making some one un-shy

[C172H]

Um, i'm sorry but I think you've completely missed the point I was making. Shy people don't intend to make people 'work ridiculously hard' to get to know them. Sometimes its just hard for them to be open, especially when they think you're thinking such things.

Me personally, I am shy because I don't trust anyone too easily. Nearly everyone I have got close to has either died or completely taken advantage of me. I do eventually open up to people, but it takes me a while.

[Converse]

Ahhh that's horrible, dunno what to say about that; but I don't blame you for being like that.

Sorry about missing the point lol I do this often.

[C172H]

Ah don't worry! Its not like I don't make the effort to talk to people, or take interest in them, I do. But in general I am shy because of the reasons I stated above. My real friends accept me for who I am and im happy with that.

I think that alot of shy people have reasons for being shy. However, I can assure you that the last thing they wanna do is make more confident people annoyed with them for being shy.

[Converse]

Just as long as you're happy that's all that matters! You seem like a really nice person.

[vashti]

I didn't *miss the point*. Being shy is - ultimately - a selfish point of view, meaning you are so completely focused on yourself, another person's discomfort/unhappiness is secondary at best.

Note your sentence:

"Me personally, I am shy because I don't trust anyone too easily. Nearly everyone I have got close to has either died or completely taken advantage of me. I do eventually open up to people, but it takes me a while." <-- That is what a shy person's world consists of.

You need not share my opinion; it is just food for thought... another way to look at the situation. Anyway, I agree with Giga - if you want him to dance with you, offer him a reward or trade favors. I think if you *really* love to dance, however, and he really doesn't, you might have to get used to not dancing at all or dancing with other men.

[C172H]

Being shy isn't anything to do with being selfish. I'm really not a selfish person.

I stated my reasons for being shy so that you could see why I find it hard to be as open as you! I can't give you reasons for everyother shy person in the world, I can only give you my reasons for being shy. I'm not trying to change your opinion on this matter but I am trying to give you an idea of what its like from a shy persons POV. I even stated that the last thing a shy person wants to do is make you feel annoyed.

Converse,

Thanks very much for the kind words. You're a nice person too.

[Converse]

No probs, thanx!

I never feel mad at a shy person for not talking, I just hope the person's ok and having a good time. One of my best friends is really quiet and reserved but when he gets drunk he's totally out of his shell it's so funny because you wouldn't expect it. (I'm not telling anyone to get drunk to over-come shy-ness lol). I don't think being shy is selfish at all like you said everyone has their own reasons and everyone is different. People like me who get abit loud sometimes are annoying haha!

[vashti]

As I already stated, I tend to be shy too. The only difference is that I refuse to make myself comfortable with it because I see it as a flaw. If you are happy with it, though, then carry on...

[C172H]

Converse,

I'm glad you understand where i'm coming from. I'm pretty open with my friends, but thats because most of them i've known since I was a kid and I trust them. Maybe i'm abit different to the conventional shy person but I can open up alot when I feel comfortable with someone.

Being loud doesn't make you annoying. One of my best friends is loud and I always have a great time with him. Sometimes being around a loud person puts me at ease.

Anyway, thats just my input about shy people.

[Converse]

I'm glad I know more about shy people actually, because some times I do annoy shy people to be honest lol. I act confident but am really shy inside, because I'm shy and nervous I say stupid things I shouldn't by accident then make my self look like an idiot, I hate it when that happens, after I'm like "why did I say that, oh god!" etc. Lol. Comedy for others though.

[C172H]

Vashti,

I guess in order to understand where i'm coming from you've got to have basically lived my life. What you've got to understand is that by the time I was 11yrs old I had already lost 6 close relatives (currently the figure of deaths is 8) including my father figure. I have had so many people over the years just use me, especially ex g/f's, and just dropped me once they had got what they wanted. I have moved hundereds of miles away from friends and family twice in the past few years.

So growing up, its basically been a trend of getting close to people and they've died or just completely used me... Thats what has made me shy. I didn't say I liked being shy. I like to get to know people I meet,but I do it slowly over a period of time. I would much rather that than get close and lose someone again. If that makes me selfish then thats okay, im a selfish person. However, I never turn a friend away when they need help or advice, infact I help friends out almost daily with all kinds of problems. I care about my friends and family alot.

Finally, I have read previous posts of yours and I can see that you do hand out good advice here and I just want to say I don't hold anything against you because your views of shy people.

Converse,

If i've helped you to understand why some people can be shy (well, I guess why I am anyway lol) then i'm pleased its been informative for you. Don't worry about making a fool of yourself infront of anyone. My loud friend often says/does funny things and it always gets me laughing on a night out.

[vashti]

Vashti,

I guess in order to understand where i'm coming from you've got to have basically lived my life. What you've got to understand is that by the time I was 11yrs old I had already lost 6 close relatives (currently the figure of deaths is 8) including my father figure. I have had so many people over the years just use me, especially ex g/f's, and just dropped me once they had got what they wanted. I have moved hundereds of miles away from friends and family twice in the past few years.

As I said, feel free to accept or ignore my point of view, but I have to ask - what makes you think any of the above is relevant? Do you assume I must have not experienced hardship or I would understand you better?

[Converse]

You probably don't like people saying this to you but I am sorry what you have been through, I can't imagine what you've been through. I hate users, the lowest people.

[C172H]

No, i'm not saying that you havent been through a hard time, but we all react in different ways to bad things. My shyness purely portrays the fact that I don't want to get close to someone for this sort of situation to happen again. It was purely to help you to understand where i'm coming from. But I think you've taken offence from it for which I am sorry.

Converse,

I'm glad that you understand where im coming from. It has been hard to deal with those things but I am really grateful for the friends I do have because they are true friends and have always been there for me (and vice versa of course) It's also made me more understanding too when people are down.

[Converse]

Yeah it's great to have best friends.