should i try to change?

[zro]

Hi gals, i want you to reply to this with brutal honesty

I am a 22 year old student currently studying accounting (its not as boring as it sounds) in my last semester, i have limited experience with girls, mainly because i grew up in Kuwait (in the middle east) then when i moved to where i am now, the way the two sexes interact was totally different, it took me a while to adjust, i had a few one night stands but never a proper relationship.

My personality is "weird" to outsiders to say the least, i am quite confident in some situations but in others i wont say a word. I can have a bit of temper but in the same time my consiounce (sp?) wont allow me to take things too far, i have been called "unapproachable" by some - and to be honest thats the way i like it, you see I have a stutter (speech impediment), at best it can be hardly noticeable at worst I cant even say my own name without having a facial seizure. Which brings me to my problem, it is very daunting to even think about approaching a girl, let alone a girl that i am intersted in (that along with my lack of "girl talking" skills complicates things), all the girls that i have been with have approached me, and even then i tend to be picky especially about personality (girls who talk too much or are overconfident are a major turnoff for me) and have rejected the advances of about 75% of them - recently though i see some girls, not many (i am not a good looking fella, just average maybe a tad on the ugly side) giving me eye contact and tend to stare at me from time to time (like in class/lecture or sometimes on the bus), but i never do anything about it - do you girls care if a guy doesnt have the "charm" like others may? what about the stutter - would it be a turnoff? is being unapproachable a bad thing?

sorry for the long post

thanks in advance

[weirdy]

You shouldn't worry that much about stuttering, or looks. If a girl really likes you, she could see that stutter thing, or your nerdy appearance as a part of your unique charm.
But, what you SHOULD worry about is your own confidence. Are you satisfied with yourself? If YOU don't like your looks, pronunciation, or whatever, you should try to work on it.

Ok, you don't like overconfident girls. But she must be confident enough, right? You would certainly get bored with some depressed girl that isn't satisfied with her own self.
Same goes with girls.

[Gribble]

If you're unapproachable women aren't gonna approach you very often, now are they? Work on developing a sunnier disposition or deal with people avoiding you. As to the stutter problem, if you show a girl that you're a decent person she won't have any problem with it. And if she does she's not a girl you'd want, anyway.

[vashti]

I don't know objectively how bad your stutter is, but I know you can usually get help correcting it through speech therapy. I agree with Gribble, though... unapproachable is NOT a good quality if you want to have a normal relationship with a girl, so I'd work on that.

[zro]

thanks for the replies

Vashti - i went to speech therapy when i was younger, it only seemed to make things worse, as i would tend to think more about it - which in turn would make me more nervous and the result is that i would stutter even more, to be honest i have learned to accept my stutter and if someone doesnt like it.....**** them

Gribble - You have a point, but the problem is more often than not, is me avoiding people, i dispise talking to strangers/people that i dont know very well, and you are right i have figured out along time ago, if a girl does not like me because of my stutter, she is not worth the dirt off my shoe

weirdy - I think my problem is not lack of confidence, i am a realist, i am not the best looking guy out there but i am not the ugliest out there, I lift weights weekly (not big but quite strong for my size - 5'5 and i hover around 70 kilos) and i also box regularly, the fact that i have NEVER approached a girl in my life yet i have had about 30 girls approach me (not at the same time, during the course of my life) is proof to me, that my looks are not that bad

The problem IMO is the talking part, it seems to me anyway that guys these days have to jump through hoops to impress the girls, my self respect wont allow me to wear a pink shirt or "gel" up my hair for the only reason to impress another human, i also tend to have very little respect for most girls and guys, i went to a club the other weekend, most girls were wearing skirts that look like table cloths, i thought to myself "if i ever catch my sister in a place like this, i am ripping her head off" - the thought of trying to have a normal conversation with them made me feel sick, there is no denying that my stutter gets alot worse around girls, and in my head i start to think "whats the point, why am i doing this to myself" - there a million guys out there who dont have the same problem,

sorry for the convulted post, i ranted a little bit

[Gigabitch]

Well, you're clearly not going to meet your Miss Right at a club. Try to figure out where she'd be and go there instead.

Maybe you could find a really cute speech therapist.

[zro]

yeah i really dont like clubs, music there is shit anyway and its way too loud to talk to anyone, i was thinking today (along with the posts in this and another thread) is that a stutter/disability is actually a big deal for females, obviously some will be naturally put off (i cant change or influence that and wont try) - and i think as women get older and start thinking about family and kids, i am sure that they dont want to pass something like this to their kids (stuttering for most is a genetic thing - my dad stutters), to be honest i too would be worried about passing this onto my kids especially as this world is relying more and more on communication and verbal skills

thanks for the replies