Nervous Crush or Subtle Message

[Holdme]

A girl/boy who is one of your friends is quite nervous being left alone with you, but is perfectly fine having a conversation with you whilst with friends or whilst messaging you over the internet.

Does this mean he/she likes you and may have a crush on you and they are just nervous to talk to you? Or does he/she think you may have a crush on him/her and are trying to tell you to leave him/her alone without hurting your feelings too much?

I would also like to discuss whether you think the boy/girl is doing the right thing if or if not she has a crush on you. And how her actions would affect you if you did have a crush on her or if you where just a friend.

[anachronistic]

It could mean a lot of things. There are other factors that effect the outcome.

My guess is your crush is feeling nervous around you in person. This is only resolved by talking and being together more. Just continue to hang out with them around other friends, and hope things change for the better.

If they don't, then it's best to move on.

[Holdme]

Once we are in a conversation she seems to be fine, its just getting into one thats so hard.

I started crushing on her before the holidays and during this time I started being quite nervous around her and sometimes even blanking her say if she waved at me from accross the room i'd pretend I didn't see or if she walked past me I wouldn't look at her or say hello. I was trying to let the love die because I didn't think it was right to have a crush on one of my friends. I then noticed she started doing the same thing to me so I started to think she might be mirroring me. So I started talking to her more and thus she started talking to me more.

However it seems are lack of contact throughout the weeks holiday as she was working more or less everyday, I obviously didn't have the guts to ring her, has landed us back in the situation we where before.

Well I think we're all thinking the obvious solution is "so just start talking to her more again". The problem is she seems to rush out the room at the end of my classes before I have a chance to ask how she is. I remeber when we where standing opposite each other once. I wasn't looking at her but I decided to becaue I wanted to speak to her. When I looked up at her she was doing what I was doing, looking down at the floor but directly facing me. I felt that she didn't feel very comfortable so I decided not to speak to her which made me feel a little bit angry with myself. So I turned and left the room with one of my friends. As we left the building I said goodbye to my friend. I herd my crush whisper goodbye to me but I blanked her because she had confused me and I'd managed to hurt my own feelings.

To confuse me even more her best friend keeps attempting to leave me alone with her but she just won't stay. I'm not sure if this is because she as a crush on me or because I have a crush on her.

I also keep having these strange dreams where it will just be a normal day at school, I might talk to her and she will smile at me and then i'll wake up. We won't kiss or anything like that. I guess i'm having these because I am frustrated and want to know that I haven't hurt her feelings.

[Gigabitch]

You are emotionally irresponsible and clumsy. Stop being such a flake.

[Ellynn]

oh, I've so been here before......

If she didn't like you like that, she wouldn't be so nervous! At least thats how I get around certain guys I like. Plus, if you talk to her, she will talk to you right? She will be friendly etc. If she didn't like you, she would completely ignore you regardless of how you act.

I think your afraid she senses you like her and aren't sure how she feels and therefore are trying to act the complete opposite. (I totally know how that feels also.) But, that isn't solving much is it?

What you need to do is lighten things up a bit. Step back from it all and just try to relax and try to just be friendly. I know things feel awkward right now, but you need to get them back to a place where you both feel comfortable. You said before that when you initiate talking to her, she will talk to you. Just talk to her then! Theres no harm in that right? I think the better you get to know each other and the more you talk, the easier it will be. Ignoring each other doesn't solve anything and just makes things harder. (I've learned this from experience.) So, so what if you give off that vibe about liking her. Im sure deep down she is flattered. I think if anything your mixed signals are confusing her. So try not to!

So if you are being all friendly to her and everything and if she starts to ignore you even then, then you will know it was only you feeling this. When two people like each other, they do mirror each other. If you are being hot, she will be hot.....and if you are being cold...same thing.

I hope this helps, keep us updated!

[Holdme]

Thanks for the advice guys/girls. Ellynn you are very understanding of my situation.

Today was good, I found it quite easy to be relaxed probably from the lack of sleep I had from going to bed at 3 and getting up and 7.

We did some filming for media studies today, I talked to her directly more than I had been doing. I could tell she was still nervous as when traveling through different rooms she seemed to fall behind so I kept waiting for her and holding the door open. I think she said "you know you can come and talk to me" and one point when I looked back at her, didn't really hear what she said as I had said something at the exact same time. Talked to her for a bit anyway even if I did mishear her wasn't for long though as we were trying to do work.

I got her to smile at me today though which makes a change from the expressionless face shes been giving me... and i've been giving her. Shes going to London tomorrow with her friend shopping and then going to a concert. I managed to get to say "Cya and hope you have a nice day tomorrow", she seemed quite suprised when I said that to her.

Gotta wait a wholllllle day before I can speak to her again! If things go smoothly I might ask her out at the end of the week.

[Ellynn]

See there you go....was that so hard?

Just be friendly....see where it leads.

If she likes you, she definately will notice the little things you do and what you say. I think its worth a shot on asking her out.

[Gigabitch]

That's much better than looking right through her (so hurtful!)

[Holdme]

I'm gunna try and flirt with her alot tomorrow when we do filming again. I've been talking to her alot on myspace and she came on MSN last night which is odd because she NEVER goes on msn.

I got the hint that she wanted to speak to me as I said I was going to sleep on MSN but left my Myspace logged on and she left me a comment asking why I was still lurking around which is strange because I always normally have to start the conversations.

