Haveing a hard time keeping it together.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

So, I have a question for everyone, who here has either started a relationship with a guy who in the army or away at war, or is in a relationship with someone who is away at war?

The reason I'm asking is because I've started a relationship with this guy who is in the army and right now on tour in Iraq. I've known him for two years, but we are just now starting this "relationship", and its very hard. Maybe I shouldn't call it a relationship exactly because we haven't put that title on it, but thats the way it feels. Right now I am so emotional and I'm having a hard time keeping it together. I never thought that it would be this hard. We are both having a hard time opening up, and it is partially due to the fact that he is in Iraq and nothing is certain, but its so hard trying to hold in how I feel, and not pressuring him to tell me whats going on with us. Does anyone have any advice about how to deal with this, and how to keep it together?

[vashti]

I don't think it is wise to start up a new relationship with someone going away to war. It's one thing for this to happen during the course of an existing relationship; it's quite another to go asking for it.

[Illusional]

hrmm... i feel that you started this relationship because you both think, if you never try that you'll never know right? i'd say go your separate ways because it is still the beginning of this all. you two don't have the foundation and support to keep this strong. however, pick it up later when he returns because if it were meant to be, then it should happen when both are you can give it you all.

raverboy

[meh]

When's he coming back?

[Illusional]

hrmm.. i would guess that the norm is roughly 2 years, but i'm sure that he will be gone no less that one year.

raverboy

[Mrs. Bubbles]

hes coming home for leave at the end of august. But he wont be back from this tour till next year sometime

[Gigabitch]

In some ways, it's easier to get involved with someone far away, though. I know you're still getting over the last guy, and maybe that could have something to do with your opening up problem.

I think you should just revise your definition of what a relationship is. Draw lines now, because I don't think it's a good idea to commit yourself to someone you never see. Put some kind of "when you get back, we'll get together" thing in place.

IMO, you should spend some time single anyway. Even if you have the best boyfriend in the world, there are great things to be said for being single. Enjoy it.

[Mrs. Bubbles]

In some ways, it's easier to get involved with someone far away, though. I know you're still getting over the last guy, and maybe that could have something to do with your opening up problem.

I think you should just revise your definition of what a relationship is. Draw lines now, because I don't think it's a good idea to commit yourself to someone you never see. Put some kind of "when you get back, we'll get together" thing in place.

IMO, you should spend some time single anyway. Even if you have the best boyfriend in the world, there are great things to be said for being single. Enjoy it.

We have not made it official, because we are waiting for when he comes home for leave at the end of August to figure everything out. And I think you are partly right about me not being over my ex, but its not like I want him back its more that I am trying to bring my self esteem back up from being with him for over a year and a half. Im afraid to show too much emotion one because Im afraid Im gonna scare him off and two because Im not sure I should be feeling the way that I am. Its a work in progress, but thanks for the advice