shy guy, where does he stand?

[ves]

Hi everyone, I have a curious situation and I'd be happy for some outside opinions.

I used to work with this guy. We met on the job in fall 2004, got to be good work friends, and he quit about 10 months later. We stayed in contact, meeting up every few months or so. Last February, he called me out of the blue, we went out to dinner and a game place - all of which he paid for, even though I kept offering to split. For a few weekends after that we'd meet up for drinks. He always paid for drinks, except on his birthday when I insisted I was treating him. T hen he left for a month-long job out of state and we didn't see each other until the summer. We went bike riding once, I felt like I said some dumb stuff, and then practically no contact.

His birthday was last weekend, so I called him to say happy birthday. I was actually kind of hoping for voicemail but he picked up, we talked for about 10 minutes and he asked if I was going to be around later. We made plans for him to come over for a glass of wine after he had dessert at his mom's house. He came to my apartment and we talked for 4 hours about all kinds of stuff, serious and funny.

I found out that he had a few casual girlfriends in high school, but no real relationships since then (he's 28 and I'm 26). I haven't had a relationship either. We were talking about old video games and I said jokingly that I'm such a dork for liking them, and he said "No, I love that about you." His friends called and he didn't answer, just turned his phone off. We also talked about how both of us are very independent and like to be alone, so it's hard for either of us to initiate social activities. When I was saying how I was going to be alone forever and have 100 cats, he rubbed my foot (I was sitting sideways on the couch) and said jokingly, "Nah, maybe only 50." He knows I lost about 45lbs since I last saw him and said I look great. He left around 3am and we hugged goodbye.

So (are you still with me? lol), I am a little confused, especially the way he keeps coming in and out of my life. I don't want to make excuses, but all my friends tell me there's no way a guy would talk to a girl for 4 hours if he wasn't interested in her. I tend to think we're both really shy about taking things past friendship. Am I reading things wrong? Thanks for all your help!

[jurupa]

Uh your girl friends are right. No guy will talk to a girl for 4 hours straight if he was not interested.

[enterprise]

Uh your girl friends are right. No guy will talk to a girl for 4 hours straight if he was not interested.

I'd have to say 99% of the time thats correct. Hes probably interested,

[Gigabitch]

It's sounding good to me. He should make the next move if he is, within four days if he's getting advice from me.

If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, he's either not really interested, too shy to be anybody's boyfriend, or in a coma.

[ves]

It's sounding good to me. He should make the next move if he is, within four days if he's getting advice from me.

If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, he's either not really interested, too shy to be anybody's boyfriend, or in a coma.

Well, his birthday was Friday. We both work night shift (6pm-2am) at different jobs, and I've worked every night since Friday. We're both off Saturday, so we'll see. Should I call him?

[enterprise]

I would recommend it because if he is shy he might not make a move.

[Only-virgins]

If you want to call him then call him. I hate this..."its up to him or her to do it" BS. If you wanna do it ...then do it...and if you don't then don't bitch about it that he didn't do it later. Simple....call him...sounds like he is maybe trying to get a sign from you.

[ves]

If you want to call him then call him. I hate this..."its up to him or her to do it" BS. If you wanna do it ...then do it...and if you don't then don't bitch about it that he didn't do it later. Simple....call him...sounds like he is maybe trying to get a sign from you.

I like that idea. You rock. I do want to call him and hang out more. I would also like HIM to call ME also to show he's interested. I'd feel like a idiot always calling him.

It's well established that we're friends, I guess I'd like to know if he's interested in more. I think we're both so inexperienced that neither of us know how to push it to the next level. I certainly would like to take it there, and I haven't pushed.

I should probably just stop being such a chicken sh!t and not care what he thinks. I'm sure confidence is so much more attractive than doubt!!

Thanks for the input guys.

[Gigabitch]

Bit of advice: Don't do all of the work. He has to contribute. You want a boyfriend, not a puppy.

[zro]

in my opinion from your post i would say there is a good chance he likes you, thing is about shy guys - maybe its just me (i dont know if he is actually shy, i am just going on what you posted) i will not make a move until i am CERTAIN that it is going to be reciprocated (sp?), you should call him - be fairly direct and brief, dont play stupid games, but also as mentioned dont go over board with it, in my case anyway i like my own space and sometimes enjoy being alone... let him know you are interested and then wait for him to respond

[enterprise]

in my opinion from your post i would say there is a good chance he likes you, thing is about shy guys - maybe its just me (i dont know if he is actually shy, i am just going on what you posted) i will not make a move until i am CERTAIN that it is going to be reciprocated (sp?), you should call him - be fairly direct and brief, dont play stupid games, but also as mentioned dont go over board with it, in my case anyway i like my own space and sometimes enjoy being alone... let him know you are interested and then wait for him to respond

i completely agree with him, i say make your move then the balls in his court. but like he said be direct shy guys like to be certain.

[ves]

OK, now I know. He does like me. I just got back from a very long date, which he called me for. Ended up making out and staying the night (behaving myself).

[Junket]

OK, now I know. He does like me. I just got back from a very long date, which he called me for. Ended up making out and staying the night (behaving myself).

Good job.

I like hearing about how these things turn out.

[vashti]

Bit of advice: Don't do all of the work. He has to contribute. You want a boyfriend, not a puppy.

I agree. You also don't want to be in the position of having to be the boy all the time.

[Only-virgins]

(behaving myself).

Yea right............