Should I send this letter?

[Voirdire]

My girlfriend and I are breaking up this Monday, once I help me move in at College. It was her decision to break up although I'll be attending the same college in a little less than a year's time. My question is, should I send the below letter in the mail to her, so she can read it once I'm gone and we're broken up, or should I go ahead and just give it to her now? Your thoughts are appreciated.


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Dear Molly,



Oh where to begin? First off, I would like to thank you for the past six months we’ve had together. You have opened my eyes, opened my mind, but most importantly, you have opened my heart. You have taught me many things about myself, about relationships, and about life that I did not previously know. You have been with me through every smile, every tear, and every little argument…and every life experience I could not, nor would not have chosen any other girl to experience this with. We have fallen in love together, much stronger than I have ever dreamt up. Just like in our song, ‘I fell in love, with you suddenly, now there’s no place else I could be but in your arms.’ Our relationship, to me, was so perfect. We couldn’t even have a real fight without laughing. Then something happened, the true impact of you moving away…but that was it. It was when I found out, I had no place in your future…no place in your plans. And yet, I still don’t understand your reasoning for it. It’s quite hard for me to understand it. We’re perfect for each other; I don’t grasp how you would want to experience other people if what we already have is perfect. But I know is that for a long time, if we never get back together, is that all I will feel is regret, because you are truly the one for me. Although I do understand that A&M will be a totally different place, but wanting to break up a ‘try on new jeans’ or experience new people just hits me hard. I respect your decisions and do understand them, but it makes me realize you really weren’t ready for a serious relationship. Although ours was serious, you have other goals and ambitions…which I totally respect. Sometimes I have wished we never had a relationship, and that you told me of your intentions in the beginning, but then I think of all the happy times we’ve had and then I realize that I have had the happiest days of my life.


Friendship is what you want between us now. I ask how can someone break off a six month relationship, break my heart, but still want to be friends? As I think about it, I feel like I should hate you in some small part. But to love, and love is what I do, love is what I have for you. Yes, I still love you, and I’m still IN love with you. When I see or think about it, I see the girl I love, not one of ‘the dudes’. Every time I see you, I see someone I want to hold, and touch, and kiss, and express all my feelings physically, not just a friend to play games with, or chill at the mall together. I know we would be close friends, but there would always be that love I have for you..and that love is something more than friendship. You have said that you love me, but aren’t in love with me. I honestly don’t know if that can even happen. What we have, the closeness between us has to be because both of us are IN love with each other. Then you’ve said just because you aren’t IN love with me, doesn’t mean you can’t be falling. You don't fall in and out of love. It isn't like falling in and out of daydreams. I still believe with all my heart that we are truly in love with each other. But you must not know how it feels, Molly, every time I think of you, it hurts me even more. Wanting sometime you can’t have, especially when I know I’ll be at A&M in just a year’s time…and when you’ll be in front of my eyes, it’s a cruel torture. I’ll be at A&M so soon, I don’t understand why we couldn’t have stayed in a relationship, even long distance for just a short period of time. It hurts me greatly that you have said that you don’t know if you would be capable or not of finding someone else even if we were still in a relationship. I know that my love for you will allow me to wait for you. Even if it meant waiting ten years for you, I would.

I’m still yours, Molly, and that is not going to change. My heart still belongs to you. Now I just have to sit and wait until I make it to A&M..and hopefully you can become mine again, and me becomes yours.

You have done everything you wanted. Your last, and maybe most important lesson taught to me, is that girls are heartless, cruel, evil minded individuals. Yes, I’m being over-dramatic, but it seems women always manage to break the hearts. I don’t know how you can do it..I wouldn’t be strong enough, knowing I broke someone’s heart, someone who loves me with all her heart and would do anything for me at anytime, anywhere. My only hope, my only wish, is that you would find it in yourself to wait for me.





