She lost all trust in me, can I earn it back?

[lunar]

well it wasnt a week, was thurs-sun, so long weekend. but I was up all night trying to write this letter and I feel that it covers everything I needed to say (all 8 pages) but Im leaving to go out of town for 11 days tomorrow and Im really frustrated about what to to. Im about to call her but Im pretty sure she's just going to ignore my call

[Gigabitch]

So how are you going to get the letter to her?

[lunar]

I can mail it to her work but I wanted to avoid that. so I asked a mutual friend that I had something to send her and asked for her home address. but I dont know if she'll give it to me. Should I call her? I deserve at least a minute to just hand her the letter, Im willing to drive 4 hours roundtrip right now but I dont think she'll want anything to do with it

[Gigabitch]

If it were me, I'd just show up. If you call her, she'll just tell you to piss off again.

I'd say call her from your car when you are parked outside her house.

[lunar]

last week when I took her out for the dinner date I kind of did that. she said she would call me when she got off work but she blew me off the first time pretty much by not calling me until 7:45 so I knew by the time she would get off it would be too late to make the trip so I left early and she was pissed at me for that because shes in bed by 10 and I didnt get ther until 8:45. I feel like theres nothing I can do here really. I dont have her address, but I know the general area of where shes living now, but I dont think I can find the house again

[lunar]

Im stressing out a bit right now, Im not sure what to do

[lunar]

Im going to go to her work tomorrow and wait for her and give it to her myself. If she's not going to give me 2 mins, Ill take 2 mins and Im going to let her know that I deserve more than this "you don't even exist" treatment she's giving me. So I put something else in the letter? Or maybe bring a rose with me? I want to think of something clever to give her with the letter

EDIT: Im letting everything out in this letter and I havent been honest with her about how many partners Ive had either. I told her 4 (after her) but really she was my 2nd. she was surprised and said "I thought it wouldve been less" but Im 22 and shes 19, and she said that she had 4 too. so for being a guy and three years older I felt that was reasonable (but another lie! I dont know what I was thinking). I guess I was trying to be that cool, older more experienced guy but now I just think Im an ass. I know I should tell her, and I know she'll be pissed for me lying about something stupid again but at this point screw it right? just tell her? I just want to tell her everything I can to explain how special she is to me

[anachronistic]

even if you do get the chance, there will always be this messed up feeling.

it will always be weird between you.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, bugger. I hope he didn't tell her about the sexual partners thing. I guess I could see wanting to make a clean sweep of it, but the last thing she needs to see right now is more evidence of lying.

Frankly, I don't think it's any of her business anyway, but I'm older and I just don't care about that stuff.

Hope it went well, lunar. Please check back in when you get back from your trip.

[lunar]

