HELP! is something wrong with me...???

[littleme23]

Sorry for the NOVEL... I included lots of details so I can get accurate advice, if you don’t care for the details and just want to know the main point skip to the end where the BOLD is I need input though someone please HELP!!!!



Ok lets see... I'm 23 years old and have been in a serious relationship with my Boyfriend for 5 wonderful years still going strong. (I hope)

Anyways he's 24, we met at work, which we both quit 6months later, I fell head over heels for him. I was his first, he was my second, and sex since the beginning was an adventure he was nervous at first so nervous he couldn't get the condom on or hold an erection, I comforted him, and made it known it wasn't a big deal, I've read up on this before and addressing that kind of stuff might only make it worse and more embarrassing for him, so I tried to make it alright tried helping, and eventually that was over come. We continued to have great sex! (which to me doesn’t' necessarily mealong lasting or hot and sweaty, just satisfying, which he has always done. I used to hate giving ORAL, and I never asked him to go down on me, for that very reason one day he wanted too so bad I let him and occasionally I would give him oral, but not too often.

In the beginning I had a great deal of issues with him and good looking women, or porn, nudity, whatever it was that wasn't me that he appeared to like was a GREAT CHALLENGE TO ME so much that I forced him to stop it. Of course forcing him only caused him to LIE to me, which sucked cause I later found out anyways which caused more problems for him and heart ache for me. Because back then PORN was like Cheating to me, I felt not good enough, i felt ugly, I felt unloved, I felt like that was better then me since he had me here IN REAL LIFE but he still insisted on viewing porn behind my back. I'm not ugly but there is no way in hell i look like half those Porn Stars, or movie stars he's so in love with. This sort of stuff was detrimental to my emotions...I tried so hard to overcome this cause I would only suffer more every time I caught him in a lie.

Anyways I got a great job, and My BF continued to be unemployed and living off his wonderful parents and great credit (he's about 40K in revolving debt today) and suddenly i began to push issues such as marriage, him getting a real job, saving so we can move forward, me asking him if he REALLY LOVED ME and wanted to really MARRY me???!!! His answer was always yes, I even left him once or twice cause I wanted to see how he would react maybe he wanted out but didn’t want to break my heart. needless to say he came back every time promising to change and get a job, and assuring me that I was the only girl he could ever see himself with. He's not a cheater; I know cheaters I have to brothers, and I have at least 14 cousins which not one is faithful they have no regard for marriage vows, or children involved its sad and I’m not proud to admit it but I do know these men and my boyfriend is nothing like any of these men. SO cheating has never been an issue with him.

Anyways about 2 1/2 years ago his erection died, I was shattered this hadn't happened since I took his virginity I naturally felt Sad and cried, i thought we were past the whole "NEW" stage and was certain it was me... I cried he held me tight and said it wasn't me swore he loved me and that I was perfect, we did research and he claimed it was stress, bills, no job, debt, etc...(mind you thru out this whole time I encourage him to get a job, he says "ITS A freakin WASTE OF TIME" I tell him he has to start somewhere. ) it didn’t happen again till sometime this past year, again he blamed it on his debt, bills, and lack of income, and again rather then nag I tell him to do something about it, get a job instead of living off credit, his parents and now even me. My advice was nothing in his eyes, he feels we'll never live the "AMERICAN DREAM of being rich or living comfortably if he gets a normal 9-5job JUMP OVER BRIDGE" I tell him that’s BULLONY! cause I work my ass off, we all have to start somewhere, he disagrees he's into get rich quick schemes, real estate flipping, finding good real estate auction deals, and STOCKS all stupid ideas in this day if you ask me but whatever i backed him on a lot of this dumb crap i even pitched in money to stocks as a result i lost out on like $5500.00 not a lot but to me more then i would have liked!

This year I gave him an ultimatum I said look i love you and I’ve stood by your side, for a long time but I need support I need you to have my back I need to be able to depend on you too, and as for us getting married well its been 5 <mod edit> years and you still haven't saved a penny for our future, we're no where near where WE Want us to be, I’ve managed to pay off debt and save little money while you have managed to increase your debt, still are unemployed, and ‘still marriage is not in our plans due to lack of funds, if you really loved me you'd care that I’m working my a$$ off 8-5 while raising my daughter (on my own) and the little that i have saved i spend on you, my daughter, your ideas, and bills!!! He still fails to see my point. He eventually got a job in mid June of this year (2007), and since then things have been a little better. On top of that I made a new years resolution to attempt porn with him ( which I now enjoy, and have no problem with ) I Love this man so much that I've changed my whole outlook to better our relationship, I've stopped being such a drama queen, and stopped <mod edit> so much, i rarely nag him, i give him space,





