getting upset about silly things

[Tiay]

ok, so I need to vent about this:

me, my bf, and his housemate/best friend got lunch at a place nearby. We were walking back and I was carrying half my sandwich on a paper plate because I didn't eat it all. I hadn't asked them to wrap it up because the house was only around the corner.
Halfway back, my bf realised he forgot something at the deli, and headed back. His friend kindly offered to take my half-sandwich back to the house so I turned back towards the deli, meeting my bf like 5 second later, he had already got his stuff.

so we get to the house and i'm sitting in the living room when he says from the kitchen "heh tiay, you're not supposed to put it in the fridge like that!" or something like that. His friend said "oh I put it there."

"oh.."

at the time I just found it funny, but now i'm kind of upset/pissed.. I mean seriously, he said it so patronisingly. Considering the inhuman speed at which I would have had to run to the house, stick it in the fridge and run back to meet him on the street, it should've been reasonable to assume that I didn't have time to root through his kitchen (which i'm not familiar with) to find his seran wrap/ziplock bag/whatever, and that I had decided to do that later, knowing that the sandwich would only be uncovered for mere minutes.

is it just super-sensitive me, or would you guys be upset too? Maybe the history here is that having grown up homeschooled and on a farm, I am oblivious to some things that come naturally to others... throwing unwrapped sandwiches in the fridge, however, is not one of them.

there are actually another thing I wanted to vent about, but seeing as that one seems to have grown into an essay, I'll leave it at that.

ok I don't know where to post this, so Off Topic it is.

[DoesntMatter]

Maybe you two are starting to get pissy at one another now that you have been "together" for awhile again (I mean literally together, as in not living on opposite sides of the ocean). I get along very well with my older sister when she is at college and during 1 week breaks like Thanksgiving, but over summer we eventually start to get a little more irritible with eachother more often.

That's normal though. Maybe it is a pet peeve of his. Would I get mad if a friend of mine told me that? No, I would jokingly tell him to **** off and that I don't follow standard refridgerator etiquette, cause that's how I roll with my friends.

So yeah... That's very very normal, and unless it becomes a habit and he does it a lot it's not really important

[Junket]

Bah, dun worry Tiay, it's nothing.

Unless...

It's something...

Is it something??

[DoesntMatter]

Bah, dun worry Tiay, it's nothing.

Unless...

It's something...

Truer words have never been spoken

[Tiay]

I don't know DM, we really haven't been smothering each other at all, we've only been seeing each other a few times a week.

is it something? I don't know. Maybe i'm just PMS-ish right now. I do think there's underlying irritation on my part for the whole "yes you can live with me.." and then, shortly before the actual trip "wait! no, you have to pay a shit-load of money to get your own place, oh and I don't want to be exclusive even for the lousy 3 months we'll be in the same place" and then once I arrive "I'm sorry about that- you know i'd never see anyone else"

bleh. And to top it off, my instant and pathetic response to everything is "that's ok" and "I understand".

grrrr. I'm going to put some angry music on my ipod and go for an angry walk.

[Junket]

Aw. Be careful Tiay, don't let yourself get tossed around.

Being understanding is good and all, but a guy needs to know when he's pissing you off. People in general need to know these things.

Express it babe, get it out there.

In his face.

[anachronistic]

is it something? I don't know. Maybe i'm just PMS-ish right now. I do think there's underlying irritation on my part for the whole "yes you can live with me.." and then, shortly before the actual trip "wait! no, you have to pay a shit-load of money to get your own place, oh and I don't want to be exclusive even for the lousy 3 months we'll be in the same place" and then once I arrive "I'm sorry about that- you know i'd never see anyone else"

whoa now, wait a second. that sounds very strange. if my girlfriend came from another country to see me for three months i would DEFINITELY want her to live with me, no ands ifs or buts about that. that whole part doesn't make sense.

i think you have a right to be mad at that, especially by telling you at the last minute and all.

did you talk to him about it when you got to america?

[Tiay]

fras:

this is true. But i'm so much better at repressing than expressing...

expressing is messy, and I don't have halfway enough confidence in the importance of my opinions, plus when I get upset, I tend to not be able to talk. literally, physically. And you know what happens then? Instead of letting me cool down, people say a lot of things that I agree with about how it's important to communicate, and this just makes me feel worse, and then I pretty much forget about whatever I was going to express.

lilwing:

yeah, it's confusing. when that happened I pretty much thought "ok, so we've been together for 2.5 years.. we've had sex.. we talk every day.. why doesn't he want me to live with him for 3 months? well, this obviously means he isn't really into me."

but believe me that isn't true at all. Nor is he seeing anyone. In fact, no matter how often the exclusivity issue raises it's ugly head, he has been exclusive. People say commitment phobia is codeword for "he doesn't like you" but that isn't true.

yeah, we talked about it. Well, it was kinda coupled with the exclusivity issue, so we talked about that part more. At the time he said something that sounded like he felt guilty about it, and I said "that makes me think that you feel guilty.." and he admitted it.
Then later he totally tried no less than to WEASEL his way out of that by changing "guilt" to "feeling bad" and saying that those are not the same. All his arguments were about how he had been "completely honest and consistent" about what he wanted (and therefore has no reason to feel guilty). in retrospect, it seems like a whole 2 weeks of arguing was basically him convincing me (or himself?) of this, in the process of which he flatly accused me of lying.
Then he really apologised (and never replied to the other email, though).

I never told him how much self-worth is lost during those two weeks.

oh **** it, it's midnight, guess i'm not going for that angry walk.

[anachronistic]

damn tiay, i'm sorry, that really blows. something screwy is up with that. i don't see how one could feel bad/guilty about taking care of their lover in such a situation as yours. one would think that they'd feel more guilty/bad about OBJECTING to take care of their lover while they came to visit them, especially at the last minute.

[Tiay]

wait, what? that's what I said- that he felt guilty about changing his mind on the living together thing, and on not wanting to be exclusive.

oh god, i'm making myself all weepy by reading old emails. I totally suck.

I'll meet him on monday and pretend nothing happened. Yeah I really suck.

[anachronistic]

wait, what? that's what I said- that he felt guilty about changing his mind on the living together thing, and on not wanting to be exclusive.

oh god, i'm making myself all weepy by reading old emails. I totally suck.

I'll meet him on monday and pretend nothing happened. Yeah I really suck.

Tiay, you don't suck. I would feel the same way in your position. When you see him on Monday you should be really upfront with him and talk about this. Get it out of your system. This is something that NEEDS to be communicated to him if it's making you feel that way.

You have my email/msn/aim if you need someone to talk to

[Charlie Boy II]

The sandwich thing is nothing. Everything else is pretty major, espcially if he told you he didn't want to be exclusive while you were there. I mean jesus, that's incredible, whichever way he might try and spin it.

"Oh Tiay, while you're visiting me I don't want you to live with me anymore and I might want to **** other women, ok?"

[Tiay]

yeah, he took that back, though it was never about sleeping with other women as much as dating them. I'd have been out the door otherwise.

lilwing;
I stupidly blocked myself from saying anything further on it by saying that it's ok. I think both of us let things slide when we're together in real life. the time seems too precious.

[Illusional]

i wouldn't have cared... shit, it makes it that much easier for me to eat it probably within the hour anyways.

raverboy

[Junket]

The time is all for nothing if you're ignoring such important things. Because when and if you guys move close to each other, there'll be no ignoring these things. Me and Ames are very open and honest with each other, doesn't always mean we get along, but we put the shit out on the table and work at it. Things aren't always solved in one sitting, but it's still better than trying to pretend it's not there.