hangin' out with her once grow my suppressed feeling again once more time.. help!

[Cool_Roxas]

Dear everybody,

All these things might be a lil bit long, but please bear with it and if possible pliz give me some advices coz i'm cravin for one, desperately need it..

Okay so here we go,
There is this one girl I like (she's two years younger than me), or you can say i'm fallin for. I knew her around 1 year ago from the internet (like friendster, myspace, etc2). I like her the very moment I saw her. She's from the same country as mine (same city as well), but she's currently studyin abroad for another 2 years and im stuck here so we can say that it is a long-distance relationship. Though it's not like anything like that has happened in our relationship.

So, after approaching, I decided to tell her that I like her. That was around 6 months ago if im not mistaken. I told her how I felt towards her, how much I like her. She was kinda surprised by my confession and said politely that she didn't think of me in that kind of way and would be glad if we could only be friends. She had very bad love relationship with her prev bf and that's one of her reasonings, sayin that she's not really ready yet to start another relationship in the near future, afraid of gettin hurt and hurting others in the process. I thought it was just a polite way to reject a guy you don't like. I saw that all of this was pointless and that time I decided that we were better off friends.
She said some sweet things like, "Well, so that you now know my answer, would you leave me lile what others did? We will still be friends, right?" (These were all msn conversations).
I, bein your typical nice-guy, replied, "Sure do, we are forever friends." and I really mean it.
"Promise?"
"Yeah." and that's it.

Well then, after around one month, I noticed that she already had a bf and it hurt me even more. Yes, we were still contacting each other, as if nothin had happened. I was afraid of askin her but deep inside, I was crushed. During that moment, I started to realize that she was not the one for me and I need to get over it. Slowly I started to forget her (we're still in touch though). And then, suddenly she said to me that she already broken up with his bf and she felt so sad. I, on the other hand felt happy and this whole thing kinda disgusted me. I mean, would you be glad over sumone else's remorse? I just couldn't help it.

Ever since I knew her, she already had a bf two times, all while knowin the fact that I loved her. A hunch sayin that im not the right guy for her. I know but this one thing that happened recently screwed me up once more.

Last week, I got to visit her country (which she was stayin for now) and she knew this. While I was waititng to board the plane, she messaged me. It was rare now that she was havin a relationship with a boy for around three months, but I didn't give a damn bout that. I was just glad. So, the conversation looked like this,

(when i'm at the airport)
She: "im bored.."
Me : "why? what're u doin now?"
She: "nothin.. just plain bored.."
Me : "why duncha go watch movies? like let's say spiderman 3?"
She: "i'd love to. but right now there's noone i can ask for it.."
(i thought, u could ask ur bf, rite?)
Me : "just drag one of ur friends, that'll do"
She: "heh, dun feel like it. so what're doin now? haven't departed yet?"
Me : "nah, the plane got delayed for three hours. sucks"
She: "haha.. what a pity"
Me : "yeah, that puts us both in the same situation. boredom"
She: "maybe. well, I'll continue to wait for him (gotcha! it's HIM from the start). Im takin a nap. Im tired of waitin for him all this time"
Me : "okay, see you around. im about to depart in few minutes"

then tomorrow night (monday night) in singapore already
Me : "hello, this is me"
She: "yes, bro"
Me : "eaten yet? still bored?"
She: "already eat. when do u arrive?"
Me : "last nite. around 12 am"
She: "so when will you be back to ur country?"
Me : "this saturday"
She: "aww. so fast.. just thinkin of askin you out for spiderman 3"
(i was shocked during that moment coz we never talked directly before, only messaging or msn. and in my whole life i haven't gone out with a girl even once and im twenty one. that makes me a weirdo, but i dun care)
(after regaining myself)
Me : "heh. you must be kiddin me (I asked her out before and she rejected me constantly. now she's askin me out. that would be unbelievable. yeah, she did say that she wanted to see me last week. that time she hadn't known that im goin to her place. but i thought it's only a joke). i got work to do here. so maybe at night? if not, how 'bout a dinner?"
She: "the movie IS at night, so?"
(man, i couldn't belive my luck! that's what i thought)
Me : " sure do. but you'll be the guide. im not too familiar with places around here."
She: "okay."
(then we decided to meet on thursday nite)
Me : "so, do i need to make a report to ur bf now that im askin u out, borrowin u out for a nite surely has crossed the line, isn't it?"
She: "no need. we already broke up this mornin and i cry a lot coz of that"
(so, ur askin me out because of that? not because u really want it? anyway, i dun think bout it too much. the fact that she's the one askin me out already amazed me)

So then, we met for the first time thursday night 10.30 pm. she was so pretty, just as usual. I was waitin there and she quickly walked to me happily (maybe just my imagination) and gladly shaked my hand.

Im just a newbie in this kinda of thing. I mean, I never went out with a girl even once before. I did, but it was not one-on-one. Now, this one could be called a date, isn't it. I was terribly excited that time, like I could burst out at any time. And I told her that during that time, she just smiled (i love it lol).

