___ No Time With Her = What To Do? So SAD!

[Carter]

Hello, my name is Carter and I am in love with a woman named Katie. We have been together for one year this month and I am head over heels. I am here to beg for help, I emplore those of you who really can guide me in the right direction to read through this entire post. I know it will be long but I feel if I omit any part of our situation that it would do a disservice to myself, her and your advice tips.

Through this past year we have had many up times and lately it seems the hard times are unbearable. I own my own business which affords me a substantial amount of free time while she works for someone in the food industry that takes up the majority of her time. We met last summer and began to spend time with one another, not much at first so not to rush things and gradually increased the “nights” we would spend together. Last summer her job finished at about 7pm and she would be up to see me (we live 25 minutes from one another) at about 8-8:30pm. We would be by ourselves and could talk for hours upon hours and not see the time had passed. We would be up till 5am some nights and we had a blast. We couldn’t take advantage of the days because of our schedules so time together was left to the evenings, which was ok being it was a new relationship and we did not want to rush things up.

Then Winter came and since her job is seasonal she sought after another job and got one which left her done with work at around 6pm and 3 consecutive days off. I sadly did not take full advantage of those days out of fear that I would fall too deep and also because I suffer from panic disorder and my trust for her with them was not very high at that time, so I was scarred. Her Winter job ended in May when she began the summer work again. She promised we would see each other and we made plans after plans in the Winter to do all sorts of things together, be it bike ride, play tennis or just veg out and watch a movie. As time went on through the spring and into June I found I wasn’t seeing her nearly enough. It wasn’t like last summer where she would be up to see me at 8ish but now more like 9:30-10ish. We see each other 4 nights out of the week now from about 10pm till 2am and never have a full day off unless I beg and plead on my hands and knees.

Her job requires her to be there pretty much 7 days a week and 12 hour days. We are unable to talk on the phone, apart from a 10 minute conversation at around 3pm. This is very hard on me, not so much on her it seems. I find nothing more amazing than spending a day with her, an evening with her - something, but I don’t. I have found out recently that she plans on buying a business identical to the one she is in now for next season and I emplored her not to do it (for one it is a BAD business deal in my opinion - financially) because we would never see each other and next summer would be like this summer where i see her for a few hours 4 nights a week. Now I have come to find this Winter in her off time she would take up waitressing which would entail weekend days and ngihts so now I REALLY will never see her.

One part of this whole thing is really sad to me is she spends 12 hour days with her boss every day including weekends and then on Sunday nights she goes to his house to hang with him, her coworkers and her boss’ wife. Why wouldn’t she want to take those couple hours doing that with me? She sees them all day every day and not me. That would be one little more time we have together - she disagrees and says she only goes there for a little bit than goes home and that it is no big deal.

I have many insecurities and trust issues within myself that project onto her. I have enrolled myself in therapy inorder to salvage myself and what ever is left of this “long distant” relationship. I do need help, for I have spied on her a couple times, accused her of being unfaithful and called her a million times over and over. I am no angel and I know I need professional help, something she has agreed to help me with. She has proved her love to me by going against the wishes of everyone she loves to give me many chances to rehabilitate myself. I do not doubt whether or not she loves me or cares for me but I find myself so confused.

I cry everyday. On weekends I find myself lost with nothing to do because I long to have a day off with her which I never get. Regarding her business, or potential business, venture for next year I see myself crying more and more because I am not going to receive the time I, and most people, need for a healthy relationship to prosper. I am terrified that if she does this business that there will be zero time allocated to us and I wont be able to stand by her side. What kind of relationship is it when you have to beg and plead for a day off together? Why is I am the one asking for more time and she seems content with the lack of time? She says it is only seasonal, but it is not since in the Winters she will be working all the time too.

I just do not understand why she is compromising our time for this. In the end I will not be able to hang on and every day I contemplate leaving her but I know without her I would be in a living hell, ironically with her I feel I am in the same place. She says that she does want to spend the time with me but it is the nature of the business that she cant, bullshit! If one wants to spend time they will especially since it is causing such a distress on the relationship.

We arent able to do anything cus of the time restraint except see each other really late!!!

I have come to believe that the woman who taught me money isn’t everything has fallen victom to the all mighty dollar. I have told her if she does this business and I don’t see her that I can no longer be with her anymore and she turned to me and said she wasn’t sure what she was going to do yet, whether do the business or find something else to do. In my eyes that means she is not sure we are what she wants or if the job is. I wouldn’t find one thing in the universe that would outweigh how much I want to be with her.

So I ask what do I do?

[LostNotFound]

dude your posts too long.

i think you need to stop crying. it's not good for you mentally or physically.

[Jimmy1218]

phhtt...thats your own problem. change your schedule or something...you really need to use more common sense and ask questions you are really stuck on. And for the getting over thingy, do what works best for you.

[Gigabitch]

She doesn't want to hang out with you in her precious few hours of off-time because you are an emotionally draining pain in the ass. I can guarantee you that she doesn't have the energy to work on your relationship right now, and your trust issues and distress are like nails on a chalkboard.

You need to get a life. What you're doing now is the most unattractive thing you could do. Women like dynamic, interesting men with confidence and charm. You are none of these things.

I suggest you let her go until you've been in therapy for a couple of years. You're not available for a girlfriend right now; you're too involved with your own precious problems, to which she comes in second place, every time. When you're ready to put her first, maybe she'll take you back.