She says she still wants to be good friends because i was her first love and she was mine. I cannot accept this though, idk if i could ever just be friends with her because no matter what ill always have strong fealings for her and i know that nobody else could love her as much as i do and it makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. She said we need some time to get our priorities straight, with me just starting college and her trying to get into college. I dont know what to do. How do i convince her that she is good enough for me, and i dont want anything more than her??? She means the world to me and i cant just let her go. It is my 18th birthday next sunday and i was thinking about talking to her again to try to get her back again. What can i say to her though????
Also, she has one of my favorite sweatshirts, i got her a heart necklace when she moved, she got a nice bracelet for her 5th anni, and i made her a dvd movie with all our fun pictures and great times we shared together. Im trying to think of ways i can use that to my advantage in this situation. Also, our 6 month anni is coming up and i had already ordered a promise ring for her, it is going to be engraved and takes about 4 weeks till its shipped, so i got it early and i never foresaw this happening. It will still be shipped to her because it is already being made and the order cannot be cancelled. Please help me, i dont care about money, i dont care about a fancy job, all i care about is being happy, and for that, need my Jen...\
I Greatly apreciate any help
Sincerly,
Brian S.

[vashti]

You only dated for 6 months? I'm sorry you are hurting, but this is what young love is all about. If you can't cancel the ring, ask a jeweler if there is some way to remove the engravement, and save it for another girl. (It's hard to belive you can't cancel it with four weeks notice, though. Maybe you can ask the company you ordered it from for store credit.)

I think your ex-girlfriend is right about the importance of being free as a bird when you go off to college. You will be growing exponentially in the next few years, and she will, too. It is rather unlikely that people who start out dating in this age group will grow in the same direction during college years, and being tied down will limit your ability to fully experience college life.

Also, many people feel a need to have regular face-to-face contact with their "significant others" in order to keep the fire alive, if you know what I mean. 6 months isn't a long enough investment in time to make a high school girl want to give up thr romance and excitement of dating.

[bohemiandonut]

The "romance and excitement" of dating? Ouch, Vashti!

Brian, let's assume you did "get her back." What exactly would that accomplish? A "girlfriend" you never see but get to spend every waking hour fretting and moaning over? Long nights of "Ohmigod she didn't answer her phone she doesn't like me she must be out partying and enjoying the 'romance and excitement' of dating that I can't provide her with JUST LIKE VASHTI SAID!!"

I don't know man... maybe you want a break? Think of it this way: If you end on good terms, then when you are in town together you can take her out and probably get a nice lay for it - crude, maybe, but at least it's something. And the rest of the time you can be FOCUSING ON SCHOOL and all the horny coeds swarming about there.

Just a thought. (Or two.)

[g0m4k]

i know its hard and everything, but i still believe we can make it work. Visiting each other costs little money for my aunt is a flight attendant and i can fly anywhere in the world for 50$ and she can too. She broke up because she said i deserve better, i think its because i keep on doin like really nice things for her such as waking up at 5 am to wish her a happy first day of school becaus thats when she got up, she was complaining about her new school having small clocks which she couldnt read, so for our 5 month anni, i got her a watch, and stuff like that. How do i convince her that theres nothing more i deserve/want than her??? We talked every night, and if we didnt for watever reason, we would txt each other and say we couldnt talk that night, and no biggy, and we talk about our day and good times to come together.

[bohemiandonut]

You sound like a good guy, but you need think about what's best for you at this point. I know it's infuriating to have put so much effort into this girl and have her be the one that's wanting distance, but that's the reality. Here's the thing you must know about girls:

Girls cannot be convinced.

They need to feel they've come to their own decision about things. The more you persuade, the more they feel obligated to resist your arguments.

The best thing for you right now is to start living life on your own. It will be hard but DON'T BEG. It will just blow up in your face. Trust me. Let her make the effort for a while. Wouldn't that feel nice?

[miSSleepy]

And don't be so hung up on the reason she gave you for breaking up. 90% chance that it isn't true. Hardly anyone actually believes they don't deserve something. What she's probably trying to say is that it's nothing against you and that you per se aren't the reason for the break up. Circumstances are. And as someone mentioned, 6 months is not a long enough investment for such a commitment.