She said thanks for stickng up fo her when my m8 annoys her. I said she was the best, so I hope shes picking up that i'm hinting that I like her. I don't mind falling into the "friends zone" if she doesn't like me but i'm trying to make sure knows i like her.

For anyone in the same situation I was what i'm basically doing is not caring if she knows I like her and looking at the situation as if she likes me. So once i've gotten her to the stage where she will talk to me openly without being to nervous I will ask her out. The solution is to just think positive.

I'll tell you how things go tomorrow. Thanks again for your help

[Holdme]

Update: We couldn't do filming today because the damn camera had no battery left. However I did get a chance to talk to her before lesson. She actually approached me. I think her friend might of deliberatly turned up late so I could speak with her alone, her friend knows I have a crush on her, and when she turned up she kinda had a big smile on her face so I figured something was up.

I did notice a few things when i was speaking to her today though. She didn't look at my face much. She was much more talkative though as I finally managed to have a proper conversation with her about what i'd done yesterday and about what she'd done in London. She even showed me the tickets they had to see the band they liked. She said she wanted to do filming today even though I could tell she was tired from the previous night. Also normally when she goes on a night out the next day she won't even come into school the next day. I wanted to see if she wanted to speak to me so I stopped the conversation and smiled to myself (I was enjoying her company). She asked me what I was smiling about and I just said one of my friends said someting earlier.

Filming tomorrow instead now soooo I hope everything goes well again, hope I can get her to smile more at me and look at me more. Think she likes me?

[Gigabitch]

Yes, but she's insecure. Be careful with her. I think it will pay off.

Maybe she doesn't look directly at you because she's afraid you'll read everything she's afraid to show you right there in her eyes.

How about that?

[Holdme]

I remember the last time she looked me in the eyes. Its like the world around disapears, your heart sticks in your throat and you feel so nervous that you look away even though you know you don't want to. You want to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much you love her but the sad thing is.... you can't. And then in your dreams you just sit and talk to them for hours. Sorry just venting some emotion here!

How can I be careful? Shall I avoid invading her personal space for the time being until she feels more comfortable? Shall I try to be less forward about my feelings and not force her into conversation with me? how can I make her feel more secure?

I take it you mean shes afriad to show her feelings, good or bad. Hopefully good though.

I can tell its just me shes nervous around because when her friend arrived she was very chatty with her. But you know girl talk, i'm only able to slip in a few comments because I have no idea what they are gossiping about!

Its amazing how good it feels to talk to her. The nervs just seem to vanish.

[Gigabitch]

What I mean by being careful is protecting her little ego: stop smiling and not telling her why (insecurity could make he worry she's done something dumb you were laughing at), never blank her again (you dick!), make sure to talk to her every day.

Remember, this girl is going to be your girlfriend. You know this. I know this. Every little bit of effort you put into this thing with her is an investment in your future happiness.

[Ellynn]

Maybe she doesn't look directly at you because she's afraid you'll read everything she's afraid to show you right there in her eyes.

How about that?

Giga hit it right on the head. Thats how I am around guys I like. Sad that Im 25 and still do this....but it's true.

[Holdme]

O dear, I ****ed up today.

Day started with me walking into school early making sure id be there on time. When I got to school i was then told I had a ****ing business exam. I went to the media room and waited for her for 5 mins, she didn't show so I went to the library to do revision. I text her saying I couldn't do filming cos I had to revise but I'm in the library if she needed me. Shortly after she came into the library and said she had just come in and we organised to do filmng at lunch time. She took me by suprise when she came into the library, she was talking to me normally like she does with everyone else. Didn't talk for long though it was like and in and out thing. I felt so nervous when I spoke to her today. I also found out her friend hadn't come into school yet either (trying to set us up AGAIN). I slapped myself for saying I had to do revision.

So I failed the business exam and lunchtime came around. I went to the media room... waited for 5 minutes... and noone showed so I went back to the lunch room with my friends. I figured if they were going to do filming they would come and tell me. BAD MOVE. For the whole of last lesson she would not speak to me even though I sat next to her. I know she didn't want to speak to me because I herd her say it to her friends. She wouldn't let me engage in conversation with her as she put her headphone in the side I was sitting -.- . And anything I did say to her she replied unenthusiasticly or didn't take much notice. No I did not like beig blanked.. and yes I have learnt my lesson, but her playing mind games with me is not helping.

So... I've come home and sent her a message saying sorry and I told her i'd make it up to her by giving her her valentines gifts that I was too chicken to give her. I feel like such a jerk, probably because I am.

I tell you how she replys to my message if she does.

She replyed:

'Sorry to hear about the business test. Booooo
And dw about the filming, me and becky couldnt really be arsed with it anyway
Why did you think i didnt want to talk to you anyway? Its not like i was purposly ignoring you or anything!
Can we talk about this face to face tho, i hate doing things over myspace
Its up to you about the rose and the card
You didnt hurt my feelings okay?'

So i'm waiting for a reply on when and where she wants to meet.

Ok so i'm going to meet her tonight at the school because shes going to see the school production. I'm nervous, one of my friends is going to be there, and she wants to talk to me before the show for a "little chat"... not good? I swear I am not going to flake out. If I don't go it just means akward situations at school tomorrow. I hope she has something nice to say to me...

And shes just said "just tell me how you feel, you're my friend, i'm not going to judge you". I don't like that word friend right there... I'm so nervous.