Making moves

[Exodus]

Hey guys. What are some things you can do to move a situation on from just a first date/hanging with friends thing, to something more. I'm shy and haven't had much experience so I dunno what I should be doing. My friend says I need to do something if I want to go out with her. We all went out to the carnival last night and I was talking with her a lot just about nothing. I could never really find a moment where I would wanna do something like make a move to put my arm around her or anything though. Ended up the night with my friend talking to her while I was away doing something and then she asked me to call her tonight.

So what are some stuff you can do to try and advance on somone? I've got the going slow part down, I want some advice on going medium-fast speed I guess .

[Exodus]

Well I called her up and it wasn't what I expected, she was out with her friends so we didn't talk long. She told me to call her up this week when we could hang out. I'm pretty sure she likes me though, I was thinking about inviting her over to watch a movie and then we could get a little closer.

[PandaCivic]

slow down there buddy! don't make any fast move like that just yet! get to know her first. be around her friends too. to show her you are outgoing and such. if she told you to call her that nite, she should have been at home or waiting for your call at least, but take your time. is she's worth it, you'll be happy you waited.

[Exodus]

I'm only gonna be here for 3 months, then I'm leaving for college. I'm not looking for a long term relationship. Besides, I was talking to my ex(which is my good friend now) and she said I need to do something if I like her then. We've already been out together 2 times.

[PandaCivic]

so you're just looking for a fling? if that's the case then there's no sense in doing anything special. whats the point of starting any feelings if you're going to leave them anyways? just go and have fun with her. if you're going to want to be more physical with her, she might take it as something in the relationship department. be careful on this one.

[Exodus]

Yeah i dunno, saying a fling makes it sound bad. I do like her, its not like I'm just doing it for a little action or something. I dunno, we'll see how it plays out I guess. I've never had a long relationship before, so I don't forsee actually being together 3 months if something got started. I guess thats the reason why I'm wanting to do this. I feel kinda bad for having feelings for somone when I know I'm going to be leaving, but I feel like I want to do something about it. Honestly though, I've always done things for other people in my life, for once I kinda wanted to do this because I wanted to. It's wierd I dunno. I've been moving around so much the last couple years I havent had a chance to get to know many people or have relationships.

[Ironliftr3]

[QUOTE=PandaCivic]slow down there buddy! don't make any fast move like that just yet! get to know her first. QUOTE]

I disagree, don't let yourself fall into the dreaded 'friend zone'. If you're interested in her romantically, TREAT her like you are. Even if that means just putting your arm around her waist momentarily, or touching her occasionally to see what her reaction is. If it's good, then ask her to do something WITHOUT friends along. Treat it like a date, follow the same casual touching path, and go for the good night kiss at the very least. The worst she can do is say "I just want to be friends", and nothing is lost. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[PandaCivic]

maybe that's why i have so many friends and none of them are my girlfriends! i need to re think my strategy.

[Bonovox40]

I agree with Iron. Obviously your intentions are to enjoy your time as much as possible before you head out. If anything, make the first move. Something as simple as putting your hang on her back, taking her hand or brushing your hand along her arm when you lean in to talk with her can give you a good idea of what she's feeling. Just be subtle but make it "not friend like". With that I mean for instance, if you met your buddy you might shake his hand or pat his shoulder for a moment. Well, with her, make it longer. Keep your hand on her waist or arm long enough to have it not be a coincidence. She'll let you know if it's unwelcome or not and if it isn't, then no big deal. She shoulnd't freak out and then you know.

If she's cool with it, then have a good time and continue to keep up with the non-sexual touching. If she doesn't resist or brushes you off or if she returns the touching (hand holding) then expect a goodnight kiss (or even kissing before hand) to be good to go.

If she gives you the impression that she WANTS to have something more happen physically, then go for it. But if you don't want to hurt her feelings or give her the impression you're using her for a fling, tell her about you leaving if she doesn't already know. If she STILL is cool with you pursuing her and gives any feelings back, everything is fair game and you saved face with her too by being honest. :-)

Good luck and make a move SOON or else you'll be stuck in the "friends only" zone till you leave her.

[Exodus]

Ah thats good news. I was hoping that somone else might be thinking the same way I was thinking. Thanks guys, I needed that little bit of confidence. I think I'm gonna call her up tonight and see if she wants to go to the mall or see a movie or something like that. I'll have to let you guys know how it works out and I'll come back to see if anyone else has given some more advice, the more the marrier to me

[Exodus]

Score, I just talked to her on msn for a while, found out her SN from her friend. I tried to call her earlier but she was doing stuff and didn't answer. Talked to her for a bit and she brought this up herself. She asked if I had a girlfriend, said no and it went from there. We both said we liked each other, then we talked about how she was just in a relationship. I told her how I was leaving in august.

The Jist of it was that she said it didn't change anything that I was leaving, but to know that she's not rushing into anything because she still had a broken heart. I still feel like we made good ground today, she's going to call me tomorrow.

What are you guyses openions on this sitiation?

[sfalexi]

Although I will add that the decent thing to do would be to let her know your intentions up front. Don't talk on the date about getting into a relationship. Simply tell her right upfront that you're just hanging out and wanna have a good time while your here on vacation. But that's me and I'm a very honest person and so will push others to do so as well.

Alexi

[Exodus]

Well ya know, I mean I wouldn't mind getting into a relationship with her though. I mean the only thing that messes it up is the fact that i'm moving, if i wasn't moving then I would... do you get what I'm trying to say? It's like I do but i don't... can i just say moving sucks?