A story about my recent situation. (pretty damn long)

[blue toxin]

I haven't posted here in a while. I've been preoccupied with getting my resume together, getting prepped for an internship, working long hours at my current job, etc. Nonetheless, I still had time to develop another relationship. Some of you may remember, I was in a relationship for 5 years. I'm currently 21. About a year ago her and I parted ways after she had a woopsie at college and took a turn of personality. Instead of being the sweet warm hearted gal I always loved, she turned into somebody that simply forgot about me and all of her close friends. But whatever... we all moved on and got over it. Her loss, really. She lost so many friendships, and she lost me most of all, someone who would of done anything to ensure she was happy. But ya know, you live and learn!

So about 6 months pass and my buddy calls me up. Him and I were friends since 6th grade. He's like yo dude, I got this girl I want you to meet. I said I'm not interested. He said no really, she's a cool gal, I think you and her would get along. Dude, I'm not interested. All right, all right, fine. He continued to bug me for another week or two, finally I met her. The 4 of us (me, my buddy, his gf, and this girl he wanted me to meet) went out to dinner. Turns out this girl is best friends with his girlfriend, hence how he met her.

So about a month passes and we start dating. I loved this girl, she was great. Really fun to be around, and hard working. Very dedicated. She thought highly of me, because I'm very family oriented yet I'm also socially oriented where I love to have fun with my friends, all while working 35 hrs a week while being a full time college student maintaining a 3.5 GPA. Hard work, but I have fun in the process! So we got along great. Randomly along the road, my buddy dumps his gf. Odd. Didn't expect it. Two days later, my gf dumps me. Odd... shit? Could it be?

Then the bombshell dropped. My buddy since 6th grade whom introduced me to this girl was... yep... dating my "ex" girlfriend. He dumped his girlfriend to date her best friend, who was my ex. Damn. I never wanted to beat the ever loving shit out of somebody so badly before. Then the real kicker came into effect. I talked to him about it online. He wouldn't answer any of my phone calls, and he lives 45 minutes away, so I had very little choice in contacting him. I asked him what was up and expressed how I was pissed off at how he could do that. He laughed. I was confused at first. He laughed. He said that's life, deal with it, let it happen. Her and I are together and love each other and that's how things are going to be. (at this point they had only been dating for about 4 days, which made me laugh at the love comment).

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it now as I look back, but I had gotten a shower that night. I decided to get dressed afterwards and go up to his place. Ya know, just give him a nice solid swing to the face so he can feel a slight degree of the gut wrenching I was feeling. In the process of me getting dressed, my cell rings. It's another buddy of mine (not the buddy dating my ex). He could tell I was pissed. After some persuasion, he convinced me to wait 10 minutes until he could come over so we can talk about it. After he got here, he convinced me to relax and have a beer. After a few of those, I was more relaxed and in no condition to drive, so I stayed home and cooled off.

In the morning I was feeling a little down on myself, because if I had done anything that could of been the end of my college term, which I'm close to graduating, so that would of been a real crapper. Anyway, a few weeks have passed. I decided I'm going to keep my eyes open, but concentrate on myself for once. Ya know, get my shit together, keep pushing forward with work and school, stay focused on my goals, etc. Well, he IMs me one day, confused over why I'm mad and wondering if we can chill again. I told him he needs to go choke. I said anybody who can talk to a friend like that and laugh at them and tell them to deal with it when they are sincerely upset at your actions is pathetic. He went on to blame it on my ex, saying she convinced him to date her and blah blah. I flat out said I don't care. I said I have a lot of shit to worry about now. You guys are all bickering over this middle school he said she said oh no he said this! But she said that! OMG! You can argue about that shit all you want. I'm getting prepped to get out in the work force of the real world, and I can't be bothered by this childish bullshit. I said don't ever contact me again, I have no interest in talking to any of you. Granted it's only been about 3 days, but I've heard nothing.

Funny thing is, she ended up realizing she was making a mistake and ended the relationship. She talked to me again, apologized, etc etc, I said yeah okay, take care, buhbye, and that was it.