[g0m4k]

well, i refuse to beg, i think we lots a little bit of connection after my great grandmother had passed away. I was obviously really depressed and i think we drifted a little bit apart from each other when that happened. Over the past few days, im trying to be really nice and im trying to reconnect to her. THen i was thinking maybe trying to talk to her again next sunday (my birthday) and tell her why shes so important to me and why i love her so much and everything. I recently told her about a present coming to her within the next 2-4 weeks, and its personalized and cannot be cancelled. She offered to pay me back for it but i told her "dont even think about it!". And i told her i hope she will still wear my heart necklace i got her and her bracelet i got her, and she said of course i will. Im think im starting to reconnect to her, so would talking to her on my birthday be a bad thing? or would it be good to wait for her to get the ring before trying to talk to her about it again?
The ring says Brian and Jen
04/04/07 Always and Forever.
I know this all seems crazy, and how 6 months isnt a long time for a commitment and all, but we really had such a good connection, ive already gone down to visit her in july, we had something so special and so unique. We were just inseperable and we just somewhere lost a bit of that, again i think due to my depression, we got kinda more distant. When we broke it up, she said she just needed some time to get her school work and stuff together, and she said i need to think about myself, because im always looking to help others and things and never really bothering to do things for me.
I need to give it another shot, i know it may seem pointless to you guys, but, thats all i want for me, is her, and nobody else. And ive heard time and time again that oh, you say that now, and youll meet somebody else, maybe that will happen one day, i just want to give it another shot, and see what we can do. I just dont know how to start that kind of a conversation.

[Tiay]

so, the reason she broke up with you (according to her) is because she doesn't deserve you, presumably because of all the romantic stuff you do for her. And in order to win her back, you're going to do what?- yes, more romantic stuff!


see, if this situation was the exact same, only that she didn't want to split up with you, I'd say, screw the college experience, do the long distance thing if you're both so crazed. Even if it ends up being a mistake, it's one worth learning yourself.

I'd love to know what her perspective is.. as far as I see, it's probably one of these:

1: so I met this nice guy, and we spent a lot of time together, but he started getting really obsessive, talking about being together FOREVER and buying me stuff all the time. It was really sweet and all, but I realised after a few months that I didn't really feel the same way about him and it would've been unfair to drag him along, so when I left for college I broke up with him, but now he's still sending me stuff and calling me, I feel sorry for him.

2: so I met this nice guy and I really fell for him, we were inseparable. But I'm going to college far away and I just can't maintain a long distance relationship during school, so I broke up with him. Who knows maybe we'll meet again somewhere down the road.

So, you just need to ask her, straight up, give me an honest answer, is there ANY chance of me 'winning you back'? And if she says no, you had better believe her. That's some closure right there.

[vashti]

Don't send her the ring. It is an inappropriate gift.

[g0m4k]

well, the ring order is already placed, i cant cancel it for it is already being made, i clicked a checkbox agreeing to the terms and was one of them. No refunds, no cancelations. So when i ask her just straight up, should i do this soon, or wait till next weekend for my birthday. Im trying to think of what im going to say, and i was thinking of mentioning, i cant do this, i cant sit here and just be your friend, because no matter what, im always going to want more than that. Would that be a bad way to start a conversation with, or even mention, i was also going to mention that she will never find anybody who will love her and apreciate her as much as i do??? Or would it be worth dooing the thing where i dont talk to her at all, and let her start to miss me?

[vashti]

You sound desperate. Desperation is not attractive. Preserve your dignity and accept that it is over. Don't give her the ring. It is inappropriate. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. You don't need to pretend to be her friend, in fact - you shouldn't. Just cut all contact so you can give yourself time to get over it.

[Tiay]

dude, it may have said no cancellations, but i'm sure that they get situations like that all the time. It just means you can't get your money back- but you sure as hell can change the shipping address! I mean what if somebody ordered one in advance, and then found out they had to move?

Don't be silly, you're just pretending that you can't change it, because you love the idea of her getting this last reminder of how much you care, and her heart melting at the sight of it and running back to your side.

But the longer you keep this hope burning the longer you are going to TORTURE yourself! This is why you need to ask her straight up.

don't wait for your birthday. What are you thinking, that you can guilt her into saying 'yes' because it's your birthday. You'd be FORCING her to reject you on your birthday. Don't do that to her, and don't do it to yourself.

Yeah, she said she wanted to still be good friends, right? So instead of just dropping off the radar, she deserves to know why you can't be just friends. It'd be the worst slow torture for you to just be her friend. It's all or nothing.
You're obsessing. In which order to say what? when to say it? etc. It's like you think that if you just say the right things, she'll come back.
But it actually doesn't matter all that much.

[g0m4k]

well, i think im gonna call her up either today or tomorrow then, whats the worst that can happen right? And even if i were to change the shipping address of the ring, that wouldnt help me none, its engraved With Brian And Jen, and some other stuff and its for a girl, so unless i find another girl named jen, that i met on 04/04/07, it wouldnt help

[vashti]

I already told you: take it to a jeweler and have the engraving removed. It isn't that hard.

[misombra]

how can you even afford to pay for a ring like that?