making some one un-shy

[C172H]

Yep, certainly is.

I'm sorry to the author of this topic. I did hijack your thread abit and I apologise.

[vashti]

It was purely to help you to understand where i'm coming from. But I think you've taken offence from it for which I am sorry.

.

Nonsense. I wasn't the least bit offended - I was amused. Anyway, the thread wasn't really derailed. My point of view applies to the original poster, too.

[C172H]

Amused by my past? Atleast you can take me losing my father figure at such a young age as amusing.

Thanks.

[vashti]

Not amused by that - amused that you seemed to imply that your hardships made you a special case. For the record, I lost my dad when I was young, and then my "father figure" at 17.

[C172H]

I didnt say it made me a special case.

Think the naive thoughts you want. I personally couldn't care less.

[vashti]

Ha! I haven't been called "naive" in many, many years. You are too sensitive. YOu might want to work on that.

[C172H]

I'm not being sensitive. I'm just tired of trying to get you to understand and I don't wish to waste my time on you any further so we shall call it quits here.

[Tired]

Um, i'm sorry but I think you've completely missed the point I was making. Shy people don't intend to make people 'work ridiculously hard' to get to know them. Sometimes its just hard for them to be open, especially when they think you're thinking such things.

Me personally, I am shy because I don't trust anyone too easily. Nearly everyone I have got close to has either died or completely taken advantage of me. I do eventually open up to people, but it takes me a while.

I feel the same way. When i was in 8th and 9th grade, that transition from middle school to high school I broke up with a girl i had dated for two years, a lot of my friends went to different schools, once we got to high school some of my friends i had been cool with for years got mixed in with new crowds and i felt left behind or betrayed in some cases.

This same exact time period my sister left the family (drug addiction), she just vanished the day after Christmas and haven't seen her since.

Ever since this period of my life its hard to trust people, I fear rejection more then ever, I really do worry about whether people will like me and its a natural feeling I get not something I feel I can control. I'd like to just not give a **** what people think but thats easier said then done.

Before this period i had many more friends, I didn't care what people thought as much, and I could talk with people much more easily.




On the topic of making some one un-shy tho. I'm shy or "quiet" as I like to say and the girl I work with (who i'm interested in) is shy as well. I think more so then me. I want her and have really been the one to push the convo's and get them going. I had to step outta my comfort zone to do this because I'm not an overly friendly person, I'm simply not used to it anymore. BUT, after a while she became comfortable around me and now the convo's are more 50-50 and i think to an extent i've helped make her un-shy, even if it may only be around me.

[Tired]

Being shy is - ultimately - a selfish point of view, meaning you are so completely focused on yourself, another person's discomfort/unhappiness is secondary at best.

i couldn't disagree with you more. How is being shy "selfish", people can't help their natural instincts. I am on the verge of having a panic attack if i have to do a presentation, it's not because I'm selfish its because I get nervous, uncomfortable and shy.

Another example is today, I had a baseball game in an adult league. I think I'm the only one on the team who doesn't drink and go to bars every night. For majority of the game the discussions were about drinking or nightlife at their favorite bar (half of them work for the same bar)...Maybe I come off as shy because i'm not adding to the conversation but I have nothing to add to that conversation. It's not my scene, I'm in no way selfish because I'm not part of that discussion or because I feel out of my place with that topic.

Your acting like because some of us feel uncomfortable at certain points or don't know what to say, we're "selfish". That doesn't even make sense

[tooxshort]

Damn right I'm selfish.

I can be shy when I feel inferior. But opening up is like a "snowball effect," once you can open up to someone and they accept it, then you realize that more and more people can do the same.

[vashti]

i couldn't disagree with you more. How is being shy "selfish", people can't help their natural instincts. I am on the verge of having a panic attack if i have to do a presentation, it's not because I'm selfish its because I get nervous, uncomfortable and shy.

Another example is today, I had a baseball game in an adult league. I think I'm the only one on the team who doesn't drink and go to bars every night. For majority of the game the discussions were about drinking or nightlife at their favorite bar (half of them work for the same bar)...Maybe I come off as shy because i'm not adding to the conversation but I have nothing to add to that conversation. It's not my scene, I'm in no way selfish because I'm not part of that discussion or because I feel out of my place with that topic.

Your acting like because some of us feel uncomfortable at certain points or don't know what to say, we're "selfish". That doesn't even make sense

Jeez, people! YOU are the ones attaching negative judgement to the word "selfish", not me. Selfish - as I am using it - means "focused on self". Don't tell me it doesn't apply. It does.

BTW - actual panic attacks are a generally physiological disorders, not an emotional ones. They are often treated medically.

[Mote]

Here's the thing, I'm completely not shy when Im with my guy-friends, but I get really really shy with girls

[Gribble]

You're only shy because you let yourself be. It isn't impossible to overcome. Make all the excuses you want, fact is it's a character flaw. Either you live with it and miss out or you put in a little effort and win big. That's your choice.

[zro]

not everyone wants to be the centre of attention, to say shyness is a character flaw is ****ing stupid, some poeple are naturally quiet , dont seek approval from others and self confident enough in themselves to only open their gap to make a point or stick up for themselves, some of the strongest minded people i have ever met are shy and quiet, if anything confidence in my opinion has the potential of being more damaging than being reserved

[Converse]

Jeez, people! YOU are the ones attaching negative judgement to the word "selfish", not me. Selfish - as I am using it - means "focused on self". Don't tell me it doesn't apply. It does.

BTW - actual panic attacks are a generally physiological disorders, not an emotional ones. They are often treated medically.

I've had 2 panic attacks before had to go to hospital because I thought I was having an Asma attack, feels like you're gonna die. Horrible. So glad I sorted my 'issues' out.