ey Giga, thanks for all the advice and support through this. I didn't tell her about the partners thing, I thought about it but it wasnt the time for that and frankly it didnt really matter. I got a text from her yesterday saying basically "Ive been thinking about what was said the other day and I dont think anything needs to be said from now on. Ive moved on Im sorry I want to be friends but I cant trust you" honestly I felt it coming. so I texted her back a few times asking for 2 mins on the phone with her and after numerous attempts and calls she finally called back, stone cold. She has this resentful tone and bitter tone towards me the enitre conversation. Anything I said was immediately thrown back in my face and questioned 10 times over from her. I was giving her my brutal honesty, and she kept saying "How can I believe any of this?" Because I have nothing to lose! Nothing more to hide from you! Why would I keep lying to you about anything else? Frustrating to say the least. I touched on a few of the thing I wrote in the letter I sent and told her I mailed it to her work today which she was furious about (as with the flowers) she said that she wants to keep personal life an her job seperate, but I explained that she wouldnt let give me 2 mins, after driving 2 hours for her to do it in person which was the initial plan, so I had no choice because she "already had plans" and couldn't give me 2 mins because of that. What a crock. She then persisted as to why I felt like I needed to write the letter in the first place! She gave me absolutely no chance to do anything right here. I told her that I needed to tell her everything about me and what Ive been thinking and that she had the right to know. I asked her if she was seeing anyone, which she hesitated and replied "no, not right now" BINGO. It shouldve been complete instinct to say "Of course not! how could you question that!" because thats what wouldve been my initial reaction if she were to ask me but I finally did get that after asking her about seeing people back in SC. My thoughts are this, she's the new intern with a pro football team. shes the only girl in the office and an amazingly beautiful girl (3 time beauty padgent winner) and a wonderful southern belle personality. Just absolutely the most perfect girl. these guys have to be drooling all over her, but theyre all mid 20's something hot shots that shes probably all flustered by them giving her all this attention. But she even said to me right when she got the job that she thought they hired her just because of her looks, and only that reason. She can be nieve alot of the time about things, but I just hate to see people take advantage of her and it just kills me to think that we could lose everything for her just to be that "cute SC intern" for some schmuck for play around with for a few months before she goes back to school. But I do think she has started talking with someone through our whole situation and wants something new. But thats just my thoughts. She then ask why I questioned her honesty, I replied "because youre not giving me the chance that I deserve for everything good that Ive done for you so far or room to do anything right here and there must be so alterior motives for just dropping me out of your life".

She then said that the flowers were an "easy way out" for me to do and that Im all of a sudden writing her letters and sending her flowers because she's so much closer, that it's "convienent" for me. She asked why I never sent flowers to her work in SC where she wouldve "really appreciated" them. She doesnt want the boys at work to know she has something else going on with someone? How else could she say this?! I explained that I was simply trying to do something nice and sincere for her and that I was truly sorry for what I did to her, but that didnt cut it. I continued by telling her, if I wanted convienence I would never made the 6 hour drive up to SC 4-5 times from Feb. to June to see her or to come up and visit her family, or to go to Clemson with her and I would have just blown her off after the night when we first met. Am I going crazy here or is she just not giving me a chance with anything I do? Either way after hearing the girl that I talked to on the phone to briefly yest., she's not the same girl that I loved before so it was alot easier than I thought to start moving on from this. Im going to text her tomorrow after she gets my letter how Ive moved on too and how she took the easy way out by holding everything against me and not allowing anything I do to be the right thing. To hide her guilt for taking advantage of what a great person I really am and how much I care about this so that she can get what she wants/needs from this. She said she wants to be friends but at the same time she can't trust me? or give me 2 mins in person with her? even talk to her on the phone? how the hell would that honestly work? I dont want the sympathy, just honesty and being reasonalble about this, but she's young, only 19 and I guess she can't handle this like an adult quite yet. I know this is long but thanks everyone for hearing me out you guys helped me out alot over this whole thing but Im a better person now because of it. and as hard as it is, or will be, if she can't give me any oppertunity to do anything right here and accept the fact thay I am the same person she's known, might go to a different school than I said (which Ill be in next semester though) then I deserve better. She said that its the fact that I had to look her in the eye and consciencely lie to her everytime I spoke about school and thats what broke the trust, which I can understand honestly, but I think this coulve been overcome if she cared about me the way I thought she did and thats what hurts the most. In the end Ive realized that this meant much more to me and it did to her. Not every guy would go to the lengths I did for her and make the sacrifices that I made doing the long-distance thing, and she made most of the same sacrifices herself which is what doesnt seem to make sense, to go from everything that was to what it is now because of the one lie I made about something that didnt have a significant impact with what we had. But thats just life I suppose. Thanks for everything guys now it's off to Cali, Oregon and Washington for 11 days, a well needed and life inspiring trip I hope. Cheers and peace

[Only-virgins]

Longest post on LF award goes to this guy. If we had such awards that is.

[Gigabitch]

Totally readable, though. I've read War and Peace. I can get through a long post.