I’ve done everything, but for the last month I’ve been living with him due to my job relocating me 15 min. from his work and things have been great we get along, we laugh, we play, we joke, we cook together, we shop together, shoot I even try to give him space and I go out with out him to the gym, store, market, whatever, I let him coop himself up in his office studying or viewing stocks and I don't bother him at all, i let him choose the movies on Friday night which btw "WAR" with Jet li was quite good. But this past month I've been rejected at least 14 times. =( that’s more then I like to admit. I don’t' start Drama over it cause things are going so well everywhere else, and because he tells me he's just tired, but C"MON how tired can you be, I prance around in cute thongs, or in my bathing suit, and nothing works i sleep practically naked, nothing helps. he's tired. is all he can say, I WORK Monday-Friday 9-5pm I get home eat and leave to my night job which I work at Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and sometimes Friday, weekends i have completely free. and he only works Monday thru Friday 8-5pm he works in computers "IT" I'm lost, i don’t' get it... am I missing something, what is up, have i become old news??? Seriously I've tried talking to him about this seriously he just says "I'm tired" somebody please help.

[Gigabitch]

Well, how often does he actually come through for you? IMO, 14 rejections in one month is terrible, but that depends on how many times you asked.

I don't think a healthy guy of 24 should have such a feeble sex drive, and it would be a big red flag to me. Keep in mind, you aren't anywhere near your sexual prime yet, and if he's lagging now, imagine where he'll be in ten years.

Reading your post, I just kept thinking that this guy might be more trouble than he's worth. I know it's easy for me to say that because I don't know him, don't love him, etc. but from an objective point of view, he seems like a dead end.

Can I just ask why anyone in her right mind would want to marry a guy who has dug himself 40 grand into the hole before he's even 25? What the hell are you thinking? Why don't you just tie an anchor to your neck and jump off the pier?

I'm being harsh because I want to shock you a bit. Frankly, you've shocked me a bit. It's been a while since I've encountered someone so willing to just climb up on the cross in the name of love.

You don't have to do this, you know. Five years seems like a long time, but maybe it's just long enough to learn a really good lesson. He sounds irresponsible and cold. You sound extremely giving and patient. I think you can do better.

[littleme23]

GB... If I can get sex every day I'll take it. so 14 rejections is probably daily! (pathetic I know) I love my man; and being intamate with him is the best for me, I feel wonderful our connection is phenomenal. And I'm not sure what my deal is... maybe I'm scared to be alone, or without him, I've invested so much love, time, money, and overall effort that I guess I just want it to pay off. I'd hate to think these past 5 yrs have been a waste.

BTW thanks for your advice it makes me consider the fact of moving on as an option. Most helpful.

all facts asside, do you think he's tired of me?

[vashti]

One thing I know for sure: a man who spends his time looking for get rich quick schemes while minimizing the efforts of productive, working people isn't EVER going to be a good catch. Leave him now - he will drag you into bankruptcy.

[Junket]

I'd hate to think these past 5 yrs have been a waste.

I think that could be one of the number one reasons why people don't wanna break up with their partners.

A who would wanna face such a harsh reality?

[lovesacrifices]

Sorry for the NOVEL... I included lots of details so I can get accurate advice, if you don’t care for the details and just want to know the main point skip to the end where the BOLD is I need input though someone please HELP!!!!



Ok lets see... I'm 23 years old and have been in a serious relationship with my Boyfriend for 5 wonderful years still going strong. (I hope)

Anyways he's 24, we met at work, which we both quit 6months later, I fell head over heels for him. I was his first, he was my second, and sex since the beginning was an adventure he was nervous at first so nervous he couldn't get the condom on or hold an erection, I comforted him, and made it known it wasn't a big deal, I've read up on this before and addressing that kind of stuff might only make it worse and more embarrassing for him, so I tried to make it alright tried helping, and eventually that was over come. We continued to have great sex! (which to me doesn’t' necessarily mealong lasting or hot and sweaty, just satisfying, which he has always done. I used to hate giving ORAL, and I never asked him to go down on me, for that very reason one day he wanted too so bad I let him and occasionally I would give him oral, but not too often.

In the beginning I had a great deal of issues with him and good looking women, or porn, nudity, whatever it was that wasn't me that he appeared to like was a GREAT CHALLENGE TO ME so much that I forced him to stop it. Of course forcing him only caused him to LIE to me, which sucked cause I later found out anyways which caused more problems for him and heart ache for me. Because back then PORN was like Cheating to me, I felt not good enough, i felt ugly, I felt unloved, I felt like that was better then me since he had me here IN REAL LIFE but he still insisted on viewing porn behind my back. I'm not ugly but there is no way in hell i look like half those Porn Stars, or movie stars he's so in love with. This sort of stuff was detrimental to my emotions...I tried so hard to overcome this cause I would only suffer more every time I caught him in a lie.

