His parents don't like me

[Claire84]

My boyfriend had a go at me last week as his parents said I don't help out when I have gone away with them (a lie) and that I should talk to people (am shy). He upset me even more saying 'no wonder you have no friends' I thought that was a bit harsh this is coming from the guy with 1 friend! The last few times I have seen his mom she has given me dirty looks. My parents say it could be the fact I have only recently (after 2 years) told him my parents have a holiday home so it could be sour grapes. He tends to moan about me not telling him about this - from past experience people have been jealous plus it wasn't my business to tell.

His comments have hurt me and I'm scared his parents are trying to brainwash him, apparantely they drove away the last girlfriend who was a nice girl. I do not want to stay at his anymore if they are going to be unwelcoming, where else can we go? Are they trying to get rid of me? He has an unhealthy appetite of spending the whole weekend with them and going away with them - odd at 23 seens as his sister stays at home and is younger. I only see him for 3 hours a week.

[Gigabitch]

I used to be married to a mama's boy. IMO, you don't have much of a chance of coming between them, and if she wants you out of the picture, she will eventually have her way.

I feel for you- the whole thing sounds deadly.

[CAM]

Hey, I spend a lot of time with my family, so I get a sense of what kind of guy he is. I wouldn't necessarily call him a "mama's boy" because, at least in ethnic families, it is very typical to be close to family. In fact, the "outsider" is not entirely trusted by anyone. That's why in traditional ethnic families, the kids often marry someone from the "friends of the family" circle--from a family that everyone has known for years.

So, you are the outsider.

I'll tell you this much, if you are a WASP, then you are quite typically drawn to this whole idea of starting your own family entirely independent of your relatives. He's obviously not that type. So, if you want to be with a guy like that, realize you are marrying into a family.

There are advantages to that, by the way. His mother will probably help you out with the kids and the house. Families like that are often more giving of their time and resources if you need help as a young family.

Also, families like that realize that the way to get ahead as a family is to build off of the last generation's success and become even better.

Take me, for instance--I do most everything myself and have my own home. My family is my support network. I devote a lot more of my time to building off the last generation's success. Result is that I'm more successful at 38 than most of my co-workers who are in their 70s.

Ethnic close-knit families work. WASP (aka "let's start over again for each generation") never get anywhere...well, not entirely true. Historically, WASPs have been very good at pillaging other people's cultures and lands and running off with their natural resources. But, I digress....

[Illusional]

how old are you two??

raverboy

[CAM]

Oh...here's another "hard to take" possibility...

ah, I have had a tendency to date below my class status....and parents can be very perceptive about this because us boys...well, we have a tendency to take the easy path....so, maybe they know that (despite your family's summer home) you are not as worthwhile as you might think.

Again, a hard thing to take, especially in the US since we all delude ourselves into believing that we are all equally worthwhile people.

And, another possibility....ah, we are assuming a nice sweet innocent girl here....perhaps you are a controlling person and have the boyfriend wrapped neatly around your little finger and his parents find that a bit disgusting (maybe he's blind to reality...or easily girl-whipped?

Just a thought.

[DoesntMatter]

Your boyfriend sounds like a little bitch. You shouldn't need his parents approval, and this guy should realize he is his own person and his parents should mind their own business sometimes. Wow, if my parents ever tried to judge my girlfriend (if I get one) I would just about tell them to **** off. He should listen to their advice, but not these seemingly baseless criticisms.

[Claire84]

perhaps you are a controlling person and have the boyfriend wrapped neatly around your little finger and his parents find that a bit disgusting (maybe he's blind to reality...or easily girl-whipped?

Sorry, but your wrong there. I have never been a control freak, I let him have his freedom and do what he wants. Its his parents with the problem. I don't want to start my own family at this time anyway, I just want an enjoyable relationship without being threatened.

how old are you two??

We are both 23.

[CAM]

Well, good that you aren't controlling.

23 years old...perhaps, that is a bit young for a man to marry successfully. The advice to me was for a man to wait til he's 30 before marriage. Men don't get settled emotionally/financially/etc. until they are around 30. Until then, most of us need to get our minds focused.

You, at 23, may have a much better idea of what you want and what you think that he'll become.

[Mathias]

My boyfriend had a go at me last week as his parents said I don't help out when I have gone away with them (a lie) and that I should talk to people (am shy). He upset me even more saying 'no wonder you have no friends'

And you put up with this?

Jesus. What the **** is wrong with you?

[Illusional]

23.... dammit, you should come and be my gf. my parents tend to love everyone that i date...

raverboy

[Claire84]

I think the relationship is coming to an end, this week I will see him Wednesday night for 2 hours which will have been 7 days since I last saw him and then I will see him Friday evening 5pm onwards. He is going to his parents caravan again early Saturday morning, that will be the 3rd weekend I haven't seen him and I am starting to think now he wants rid of me.

[Illusional]

i still wonder why girls put up with so much shit and they realize what they are doing is hurting them. i guess love really is blind.

raverboy

[Mathias]

I think the relationship is coming to an end, this week I will see him Wednesday night for 2 hours which will have been 7 days since I last saw him and then I will see him Friday evening 5pm onwards. He is going to his parents caravan again early Saturday morning, that will be the 3rd weekend I haven't seen him and I am starting to think now he wants rid of me.

Please break up with him.

[misombra]

if you meet an orphan, marry that person.

[Jimmy1218]

Screw the parents. Run away with her and fool around all you like.