Ex-Girlfriend Woes. Help?

[DoodleMan]

Okay, so I'm 23, and my social life has been a series of three 6 month - 2 year LTR's, sprinkled with a handful of flings and one night stands since I was 16. I've currently got a new girlfriend who is amazing(found the perfect girl when I was finally ready to be by myself and play the field, but thats a story for another thread).

However, here is my problem. Every ex I have from my previous LTR's although they either have a new boyfriend, have had several boyfriends since we broke up, whatever, still call me at least on a weekly basis and tell me they're still hopelessly in love with me. I see them out at bars (I live in a relatively small city, the kind where theres one bar where everyone goes each night of the week), and one of them (the oldest one, we were together in high school) is pretty much my best female friend.

I always respond politely, I don't have the heart or the balls to be ignorant and tell them to screw off, or maybe, subconsciously I enjoy the attention. Or maybe I still care about them.

On top of that, my most recent ex is kind've crazy, and I might have possibly drunkenly reciprocated her sentiments the last time I saw her out at a bar, and I'm terrified she's going to somehow use it against me to break me and my current girlfriend up.

What the hell am I doing? What should I do?

[vashti]

Why are you still talking to your ex girlfriends at all?

[DoodleMan]

Well I'm not calling them or anything... My phone rings I answer it; I see them out they approach me. Is that my fault?

[vashti]

Yes. I don't have a problem getting people I am not interested in to leave me alone because I know how to draw boundaries. Your lack of boundaries is being interpretted as encouragement.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with Vash. You can be friendly, but that doesn't mean you have to be friends. You've left the door open in those relationships.

Do you have any intention of sleeping with any of those women ever again? (Be really honest- it's the internet, no reason to lie.)

[crystalheart]

Don't go out with them; Tell them you are busy, cannot talk with them when they call; Let your gf know that your ex-gfsss are still bugging you, but you have no interests to talk or hang out with them at all (well, no so sure about this point, girls are all different). Just avoid any contacts with your ex if they still have a thing for you, that's it.

[DoodleMan]

Do you have any intention of sleeping with any of those women ever again? (Be really honest- it's the internet, no reason to lie.)

Well, my sex life with the most recent ex, the crazy one, was probably the best I've ever experienced. I still think about it sometimes, yeah. Would I ever think of doing it while I'm in my current relationship? Certainly not.

[vashti]

Would I ever think of doing it while I'm in my current relationship? Certainly not.

Then tell these girls you met someone you really care for, and want them to quit contacting you.

[Gigabitch]

Of course not NOW, goof! I mean, is there any good reason for you not to just close the door on those relationships?

I used to think that I could be friends with my ex-boyfriends. Now I've come to the conclusion that I just told myself that because I still wanted to have sex with them. One in particular, actually.

Be honest with yourself about this, if you find this to be true, and make a decision about whether you want to be serious about what you have or leave your options open.