in love with friend of 10 years

[netguy1986]

I am in love with someone who is/was my best friend. As the title suggests, I have known her almost 10 years (I am 21). I am not sure what to consider her anymore. After a few years of knowing her, I developed feelings for her. I saw her everyday at school, so I was around her alot. About 6 years ago, I told her I had feelings for her, and things have started to go down hill ever since. She told me her feelings for me were only as a friend. I have always ahd trouble accepting this, as it really seemed otherwise. I would've never mentioned anything if I thought she didn't feel the same way.

Well, here I am years later, and I consider myself in love with her. This is problematic, since she doesn't have those types of feelings for me. We now don't see each other everyday, as we go to different colleges. However, my feelings seem to be even stronger now.

Here is what I am really needing help with. She has been studiyng abroad, and it's been almost a year since I've seen her. We talk online, but with her being gone, at least recently I don't think about her all the time. I am finally considering the fact that I should probably try to move on, as it's not likely she will ever love me. I am wondering if maybe when she gets back, if I should not see her. Maybe I should break off communication for a while. This may give me the chance I need to get over her.

I am wondering if this seems like a logical thing to do. It's really hard because this person has been my close friend and someone I love, and I would really hate to loose them. Theoretically it seems our friendship would be stronger if I can get over her. However, it seems like doing this could also destroy the friendship for good. Either way, I feel like maybe I should get some space while there has already been a barrier. If I continue to feel as I do, I will never be happy without her. I am thinking maybe this is my chance to maybe find some happiness.

Sorry this was long, I am just really confused right now. Should I not see her when she gets back? I think she would understand. We all deserve a chance at happiness, right? It's just if I continue to see her, I am reminded of why I feel the way I do, and I don't think I will ever move on.

[Bean]

She's made it clear she only wants you as a friend.

So there's two things you can do:
1) Get over her and be friends: Take some time away from her, do other things, maybe meet someone else if you can. Get over your feelings for her and you just might be able to stay friends.

2) Shut off all contact: If you love her so much, and it won't go away no matter what you do, you're setting yourself up to be constantly hurt because every time you see her is a constant reminder of what you want and what you can't have.
Find someone who can give you what you want. There are plenty out there!

[gardino]

You just have to remember "when harry met sally" is not for every one

[netguy1986]

So, it seems for sure that the first step I should take is trying to halt communication for a while, and try to move on?

[Bean]

I'd say so.
Either way, you need to get over her - whether you want to try and be friends later down the line, or to call it off completely.
Only time apart can do that.

[Gigabitch]

Tell her why you're doing it, too. Don't just start giving her the cold shoulder. Life is too short to pretend.

[netguy1986]

I would for sure let her know what is up. It's just hard to do, as I haven't seen her in almost a year. However, it's probably the best time to attempt it.

[all alone]

well if she is studying abroad it must be fairly simple to minimize contact without telling her straight up your ignoring her or trying to avoid all contact..

[netguy1986]

She will be back in 3 weeks...so I am thinking about the very near future.

[Jimmy1218]

Wow...10 years as friends and she still doesnt want to hook up with you. That seriously hurts. Been there done that. I think that if you really really want her, you can be friends w/ her. But since she's in another college and studying abroad, chances are that you guys wont be together very often. Find another girl! Dont greive over one person, get on with life! There's plenty of fish in the sea...unless your bait's dead.