She took someone elses number and lied.

[louie213]

Hi there, i have a bit of a problem and I would appriciate someone elses view on the situation. I have been going out with my gf for 14 months now, sure we argue now and again buy generally everything is good. Friday night my gf went you with her friends. Now when shes gone out in the past men have chatted her up and tried give her thier number many times. When she arrived in at 1am i asked her (politly mind you) did she have a nice night, and did she get chatted up much and that did anyone try to give her their phone number (shes taken someones number in the past saying he put it in her mobilephone and he wouldnt take no for an answer) so i asked her if anyone had tried, calmly not agressive at all, and she said umm no, i dont think i did. This got me thinking and I asked "you think?" she said no she didnt.

Anyway in the morning i asked her again what she meant by "i dont think i did, no I didnt take anyones number" and she said she didnt take anyones number last night. Anyway about an hour later I mentioned it again becasue to me that was a strange thing to say. She then said she did take a guys number! even though she said lastnight she hadnt AND this morning she denied it, and now shes saying she did take someones number! The reason she said she lied about it was that knew i would be angry, i asked why she took it and her reason was "he complimented me" anyway this guy said to her that he'd wanted to make love to her. I promptly left the house, why lie? why even take another mans number? Anyway she txt me soon a few hours latter saying she only took it becasue he was a builder and that she was trying to make me jealous, but it was true that he fancied her and wanted to make love with her. why not say he's a builder in the first place? and why lie about it? I'm thinking the bulider story was an afterthought, but if it is true do you think its fair for her to let me belive its purly becasue he made her feel good? And why would you want work done by someone who thinks that of you when you have a boyfriend?

You opions will be very helpful, cheers

[jurupa]

I think you need to have a talk with her about this and ask her if she wants out of the relationship, because its one thing to get a guys number its another to lie about it. Also you did the right thing by leaving the house when she told you the first story. Question tho are you living with your girl friend?

[bluesummer]

Yeah, there's something wrong with that situation. If a guy told me he wanted to make love to me I'd think he was a freakin creep, I definitely wouldn't take his number, and hell would freeze over before I let said creep do any 'work' for me.

Does she have insecurity issues?

[Glyph]

Not saying it was right for her to take the guy's number, but it seems to me like the moment she got in the door, she got grilled. Even in a subtle manner, to hear "Did you have a nice time?" is one thing, but "Did anyone try to hit on you? Did any guys give you a number?" seems to be a bit pushy and expectant. You may not TRY to cast aspersions on her by doing that, but at the same time, I'll be she feels like she can't go out anywhere without your wondering if she's cheating or something.

And in that case, no, I wouldn't tell if someone had given me their number, anyhow. Her fears that you were going to be angry were obviously founded, since you were.

Once again, not saying she was right in not being completely upfront, and that she should have taken some dude's number, but on your end, I think it'd do well if you'd lighten up. I'm pretty sure I'd grow a little tired of being asked who hit on me every single time I went out without my boyfriend.

[bluesummer]

Not saying it was right for her to take the guy's number, but it seems to me like the moment she got in the door, she got grilled. Even in a subtle manner, to hear "Did you have a nice time?" is one thing, but "Did anyone try to hit on you? Did any guys give you a number?" seems to be a bit pushy and expectant. You may not TRY to cast aspersions on her by doing that, but at the same time, I'll be she feels like she can't go out anywhere without your wondering if she's cheating or something.

And in that case, no, I wouldn't tell if someone had given me their number, anyhow. Her fears that you were going to be angry were obviously founded, since you were.

Once again, not saying she was right in not being completely upfront, and that she should have taken some dude's number, but on your end, I think it'd do well if you'd lighten up. I'm pretty sure I'd grow a little tired of being asked who hit on me every single time I went out without my boyfriend.

+1 for truth.

My question also should have been, do YOU have insecurity issues?

[vashti]

I'm with Glyph....

[Charlie Boy]

Are you bitches serious??? If my girl was out getting other guys numbers I'd be furious. And I'd expect her to rip my balls of if I was out hunting down female digits.

Yet again your vagina-loving double standard. If a girl came on here asking about her boyfriend doing the same thing AND THEN LYING ABOUT IT you'd all be like:

"Run, don't walk."

"He is no good. You deserve someone better who will treat you right."

"No offense, he sounds like an asshole. Don't put up with it." etc etc.