Anyways I got a great job, and My BF continued to be unemployed and living off his wonderful parents and great credit (he's about 40K in revolving debt today) and suddenly i began to push issues such as marriage, him getting a real job, saving so we can move forward, me asking him if he REALLY LOVED ME and wanted to really MARRY me???!!! His answer was always yes, I even left him once or twice cause I wanted to see how he would react maybe he wanted out but didn’t want to break my heart. needless to say he came back every time promising to change and get a job, and assuring me that I was the only girl he could ever see himself with. He's not a cheater; I know cheaters I have to brothers, and I have at least 14 cousins which not one is faithful they have no regard for marriage vows, or children involved its sad and I’m not proud to admit it but I do know these men and my boyfriend is nothing like any of these men. SO cheating has never been an issue with him.

Anyways about 2 1/2 years ago his erection died, I was shattered this hadn't happened since I took his virginity I naturally felt Sad and cried, i thought we were past the whole "NEW" stage and was certain it was me... I cried he held me tight and said it wasn't me swore he loved me and that I was perfect, we did research and he claimed it was stress, bills, no job, debt, etc...(mind you thru out this whole time I encourage him to get a job, he says "ITS A freakin WASTE OF TIME" I tell him he has to start somewhere. ) it didn’t happen again till sometime this past year, again he blamed it on his debt, bills, and lack of income, and again rather then nag I tell him to do something about it, get a job instead of living off credit, his parents and now even me. My advice was nothing in his eyes, he feels we'll never live the "AMERICAN DREAM of being rich or living comfortably if he gets a normal 9-5job JUMP OVER BRIDGE" I tell him that’s BULLONY! cause I work my ass off, we all have to start somewhere, he disagrees he's into get rich quick schemes, real estate flipping, finding good real estate auction deals, and STOCKS all stupid ideas in this day if you ask me but whatever i backed him on a lot of this dumb crap i even pitched in money to stocks as a result i lost out on like $5500.00 not a lot but to me more then i would have liked!

This year I gave him an ultimatum I said look i love you and I’ve stood by your side, for a long time but I need support I need you to have my back I need to be able to depend on you too, and as for us getting married well its been 5 <mod edit> years and you still haven't saved a penny for our future, we're no where near where WE Want us to be, I’ve managed to pay off debt and save little money while you have managed to increase your debt, still are unemployed, and ‘still marriage is not in our plans due to lack of funds, if you really loved me you'd care that I’m working my a$$ off 8-5 while raising my daughter (on my own) and the little that i have saved i spend on you, my daughter, your ideas, and bills!!! He still fails to see my point. He eventually got a job in mid June of this year (2007), and since then things have been a little better. On top of that I made a new years resolution to attempt porn with him ( which I now enjoy, and have no problem with ) I Love this man so much that I've changed my whole outlook to better our relationship, I've stopped being such a drama queen, and stopped <mod edit> so much, i rarely nag him, i give him space,





I’ve done everything, but for the last month I’ve been living with him due to my job relocating me 15 min. from his work and things have been great we get along, we laugh, we play, we joke, we cook together, we shop together, shoot I even try to give him space and I go out with out him to the gym, store, market, whatever, I let him coop himself up in his office studying or viewing stocks and I don't bother him at all, i let him choose the movies on Friday night which btw "WAR" with Jet li was quite good. But this past month I've been rejected at least 14 times. =( that’s more then I like to admit. I don’t' start Drama over it cause things are going so well everywhere else, and because he tells me he's just tired, but C"MON how tired can you be, I prance around in cute thongs, or in my bathing suit, and nothing works i sleep practically naked, nothing helps. he's tired. is all he can say, I WORK Monday-Friday 9-5pm I get home eat and leave to my night job which I work at Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and sometimes Friday, weekends i have completely free. and he only works Monday thru Friday 8-5pm he works in computers "IT" I'm lost, i don’t' get it... am I missing something, what is up, have i become old news??? Seriously I've tried talking to him about this seriously he just says "I'm tired" somebody please help.

no dear..there's nothing wrong with u..
u pushed him to work for the wellness of both of u..
if he doesnt wnt to make love with u..maybe just because he's just getting familiar with his work..or maybe he's beginning to love his work and understands that life is not just about sex or something..but it is also about thinking about ur (both of u, i mean) future ...
u opened his eyes to reality that he needs to work for ur future family..and u did it sweety..and that was nice..
there's always time for evrything..
try to cook for ur bf/husband when he gets home..
the best way to get the attention of a man is when his stomach is full..ahhmm..not that full, though..
cheer up...

[lovesacrifices]

no dear..there's nothing wrong with u..
u pushed him to work for the wellness of both of u..
if he doesnt wnt to make love with u..maybe just because he's just getting familiar with his work..or maybe he's beginning to love his work and understands that life is not just about sex or something..but it is also about thinking about ur (both of u, i mean) future ...
u opened his eyes to reality that he needs to work for ur future family..and u did it sweety..and that was nice..
there's always time for evrything..
try to cook for ur bf/husband when he gets home..
the best way to get the attention of a man is when his stomach is full..ahhmm..not that full, though..
cheer up...