We then waited for the movie to start (another half an hour). We chat a lot. She even considered to watch another movie with me the next night (!!!). Then she suggested to take a picture of the two of us together usin her camera (another !!! our first time out, so takin picture the first time meetin, all in all we were only friends, i mean it's weird and not usual in my country, even my sis who went out for his bf for the first time dun take picture like this. she kept on surprising me). I agreed and we took pictures usin her camera and my camera phone (she looked cute in it and i was in a mess haha). She sang for me once (she recorded it and sent it to me through msn) and said that that was her first time recording (i was touched) and then i asked her to sing for me and she did lol.

After that we went inside the cinema. There were no many people inside as it was already very late at night. Only the last four rows occupied. I thought i kinda messed up here coz i didn't talk a lot. When i tried to come up with some jokes, she just laughed a bit and proceed to watch the movie. Really really mess up.

The movie is finished and we went straight home by taxis on our own. She said goodbye and i ask if tomorrow night fine with her? (another movie). She said she would just check it first. Later that night, I couldn't sleep coz of her. She was pretty and surely smelled nice, i think all girls did. That night i messaged her, sayin thanks for the night and i really appreciate all of that. she said thanks also (i dun see any of her excitement, think it was only just me).

Unfortunately, she got another appointment to do that friday and apologized to me about that. That she felt really bad bout that. I said, it's just fine. We can meet another time. I was leavin on saturday so i though meetin up once more time that night would be great. but the fact that she couldn't attend depress me.

Now, after all these things that happen, my feeling for her that i've long tried to hide and forget now emerges one more time. It's just like in the past. I know that it's impossible for me. She doesn't see me the way i do to her. You can say, it's a one-sided love. So what should I do? Im afraid of gettin hurt again but now i can't seem to forget her.. man, this sucks. help

[anachronistic]

"but now i can't seem to forget her.."

bullshit. you KNOW you can forget her but you don't want to because you think something magical is going to happen and change her mind.

she is wasting your time, breaking your heart, and probably wasting your money too.

why don't you just go and meet some other women, and just be friends with this one?

[Cool_Roxas]

maybe ur right but it would be hard for the time bein.. coz still can't get her over my head.. think im damned for sure..

i like her a lot and next week she'll be back here. have tried to ask her out and she said okay if she got the time. dun know what to do now.. exhausted for sure. maybe i shouldn't even meet with her in the first place.

when i viewed her internet profile, i just feel hurt when she talked bout sumone else.. like missin this guy etc2. guess im just bein a bit retarded.. heh, can't help it

[anachronistic]

if she really liked you she'd find time now. she is just being nice.

[zro]

for once i have to agree with lilbitch, if a female likes you then she would try he hardest to see you, stop puuting this bitch up on a pedestal, sounds like she is playing games and to make it worse it sounds like you ****ing know that

Like you said, it sounds like "one-sided love" even though i am quite sure you are not in love, you hardly know this bitch - thats lust not love mate

In my opinion you have 2 options,

1) get the **** over her, not meaning that you have to HIDE your intentions, you actually have to not want a romantic relationship with her, a friendship with one "loving" the other is not really a friendship, its ****ing torture, if you can get over her, there is nothing stopping you having a friendship with her

2) if you cant get over here, then cut all relations, delete her number and start looking for another prospect

all the above is just my ****ing opinion..take it or leave it

[anachronistic]

for once i have to agree with lilbitch, if a female likes you then she would try he hardest to see you, stop puuting this bitch up on a pedestal, sounds like she is playing games and to make it worse it sounds like you ****ing know that

Like you said, it sounds like "one-sided love" even though i am quite sure you are not in love, you hardly know this bitch - thats lust not love mate

In my opinion you have 2 options,

1) get the **** over her, not meaning that you have to HIDE your intentions, you actually have to not want a romantic relationship with her, a friendship with one "loving" the other is not really a friendship, its ****ing torture, if you can get over her, there is nothing stopping you having a friendship with her

2) if you cant get over here, then cut all relations, delete her number and start looking for another prospect

all the above is just my ****ing opinion..take it or leave it

why are you using so many cuss words?

[zro]

because i want to

[anachronistic]

oh. okay.

_________

[Cool_Roxas]

dun b*tch that b*tch this when u dun even know her.. man..
she doesn't even try to play with me. if she's just bein nice so what's wrong with that? i like her, well, i dun know whether it's lust or whatever things you said.. and i just know that it will take sum time to love a person like i do rite now.

she noticed my feeling towards her and said that she doesn't feel that way towards me.. but that was around 4 months ago? is it wrong if i just try it once more time? i might be too naive but that's me. at least, i won't leave unsatisfied.
if it just causes pain in the end, i'll try to cope with it.. i've tried hard and i'll be willing to take the result, whatever it might be.

