Damn mothers

[Tribulation]

I've seen and heard about many situations playing out so I don't have much of a problem when problems arise. However, this is one situation I don't know how to deal with. I like this girl, let's call her Tiffany, and she's a good friend, and there are certain things she does that makes me think she has some feelings for me too, or is interested at least. But that's not the case, that I can deal with just fine myself. However getting there is the problem. Little background, I'm 17 for another few month. This girl is nearly 17. My parents are fine with me dating, her mother seems to be as she's done so before, but I don't think she likes me for some reason.

If someone doesn't like me, then fine. However, her mother has seen me once, for only a few minutes. I didn't do or say anything to knock points off my score that she is keeping. She let me go with her daughter to a school dance, so that's something. I asked Tiffany to come over today and she wanted to, but she didn't show up. I called her and she had prior engagements that she forgot about, and calling me slipped her mind. I smelled bullshit, but didn't say a thing as I heard her mother in the background.

A friend I talked to today said Tiffany said her mother wouldn't let her come over. This is what I figured had been the case, and why Tiffany hadn't said told me the truth. I want to ask Tiffany to the upcoming prom but I'm not so sure her mother will say yes to her going. If that's the case, I'll just ask Tiffany again, does SHE want to go with me? If she says yes I'll just meet her there. But I can't do that all the time. I just dont think her mother likes me for some reason. Whether she thinks I'm a criminal because I have long hair (she sure can pick them, her husband is in jail), or it's just that she's a snooty bitch like she seems, I don't know. But I don't know how to deal with this situation. I don't want to just let this girl go because "mommy" doesn't approve.

[senatorbob10]

Ask Tiffany for permission to court her mother, but only temporarily. After you test the waters, immediately break up and begin to date Tiffany. You'll know her mother better, and understand her deepest emotions.

This method has worked for me more than once, as well as many of my friends. It's an effective way to end the awkward tension and makes for smooth sailing in a fruitful relationship.

But make sure your relationship with the mother doesn't become too intimate. This creates serious friction and puts your relationship with Tiffany in jeopardy.

Good luck!

[Gigabitch]

Ugh- ignore him. He's a troll.

This isn't something you can fix, Trib. Unfortunately, this is a Tiffany-and-her-mom problem, and you're just a prop.

God knows why she doesn't like you. I remember my mom strongly disliked and distrusted the most respectful and non-pushy guy I dated in high school. She was sure he was just out to get in my pants when really, he treated me like a princess.

Mothers don't see their daughters clearly, and whatever Tiffany's mom is seeing in you is colored by the natural but unfortunate weirdness she's got going on with her daughter.

You may have to wait for Tiffany to free herself, if she ever does.

[TDurden]

It could just be me, but the way I see it, she doesn't have to like you. It's your job to prove you're a good person who isn't going to hurt her daughter.

Plus, you said her husband is in jail. Now, I don't know what he did but I wouldn't be surprised if it was something that would make her (the mom) distrust men.

You said you only met Tiffany's mom once and how dare she judge you after that one meeting. Well, the same could be said of your opinion of her. You don't know the family dynamic and as an outsider you simply don't have the authority to go around trying to undermine something you don't understand.

Talk to Tiffany about it and ask her directly if her mom doesn't like you. Ask if there's anything you can do to smooth things over or if her mom is just like this with everybody.

Bottom line is: there's no reason you have to turn this into a battle where it's you versus her mom.

[senatorbob10]

Hey...what makes you assume that I'm a troll, gigabitch? My information is just as valid as yours. We're here to make suggestions, and that's exactly what I've done. Put your sword away, because I'm not a troll.

[vashti]

If you aren't a troll, then you are simply guilty of giving dumb advice.

Tribulation - i agree with TDurden. I would also like to suggest you ask Tiffany's mom for permission to ask her daughter to the prom BEFORE you do it. If she consents, you won't have to worry about Tiffany not showing up to the prom. Also, it would demonstrate respect for her mother which would probably buy some good will.