The Guy's Rules!!!

[Breezy18]

Okay........a "guy" friend of mine sent me this and I had to share. It's too funny.

The Guys' Rules

We always hear "the rules"from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one; subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[squirrley]

Breezy I think we have the same friends...or these are so damn popular they cant help but be passed on and on and on...

[Fawn]

Still Hillarious!!!

[sfalexi]

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

My solution? I lower both the seat and the lid. I figure if I'm going to have to do some work to lift the seat up, she's going to have to lift the lid. And I'm going to yell if the LID'S not down. After all, that's the way a toilet SHOULD be left, correct?

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

I can pee without lifting the damn seat - I dont think I have eer lifted the seat - so unless it was already up i just do it with it down...

I dont see why guys have to have it up anyways - its not like we spay all over the place... At least I dont - I shoot in a straight line and I have perfect aim. And so I just aim straight into the center and do my thing and when the pressure starts to go down right before i am done I just lean over the toilet so I dont drip on the seat... ...

So Idk what the big hassel is about the seat being down or up - I never really had a problem with it.

[sfalexi]

You mean you've NEVER sprayed? Most of the time it's straight for me too. But every now and then I end up spraying or going in two streams or something wierd. And all it needs to happen is that one time in order for there to be a reason. So I avoid the 'chance'.

[BillyGalbreath]

well once I pissed sideways because I had a hair stuck to the tip that made the stream go sideways... But I cleaned it up, and from then on I rub my thumb across the tip and I never did it again.

And as for spraying, i never have done that..

[sfalexi]

Not spray the entire time. Just in the beginning. When starting off. And god forbid you miscalculate the pressure and aim and start out hitting the back of the lid or something.

Anyways, you can do what you like. I just do my thing with the lid. It seems to work.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

yeah - to each their own...

I must admit this tho - whenever i go to a public restroom I piss all over the seat on purpose... I dont know why. I have just always done it since I was a wee kid...

[sfalexi]

Well that's nice Billy. Way to go. I hope one day you have diarrhea and need to go to a public restroom and only find that one with the pissed all over seat. It'll serve ya right and maybe show you why it's not a great idea.

Alexi

[BillyGalbreath]

I dont take shit in public - and if I have diarrhea i dont leave the house...

[BillyGalbreath]

The nastiest thing ever is when someone takes a HUGE shit and then fills it up with toilet paper then someone else takes a HUGE shit on toip of that then someone else pisses over over the seat then someone trys to start to clean it and gets wet toilet paper all ove rthe seat and then someone else pees all ove rthe seat to soak the toilet paper......

THAT is nasty as all hell.....

[squirrley]

geezuz you guys are sick today! What got up your asses?

[BillyGalbreath]

nothins up my ass - I was just trying to make a point that it is possible for guys to not have to lift the seat... Then i got a little off topic with that last post - lol

[squirrley]

I thought it was funny Billy! You and Alexi got some convos going on up in here!!!!