[zro]

i know it well enough to recognise that she is playing you like a violin and you ****ing know it too, is this bitch the virgin mary or something?? as i said before, if she didnt like you back then, she DOESNT like you now, move on man, you think i am saying this to benefit myself, i dont know this bitch and couldnt care less, i am saying this to save you some ****ing hurt, you should be thanking instead of arguing with me

[Cool_Roxas]

well, thanks lad. i'll try it. im an egoist person so it'll be long before i can get her out of my life (some part of me doesn't want that to happen, this is what makes things worse)..

i'll see what i can do for now.. and if it's just plain impossible i'll surely back off.. im not backing off without givin it my all though.. tell me im stubborn

[LoveTwist]

Ok, firstly sorry I didn't reply last night, really needed to zonk out.

After reading your post I'm afraid I'd have to agree with the others. It sounds like'd be best to try and move on at this point. You seem pretty certain that she's not interested from the way you talk about her.

However, if after going on these dates with her you think there is some spark there, then by all means keep trying, but it definitely doesn't look good. Really sounds like she's not interested in a relationship with you as she's been going out with other guys and thinks of you as a friend. Not saying there’s no chance in hell that could change, nothing impossible, but it in this case it seems very improbable.

I've had a few experiences with one-sided love myself and it can be like torture so I really feel for you. In my case I still think about that person, but I've managed to accept the fact that they don't want to be with me and in all likely hoods never will. But I still think about them often and I still think about them with fond memories.

What I mean is, she may never love you back the way you love her, but that doesn't stop you thinking about her and remembering her, you'll probably do this anyway. Takes a long time to get to this stage but if you really love her, then you want her to be happy right? And if you know that she's not going to be happy in a relationship with you, then you have to let her move on.

This is how I think about letting go the one sided love I had, if they don't love you and you truly love them then you want them to be happy no matter what, even if it doesn’t involve you.

So in my opinion you have 3 choices -

(1) Try your very best to forget about her and move on and keep looking for love with someone else. Go out on dates etc. For this option you really need to cut all contact with her for at least 3 or 4 months to try and get her out of your system.

(2) Learn to accept the fact that she's never going to love you the way you love her, but keep her in your life anyway and try and maintain the friendship.

(3) Only do this is your gut tells you there is a definite chance something could happen between you 2. And only continue along this route if your gut feeling is confirmed. In other words, if you try and win her round to going out with you, and she insists that you are just friends, then cut your losses and move on to option (1) or (2).
It won't be easy, but if you waste half your life chasing after her when she's clearly not interested, then your going to end up torturing yourself. And chances are you will seriously regret it later. Of course I don't know how you 2 are together or if there is a chance for a spark there, but from what you've told us it sounds like there isn't.

Sorry that’s the sad truth of the situation. In all honesty I'd have to recommend option (1) . Is by far the least painful way for you in the long run. Its kinda like ripping off an plaster. If you do it quick you'll have a sharp pain, but then it’ll be over, and the cut will sting for a while but it’ll heal much faster. If you pull it off slowly it will be a long lingering pain, and while your pulling that plaster off the clock is ticking.

I know it can be very hard to see when you're in love. Trust me I've been there, still am there in many ways.
But, and I know this is an overly used cliché, but there really are plenty more fish in the sea.

Good luck, whichever route you choice. Just make sure that whatever decision you make you can live with, because at the end of the day, its your life.

Ps- Sorry for the incredibly long post, but just brought back so many things from my own experience, plus I was bored.

[Cool_Roxas]

Thx a lot LoveTwist.. after readin ur post i realizes many things.. it's funny when i read the quote "there're plenty fishes in the sea" coz i use that once to comfort my friend who was in a similar condition as i am now lol. another thing i realize is that it is easier to offer solutions to others than solving ur own, even though it's all of the same root.

Considerin all your replies, i humbly thank all of you. The conclusion is i'll try to let it go. I won't push my feeling as i always did. I won't put too much hope. I'll just let everythin flows naturally. if everything goes well, i'll be glad but if not i also won't regret. For now, maybe i'll just draw a line between us.

About ur three options, im afraid that option #1 is very hard to take. For the past months we're still friends. i know she had a bf already.. but it was kinda weird that i didn't care at all bout that.. just like what friends did. surely it was all before that thursday event which turned my life upside down. what im tryin to say is that i'll try my best to return to my original self... the time when we were both just friends and nothin more than that.

Keep on cheerin up for me guys. Thx a lot for ur suggestions. Surely appreciate that! ^^

[Ath]

I hope everything goes well for you. Keep in mind, that the right path to take, isn't always the easiest.

[Cool_Roxas]

yeah.. i know this and i learn this a long time ago. just like the sayin, "time heals everything.." though how long it will take im not sure. better go with the flow then. she's currently still broken from her previous relationship so i'll see how things work when she fully recovers. if im just a mere friend to her by that time then yes, i'll surely back off..