Imagine you hooked up with an old flame from years ago at a weekend event (no sex though). A lot of sparks flew and you even talked about starting a life again. He mentioned he was seeing someone but said it might be over soon. You communicate via email for 4 months because you live across the country and schedules do not allow for visiting.
One day he sends you an email saying things have progressed with the woman he was already seeing and he's made a commitment to her. 3 months later he sends you an apology email because he hadn't apologized in the initial email. He calls you before you can even respond a few days later to confirm you received it and talk about what happened. (According to my b/f she said she was over it and moving on with her life -- so imagine you also feel that way)
A month after the apology email you get the following email from the woman he is seeing (the timeline is true to life):
__________________________________________________ ____________
Dear Tina,
This is Lisa... the woman Dave is seeing. I contemplated whether or not to send this for some time now but felt too compelled in light of Dave's recent contact with you. Several months ago I became aware of your involvement with Dave last August and the months that followed. At that time, he told me he had let you know the last time he saw you (Nov), that he was in love with and fully committed to me and dispelled notions of a romantic future for the two of you.
Dave and I have been seeing each other since Sep 2005. He has expressed interest in establishing a life with me throughout our relationship, beginning early on, to just this past weekend. I would like to know for certain things between you have truly been terminated romantically... particularly since learning of his recent contact with you and he told me of your plans to visit the area again in a few months to see your family. Unfortunately, I am finding it difficult to fully trust Dave's level of ability to be honest with me these days.
I hold no ill feelings towards you Tina. I am just hoping to engage in honest and respectful exchange with you to shed some light on the situation and avoid another potential chapter of this triangle from ensuing.
Please respond to this email, or if you feel more comfortable, call me on my cell anytime.
Best regards,
Lisa
__________________________________________________ ____________
1) What do you think of the letter? Does it sound defensive to you at all?
2) Would you respond to the email if you really were over what happened?
3) Would you respond if you weren't over what happened?
4) Would you respond if things had been rekindled between you and him during the phone call the month previous?