Love always,

James


p.s

Read this over and please let it sink in. Think about everything. Take time. If you wish to talk to me, you know how to get a hold of me. Leave me a voicemail, text message, whatever. I had to tell you how I felt…I didn’t want to miss anything. I wanted to express my love for you, so this letter is important to me, and so is your response. This letter isn’t revenge to try and make you feel bad, but only how I feel about things and that I’m hopeful that one day we can be together again.

[Jimmy1218]

Like it, you better give it to her after moving just to make it more dramatic. Make it handwritten. And the last paragraph? ****. You just need to do a little more editting and you're ready to go.

[Voirdire]

I have many comments on the letter, but I have to get some work done first. I'll even send you a letter with my revisions, 'cause I like doing that kinda stuff, if, of course, you'd like me to do so.

But primarily...I know it seems like an earth-moving event, but it apparently it was only a 6 month relationship? Many people might call that a fling. It may be what she considered it.

If you do want a chance at her later, my first & foremost suggestion is that you shouldn't come off sounding quite so heartbroken...to me, I felt the letter gave undertones of desperation, and that might not be a feeling you want to convey. Consider making it slightly more upbeat & forward-looking, while toning down the soul-mate/heart break content. Many people would consider 6 months a little too soon to determine true love & perfect matches; stressing these convictions can do more harm than good at this point, in my opinion.

Agreed. Thanks alot. I'd be curious what revisions you would make, but I don't know if I would use them..they wouldn't be my own. But still might give me an idea.

And yeah, it'll definitely be hand written. I didn't want to scratch out anything and make the letter look like crap so I decided to type it first.

[Karamailla]

Well I can offer you some 'Molly-perspective' since im in her shoes more or less.

Ofcourse I cannot be certain why she has take the steps she has, the reason I believe are as follows:

Even though she cares a lot about you, she may not be ready to settle down and spend the rest of her life with you. As you mention it a lot, it all seemed perfect *to you*, but not to her, obviously.

I think that with time you will get out of the 'love-cloud' and realise that saying stuff like "I would wait 10 years for you" is kindof silly. Romantic, certainly, realistically? No. Even if it was meant figuratively.

As long as two people are happy, its excellent to believe in 'love until we die'. But when someone really feels he/she doesn't belong in a certain relationship, it is not unreasonable to step out of it.

The fact that your are so devoted, and sound a little desperate might actually be part of whats making her end your relationship with her. But these ideas are to be learned through experience.

I wish you the best, and recommend you to try to 'get over it' and let her go, even though this may seem so hard and you still have hope. It isn't about going away to some place, its about that she doesn't want to settle with you but wants to see other guys because she wants to, and it can be healthy for your personal development. I wouldn't fixate on 'girls' being like this, because in this case, im the guy who's probably going to break up with a girl. It's just something that happens between people.

"I don’t know how you can do it..I wouldn’t be strong enough, knowing I broke someone’s heart, someone who loves me with all her heart and would do anything for me at anytime, anywhere. My only hope, my only wish, is that you would find it in yourself to wait for me."

Would you want her to spend her life with you, just because she couldnt break your heart, is that something you would like? And if you were in her shoes, would you ignore your feelings and/wishes, just because you don't want to break someone elses heart?

[Gigabitch]

Try to make your letter something she'll want to read over and over again, emphasizing the good times and downplaying the accusatory tone you start to get into. You want her to miss you, right? Well, she won't miss someone who is all destroyed because of her.

You'll be there next year. This isn't goodbye- it's see you later. Put some optimism into it.

[ExpoNovak]

Keep in mind that every friend she has is going to get a good look at this letter and is going to insert their commentary. In my humble opinion, breakup letters are a rotten idea because if there is still emotion left in someone for you, all that is going to do is make them feel guilt over leaving you which, for whatever reason, is what she feels she needs to do right now. It may not be forever, but make her feel like utter crap with a breakup letter and it almost certainly will be.

Doesn't anybody just bow out gracefully anymore?