Instead you blame HIM. His insecurities have driven her to get random guys numbers who tell her they "want to **** you". Yeerrrrriggghhht!!

So what if he asked her? He was SPOT ON. She was being dodgy.


p.s. Wtf do you mean "he was a builder"? As in he builds houses?? Why would that make it any more acceptable?

[anachronistic]

i am with charles on this topic.

why is your girlfriend trying to make you jealous? is she just ****ed up in the head like that or did you possibly make her jealous?

[Glyph]

If a woman came here and told the same story, I'd have just as easily told her that coming off with "So did you get hit on? How many women tried to chat you up?" is a pretty crappy thing to do.

I'm not in favour of anyone pulling a routine like that on their significant other. And once more, I also fully admitted that it didn't make her right in actually GIVING these guys a number.

I do, however, think that anyone who'd honestly say that insecurity isn't a relationship-killer is off his rocker. YOU might think it's perfectly fine to come off that way every time your SO walks out the door without you. To me? That routine would get pretty old.

[anachronistic]

If a woman came here and told the same story, I'd have just as easily told her that coming off with "So did you get hit on? How many women tried to chat you up?" is a pretty crappy thing to do.

I'm not in favour of anyone pulling a routine like that on their significant other. And once more, I also fully admitted that it didn't make her right in actually GIVING these guys a number.

I do, however, think that anyone who'd honestly say that insecurity isn't a relationship-killer is off his rocker. YOU might think it's perfectly fine to come off that way every time your SO walks out the door without you. To me? That routine would get pretty old.

look at the details. guys often hit on her and she goes along with it. not only that but she was out till 1 am. if my girlfriend was out that late i'd want to chat with her on the phone for a little bit.

louie, is this the first time your girlfriend has lied about this or anything like that?

[Glyph]

look at the details. guys often hit on her and she goes along with it. not only that but she was out till 1 am. if my girlfriend was out that late i'd want to chat with her on the phone for a little bit.

louie, is this the first time your girlfriend has lied about this or anything like that?

I saw the details. I'm only saying that there's absolutely no place for insecurity in a relationship, because it always means one of two things:

1) The fears are unfounded, and therefore you're making your partner shoulder your insecurities over things they actually haven't done, and they'd be more than justified in leaving you.

2) The fears ARE founded, because they're actually doing whatever it is that causes concern, and you're more than justified in leaving them.

Either way, it means a ****ed relationship. So if you're insecure enough to need to question someone about who hits on them or whatever, it probably means a serious relationship reassessment is in order.

[vashti]

If you think we have a double standard, check out the thread about the woman who wants to leave her husband for a crush.
I'm just saying that I wouldn't want to be grilled after going out with the girls. OF course men are hitting on her. Would any guy want a girl that never got hit on? Besides, Glyph's first sentence said she shouldn't be accepting men's numbers. He can't control *her* bad behavior, but he can certainly control his own.

[Charlie Boy]

Rationalise rationalise backpedal rationalise backpedal backpedal backpedal rationalise

Oh ok now I see LOLERZ!!!!!!1111

[vashti]

You lost. Sorry.

[bluesummer]

Are you bitches serious??? If my girl was out getting other guys numbers I'd be furious. And I'd expect her to rip my balls of if I was out hunting down female digits.

Yet again your vagina-loving double standard. If a girl came on here asking about her boyfriend doing the same thing AND THEN LYING ABOUT IT you'd all be like:

"Run, don't walk."

"He is no good. You deserve someone better who will treat you right."

"No offense, he sounds like an asshole. Don't put up with it." etc etc.

Instead you blame HIM. His insecurities have driven her to get random guys numbers who tell her they "want to **** you". Yeerrrrriggghhht!!

So what if he asked her? He was SPOT ON. She was being dodgy.

They're both to blame, but let me give you a little rationale on why the girls are up in arms over HIS behaviour:

I had an ex that was insecure. Lots of guys would hit on me or ask for my number while I was out, and he knew it. I TOLD him because I figured he could handle it. He couldn't. After awhile I stopped telling him, especially because every time I went out he'd grill me about where I'd been and if any guys had hit on me. There came a point where I'd HAVE to lie to him about it because it would cause a fight (he always blamed me, even though I never did a damn thing). Eventually he 'banned' me from going to clubs because he couldn't stand the idea of other guys trying to pick me up. CRAZY INSECURE. And it scared me off.

So I can understand the posters' concern, but he needs to be accountable for his behaviour too.