I've got a great group of friends who have been like brothers and sisters to me from the very first day I met them. I don't need to be friends with somebody like the guy I just spoke about, who has the audacity to laugh at me when I confront him about the ridiculous situation of him dating my ex just two days after her and I split.

Needless to say, I'm finalizing my resume, and next week I'll be printing out several copies of it and going to a couple police stations, hospitals, courthouses, etc nearby to talk to the human resources department to inquire about a potential internship (that'll hopefully lead up to a permanent position).

That's my life in a nutshell. One disaster after another. At this point, if the right girl comes along, I won't shun her away... but at the same time, I'm focusing on myself for once. Ever since I started dating my first girlfriend years ago I've been entirely devoted to the one girl in my life. At this point, it's about me. This is my time, and I'm going to make it count.

Now that I've typed all of this, I feel better. Why? I don't know. This calls for a beer. Cheers!!

[Gigabitch]

BT, I find your continuing strong sense of integrity uplifting. You know you have always been one of my favorite posters, so you can believe me when I say that I hope with all my heart that you find someone to be happy with.

I'm sorry you got burned.

[anachronistic]

this world is full of bastards, bluetoxin. you are one in a handful that realizes that. congrats on college, congrats on your new friends, keep your life in the positive and let the women have their 'whoopsies'. you're right, no good man would let a woman ruin a friendship. it will come around and burn them in the ass twice as bad. you've seen it with your own eyes.

[Dave4586]

don't drop your beer don't worry about there other girls around

[blue toxin]

don't drop your beer don't worry about there other girls around

Hah, yeah I know. It's really disturbing. Her and I have been split for a month or two now and I'm completely focused on school and work, nothing else, just keeping to myself, and I still hear her saying shit. It gets old. It's so damn juvenile it's unbelievable, especially considering she's the one that split with me. Had I been a dick to her and cheated on her and she's still pissed off at me, that's one thing. But when you break up with me, and I keep to myself and move on, and you're still saying shit? Get out of here...

[blue toxin]

Oh, hi. That knife that's in my back, would you mind twisting it in its location about 9 rotations, please?

Ahh yes, as if things couldn't of gotten any worse. I was informed today by factual information that she said some pretty nasty things. Since these things were said on the computer, I was able to see the exact email they were written in.

To keep things short, she pretty much called me a dumbass and said that I was a one night stand to her, due to the fact we had physical relations one time in the 4 months we dated. She said "think what you want, f**ker!" There were so many other things that were said, however to keep it short, sweet, and to the point, I'm going to leave it at that.

I'm shocked at how two faced she is. Some women truly do deserve to be shat upon.

[Mathias]

tl;dr

[blue toxin]

tl;dr

gt;fo

[blue toxin]

I got a question for you folks. I've been a bit of a snoop lately. Every once in a while I'll look up her aim profile to see if she's got an away message up or look up her myspace profile.

Well, I've noticed something. I like to put lyrics about how I'm feeling in my aim profile + myspace profile. Well, when I looked up her info, every day for the last week it seems like her info is changing to the same song lyrics I have. Like if I have one song lyrics in my profile, chances are she'll change her profile to contain the same lyrics.

Now last week she imed me, and I gave her a bit of the guilt trip. She'd im me, being nice, just asking about how I've been. I'd never respond to her, but the last time she did I felt compelled to. I just said one simple comment about how it's disturbing how things went from downright great to middle-school-badmouthing to this innocent bullshit of "hey, how ya doing?"

Well, despite me saying that, I've still been watching her profiles and she's still switching her lyrics around like I am. It's something so small to outsiders, but to me it's something huge. Ya know?

Now, granted, she's said some mean things about me. Real mean... in fact I can't put into words how pissed off I was at her. But I do give her credit where she deserves it. She's been trying to be mature and keep in contact, however, it's been through the use of the computer. So it's not like it's a HUGE step where she left a note on my car at school or came to my house to talk, but nonetheless it's SOMETHING.

