She lost all trust in me, can I earn it back?

[lunar]

This is my first post but Ive read the boards for a couple days or so and looks like there some genuine people on here so here's my story.

I met this girl about 8 months back, Im 22 and she's 19. she came down for a football game last year. Im a CC transfer student in FLA but she lives and goes to school in SC. We had a party at our place and my roommate invited her because he used to date her cousin and knew she went to school in SC and would prob. come down. Im pretty shy around girls, especially beautiful girls like her, but there was this incredible ease and confort I had from the moment I met her that I immediately envisioned myself with her for a long time and wouldve been so happy. Well we hit it off great and we ended up fooling around that night, but didn't have sex. I couldnt stop thinking about her after she left, so I got her AIM and talked to her online a bit. A couple months later I get her phone # and we have a couple great convos. So in Feb. she invited me to a concert in SC and I went, it was on valentines day.. it was great to say the least. I was crazy about this girl.

So we made the commitment to go see each other when we had a free weekend, so I went up prob 3-4 times between Feb. & June and she made the trip about the same down to Fla. I had told her lightly that I loved everything about her and she told me that she could "see herself with me" for good. However, I had been telling her that I was at the University when I was still finishing up at the CC which was stupid but figured it was just easier to tell her that than explain everything. BIG MISTAKE! Because while she was applying for internships here in FL she found out that I had been lying about my school (and I even BS'ed a couple classes I was taking, no big deal right?) but she didnt say a word about it. We still talked when we were away almost everyday and then she got the internship for the fall here in FLA. So Im thinking that things were gonna work out even better now I just have to explain that I wasnt taking classes in the fall because I didnt get into the program I was planning on. Talk about all-time major backfires. I went to take her out to dinner and come clean, and she just shut down. She wasnt the same amazing and warm girl I met 8 months earlier. She explained to me how much it embarassed her to her family and friends because she told them that I was somebody other than I really was.

If youve made it this far, thanks, I'll sum it up right here.
I get the picture it's prob. over, but it's just tough to grasp knowing I fu*ked something up that was so good over something that was so stupid. The next day I sent her flowers at work which I think made her even more upset for some reason and we haven't talked for about a week except for a text message here (I got the flowers, thanks. I had a good weekend) and there but they've been about as brief as you can get. Thoughts and suggestions? I really want her back but Im just taking a step back for now. I havent been in many relationships, but Ive never meant ANY girl like this before and certainly have never, ever felt this way about any other girl before. I just feel like Im losing something great that I might not ever have again and it's all because of a stupid lie. I realize what I did and I think I really do understand how much I hurt and embarassed her, but I dont think she can see past this. It just seems stupid to throw away what we worked so hard for because I lied about my school, but I guess trust is trust no matter what.

[Gigabitch]

She wasnt the same amazing and warm girl I met 8 months earlier.

Yes she was. She was just hurt. Don't make this about HER not being who you thought she was, Jeeze!

Oh, man, you really did **** up, didn't you? And by now she's probably told her entire family and all of her friends about what a liar you are and how she can never trust you again, etc. That really sucks. I feel for her and I feel for you.

I think the best thing you can do right now is write her a letter. Not an email, but an actual, pen-to-paper letter. Try to get really brutally honest with yourself about WHY you did that in the first place and then explain it to her. Be concise and sincere. Most of all, be convincing.

Remember, she had her whole life turned toward you and moving in your direction before this mistake. There is still momentum behind it. She has feelings for you, count on it. The time to act is NOW, before she gives up on you entirely. I honestly believe you can still salvage this relationship.

[lunar]

Thank you for the advice, I will def write to her and see what happens.

[Gigabitch]

So, why did you do it?

[bcarroll03]

you did f*** up, but your not a liar. She is just afraid that this isn't the only thing you weren't honest about. I hope you have a good reason for telling her what you did but lying is not ok in my book, forgivable, but definatley a violation of trust. She needs to trust you again, the letter will be a good start. I had a letter salvage a relationship once. I drove to her work while she was working. I put a teddy bear wrapped around a dozen roses on her passsenger seat with a note in its arms. needless to say it saved my ass but you havew to put your heart into the letter. good lucka nd I hope your as lucky as I was.

[lunar]

thats what Ive been thinking about since I last saw her and I don't know exactly. I guess its just been habit that whenever someone asks me what am I studying I say "Im doing sports managment @ uf". my family does the same as well as all of my friends, it's strange but I guess I just got used to it but that doesnt explain the reason for not telling her. Maybe I wanted to impress her and I was embarassed that, like all of my roomates and friends I was at the CC and not at the university yet. I dont know exactly, Im still trying to figure that out

[Gigabitch]

Well, be as earnest about it as possible. Make sure she understands that it was about impressing her and that it caused you moral anguish to lie to her. You can be quite emphatic about that. She needs to believe that this isn't something you regularly do, so give her that.

[lunar]

theres one snag about mailing her at the moment, she hasnt given me her new jacksonville address yet, I know her work address but not at home. I can get it from one of her good friends and explain to her why I want it, but I dont want to be that creepy guy asking for her address to save our relationship that sounds a little desperate

[Gigabitch]

Okay, text her immediately and tell her you need to see her. You've already left it a week- that's enough time that she might be starting to give up on you.

You need to make a grand gesture. Meet her somewhere, hand her the letter and ask her to call you after she reads it. Look a bit haggard, like you've lost sleep. (I can't believe I'm giving you advice about how to manipulate her- I'm going to hell for sure...)

[lunar]

theres no way I can see her tonight, I have to work until 10 I already called in to be late to write this letter. The earliest I can see her would be tomorrow night unless I went after work, but wouldnt get there until at least midnight

[Gigabitch]

Or you could go by her workplace first thing in the morning. That might be good. You could pull off the "I haven't slept all night because I'm tortured about losing you" thing.

[lunar]

I think showing up at work would freak her out. I mean Im 2 hours away from where shes at now, I can do it and Im willing to do save this but I dont know

[lunar]

UPDATED: tried texting her about seeing her tomorrow with no success. This is a quick transcript:

me: hey i really have to see you before I leave I have to work today but tomorrow Im off
her: Im sorry I cant see you
me:all I want is 5 mins of your time and Ill leave
her: I have plans and 5 mins is not worth the drive
me: it is worth it to me i just need a couple mins and i will be gone i can promise you
her: simple flowers and sorrys dont change what happened (referring to the flowers sent to work). i cant see you im sorry.
me: i understand and respect your space but im not being too unreasonable here its all I ask

never heard anything else.
thats it. Im still gonna send the letter out to her but good god, she doesnt want to give me the slighest oppertunity to salvage anything. Is she for real or is she trying to get back at me for what I did to her? Im going crazy here

[bcarroll03]

Wow, talk about brutaly honest. "simple flowers and sorrys dont change what happened"??!! You didn't cheat on her! She is being over dramatic or maybe its just an excuse to end it. She may have found someone else. Don't go accusing her of anything. Just wait a day or two and call he (don't text) She can't hear your sincerity through a text.

[Gigabitch]

That had better be one hell of a letter. She's already turning to stone. Lunar, why did you wait for a week? Why, why, why?