Smart and Pretty Latina

[CAM]

Let's see. I know this very traditional Catholic latina who works in another office unit at my place of work. I met her when she was 23 years old and I was 32 at the time. She would always show up at the company dinner party and insist that I join her co-workers at their table--always sitting next to her. She would have someone take a photo of the two of us and then she'd send it as an email attachment.

I took her to lunch several years ago and thought--"well, she's given me all the signs in the past." But, at lunch she was all uptight and told me that she was very traditional and would only marry a latino Catholic guy from her home country.

I kinda let it go. I mean, I was always very nice after that--but, I figured she'd built a wall emotionally and I respect that.

Recently, she and I ran into her and she gave me her new email address. She's 30 now and I'm 39.

So, I wrote and said that we should go to lunch again. She wrote back almost immediately and said that this week was busy, but she was going to take me up on my offer.

I have a professional title at work and she made a big deal about using it and then asking if it was okay to call me Cameron. Like I said, she's in a totally different unit at the company and I have no power over her in any way.

I guess I discovered that she was maybe a bit insecure about my position? I don't know how to read that. Anyway, I tread lightly and am not pushy.

Honestly, she's a pretty neat gal. I like that she's a latina (I'm ethnic but not a latino) and that she's very traditional. And, pretty smart, very funny, and classy.

So, advice from the peanut gallery? Thanks

[misombra]

what is her home country?

i don't understand why she would let you take her out if she knew she wanted to marry her own kind.

but anyway yeah, i don't know.

[CAM]

what is her home country?

i don't understand why she would let you take her out if she knew she wanted to marry her own kind.

but anyway yeah, i don't know.

Nicaragua

I am/was mystified, too. It was a real blow when I was with her at lunch that time years ago...it was totally unexpected to get the "I'm marrying my own kind" line.

[misombra]

well just show her that you can be machismo and pray to santa maria and maybe she'll go for you lol.

[vashti]

If she's truly insecure about your title, then downplay it if it comes up, and don't mention it if it doesn't.

I don't know why you'd pursue a girl who isn't ultimately interested in dating you, though.

[CAM]

If she's truly insecure about your title, then downplay it if it comes up, and don't mention it if it doesn't.

I don't know why you'd pursue a girl who isn't ultimately interested in dating you, though.

And, I didn't for seven years after the lunch thing; but, I wonder if now that she's 30, she has changed her mind. I figure that there is no real cost in going to lunch or coffee and just seeing if there is anything there. If not, no loss.

Besides, there is absolutely nothing else to pursue in this town...nada, zippo, squat, Z-E-R-O.

[misombra]

when i saw the title of this thread i thought, "hey that's me!"

but it wasn't. i guess i can't be the only smart and pretty latina in the world.

i'm going fishing with my dad this weekend. see ya'll later!

[Only-virgins]

I thought this thread was about Misombra.

[CAM]

when i saw the title of this thread i thought, "hey that's me!"

but it wasn't. i guess i can't be the only smart and pretty latina in the world.

i'm going fishing with my dad this weekend. see ya'll later!

But, how could it be about you when you already have a serious relationship? I respect that.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess I discovered that she was maybe a bit insecure about my position? I don't know how to read that. Anyway, I tread lightly and am not pushy.

Honestly, she's a pretty neat gal. I like that she's a latina (I'm ethnic but not a latino) and that she's very traditional. And, pretty smart, very funny, and classy.

So, advice from the peanut gallery? Thanks

Tell her what you told us about her & follow up w/her about going out for that lunch. You like her, hopefully she likes you... the rest is just a big black box at this point anyway.

As far as the insecurity stuff goes, you can do a lot to make her feel more comfortable but ultimately it will be up to her to relax about it. She needs to be brought to the realization that there are *always* differences like this in a relationship. Even with dual-pro couples, there is always one who makes more $$, gets more perks, has better hours, etc. Drive yourself crazy (or to divorce) if you get competitive like that. Seen it happen & its not pretty.

Anyway, like I said. Get her to go out w/you first. Worry about the rest as it happens. Good luck, Cam.

[CAM]

Tell her what you told us about her & follow up w/her about going out for that lunch. You like her, hopefully she likes you... the rest is just a big black box at this point anyway.

As far as the insecurity stuff goes, you can do a lot to make her feel more comfortable but ultimately it will be up to her to relax about it. She needs to be brought to the realization that there are *always* differences like this in a relationship. Even with dual-pro couples, there is always one who makes more $$, gets more perks, has better hours, etc. Drive yourself crazy (or to divorce) if you get competitive like that. Seen it happen & its not pretty.

Anyway, like I said. Get her to go out w/you first. Worry about the rest as it happens. Good luck, Cam.

Good points and thanks for the encouragement! I'll try to keep my enthusiasm level up and hopefully something good comes of it.

Yeah, the income differential...do women think about that stuff? See, the money issue never enters my mind. Would it bother a woman if a guy made more than they do? I am kind of beyond "competitive"; that was a 20-something issue, but it disappeared a long time ago.

[misombra]

I thought this thread was about Misombra.

i love you.

[IndiReloaded]

Yeah, the income differential...do women think about that stuff? See, the money issue never enters my mind. Would it bother a woman if a guy made more than they do?

Frankly, yes, for some its an issue. If you are planning on dating someone who is a 'career woman' I think it can be *more* of an issue for ppl our age than when younger. Imagine someone who has been self-sufficient for years now finding themselves considering the possibility of 'giving that up' so they can stay home & raise a family. Unless you are planning to. Its a weird mindset, for sure, but even something like moving to a part-time position when you are used to being the boss & making the Big Bucks can be difficult. 50K might seem a reasonable amt of $ but not when you are used to making multiple six-figures.

I know a woman who, b/c she didn't want to 'give up her career' actually took a faculty position in a *different country*, splitting up her family, which included her pre-teen child, in the process. This arrangement, with her husband here & she & their child there (the situation was reversed the previous year) has been like this for over a year.

I personally can't imagine making this kind of decision, but there it is. Not sure how this helps you, except maybe a warning of the complications of dating certain extreme 'career-first' females. Maybe find someone who got all their 'proving' done early (hard to find that type who is still young enough to bear children) or doesn't have it to prove. Or has a more flexible profession like a teacher, or nurse. I'd avoid medical specialists, academics, or exec business types. FWIW.

[CAM]

Or has a more flexible profession like a teacher, or nurse. I'd avoid medical specialists, academics, or exec business types. FWIW.

She is a staffer with a BA degree. She is not a professional grade.

I'm professional grade and prez of my own company.

[CAM]

i love you.

I thought you loved me? A woman catches two salmon and now she's playing fast and loose....my goodness

PS Congrats on the fishing expedition!