Question is this: Do I talk to her and just see how she's been? Maybe (MAYBE) in time we could get closer and restart? Or it may never leave the friends stage, who knows. OR - do I completely subtract that from my life. Lately, my life has seemed relatively stress free. Lonely, but stress free. So..... what would you folks do?

[MOCAMBO]

Wow awsome write up there cheers! I am really intrigued and even though I don't know you, I am really happy that you have such good friends now, as for myself at a young age am still looking for friends like that. I too was betrayed by a close, actually being a best friend. We haven't talked for about a month now. Anyways, Congrats! And good luck with your internship!

[blue toxin]

As far as the friends thing goes, yeah, you'd be surprised. Everyday I wake up I seriously think about all of them. I don't have many, but those friends I do have are like brothers and sisters to me.

What's funny is, one of my closest friends is the brother of a previous ex of mine that I dated for 5 years. Her and I don't talk at all, however her brother and I still chill all the damn time. In fact, I realized exactly how great of a friend he was when he told me I should dump his sister cause he didn't think she was treating me like she should. I never did, she ended up dumping me, but nonetheless it's things like that that make you wake up.

[blue toxin]

Update:

She contacted me tonight and asked how I felt. If I never wanted to talk to her again, she said she'd never try to contact me again and leave it at that. She said she just needed to know. I was mean at first, as she deserved. We talked for about 2 hours. Mostly about where things went wrong, where the turning point was, etc.

She said she had no idea why I was interested in her. I was the one in college who's about to graduate with a degree, while she was having trouble just finding a part time job. She had a ton of bills and she applied everywhere for a job and couldn't get anything. She said she felt depressed and miserable, seeing as though I made the move to get in school while she didn't. On a brighter note, since we split she's gotten a damn good job and it comes with paid schooling for her, so she'll end up getting a degree anyway.

Nonetheless, she split with me because she felt like I could do better. Understandable, I guess, after she explained to me why she felt that way. Then she told me why she dated my best friend. She said he kept bugging her and after a while she decided, why not? I got nothing else to do besides sit in my room and look for jobs in the newspaper that I've already applied for. So she went out with him a few times. The relationship lasted days before she called it quits. She cut all ties with him.

She apologized time after time. She admitted she was wrong. She stood up and let me take a few stabs at her with some mean blows, and each time she said I know, I know, I really am ashamed of what I did, etc.

So her standing up and admitting she's wrong was a mature step in my book. I'm not saying I want to go marry this girl, but nonetheless, maybe this is a positive step to the future to where we may be able to try starting over. You know, if things go smoothly, maybe in a couple weeks/months we can go out to dinner again and see what happens.

I don't know. My head is spinning with a cloud of confusion. We just got done talking and I'm going to bed now, but I wanted to get these ideas in my head down before I went to sleep. What do you folks think? Should I maintain contact, however be strictly friends? Should I keep my eyes and options open? Should I avoid her?

What would you do?

[muspi_2000]

Its totally up to you i believe. From your first initial post, i was under the impression that you were totally over her, ready to move on..suggesting that she wasnt worth all the fuss after how she treated you. And then when she even remotely could be showing some interest, you go back running to her so to speak....do you still like her? would you take her back and knowing what she did to you, would you want to try and start things over again?

[blue toxin]

I always did care about her. It was just easier for me to hide my feelings and tell myself "No, stupid, you don't care for her" when she was busy saying stuff that wasn't true. But when somebody does something wrong and comes back to you, stands up in front of a crowd and says, you know what? I DID do that. And I apologize. I'm sorry. Hit me with your best shot, I deserve it... and is completely sincere about that, I have a lot of respect for that.

I'm all about second chances. I know humans make mistakes. I'm just not completely sure if it's worthwhile that I even consider pursuing this again. If I do, we'll definitely be taking it a lot slower this time around. I know things got rushed last time and she got scared I was in for something else, but things are straightened out now as far as that goes.

I guess I'm just afraid of burning myself. I'm a weak guy. I try my best to treat women like a princess, so when one does something really bad to me, when she has the audacity to apologize and admit her wrong actions, it sits highly with me and I can't help but to think "oh there there, it's okay."