Why do people commit?

[Gribble]

Well, why do they?

I read the posts here. Most of them fit into one of three categories: A) You meet someone but he or she isn't aware of your existence. You suffer. B) You meet someone and you fall madly in love. You're happy. C) Two months after scenario B you're posting about the awful breakup and the never-ending pain and how life is no longer worth living.

What in the hell is the appeal there? Is there something I'm missing? What do you get from those relationships that you don't get from a really great friendship other than a brief spike of joy followed by drawn out anguish? Sure, there's sex. but sex can be found outside relationships. Hell, celibacy would be preferable to the misery some of you express.

Please enlighten me. I've pondered the aforementioned question most of my life and I've yet to find the answer. I'd like to hear some opinions on the subject.

[The Great OV!!!]

I wish I knew. The thing is that not all scenarios "B" are followed by "C"...I am giving people the benefit of a doubt and believeing that some relationships actually do go on till the people pass away. Other then that what else is there? I say better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. I have been missing someone for 9 years now and you have no clue how this anxiety feels ...but I think that I still wouldn't trade the memories of them for anything.

[vashti]

Love is like a drug, and we are all junkies. I bet you will be, too.

[The Great OV!!!]

Love is like a drug, and we are all junkies. I bet you will be, too.

+1
Best post ever, I agree, Infact I would go as far as to say we are born love junkies.

[Sami09]

i agree why do people commited in the end someone always seen to get hurt. Yes i know why i guess because they would rather fall in love. It seen like your heart needs to break a bit before you can be with the one you want or love.

[Tiay]

I agree with OV and vashti.

all good things come to an end, but they are still worth having. And of course, B doesn't always lead to C.

[anachronistic]

Because I want to share my life with someone. I have already been through the '**** everyone and leave' feelings. Now, I want to settle down with someone that I really care about. Ofcourse there are problems, and no relationship makes it without a fight. And sometimes breakups happen, but we over dramatize the afterfeelings. Eventually they go away, and most people are inexperienced, and unaware, that they can't live without a certain person.

[Junket]

I just do what feels right.

There isn't much reason behind it.

Though, I could make up something if you like.

[Taranee]

It's a free choice whether or not you commit. The answer varies from person to person. However whether or not you're in love with someone isn't a free choice. I think I'm usually in scenario A. That's because I analyse the situation and unlike others I'm not selfish. For instance if I like a guy I'm not going to jump on top of him if he's already involved. Many people choose to do just that. So I'm actually happy to be in A.

Also nowadays it seems as if people are desperate. They feel just a little butterfly and they are all over the person. Without even thinking realistically if they are really in love or if it's just lust. That eventually leads to a breakup.

You can get a lot from a good relationship where both people are equally involved and where there is actually love involved. To me friendship isn't enough. A relationship helps me to grow. The person brings out the best in me. It's also a feeling of safety and love.

[Sooky]

Oh how I loved reading you're post!!! Gives me a chance to waffle on about emotions, relationships and love yet again... and oh how I love doing that!

Love is like a drug, and we are all junkies. I bet you will be, too.

I totally agree here and chemistry seems to very much support this. Love just like all other emotions is dictated by biochemical reactions in the brain. It ranges from incredibly complex reactions that create long term-sustained feelings for someone to more simplistic highs and lows generated from momentary surges of chemicals.

From my own experience and I admit its pretty limited. I would say that love and the need to be in a relationship can sometimes make very little, even no logical sense. However, relationships can make sense when there is a mutual benefit to both partners. Having someone to love and share your life with and having someone who loves you, can bring a certain security to your life.

Being human with our many emotions and natural desires, many people feel the need to be in a relationship, the need for long-term companionship. Of course this ‘need’ varies from person to person. Generalising guys tend to be less willing to commit, wanting to spread their genes to as many people as possible etc. But usually to a large extent it comes down to your genes, and your past experiences of course, as to how inclined you are to commit to a long term relationship.

My theory is people’s decision to commit comes down to 2 factors, their genetic make up and they’re past experiences.

I totally agree that scenario B can all too easily lead to C… of course it doesn’t always and the time in between can vary from days to decades.

Now, at this point in time I favour A. I’d even go as far as to say I think A is brilliant,the ultimate solution!!! Means you can experience some of the best aspects of being in love with very little pain, or hurt. Of course there’s the pang of loneliness that will sometimes vibrate through you, but if you can learn to live with that and be happy with less then you’re set! I confess I haven’t totally mastered it yet.

But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that for me relationships tend to mean pressure and stress. The ‘need’ or ‘over-whelming desire’ to be in a relationship has also hit me many a time. I’ve come to realise why put yourself under all that stress? Why let you're brain chemicals make you dizzy with love. I mean yeah if one day I meet someone and we click then great, but why put you’re self under pressure to be in a relationship?

Anyway the harsh fact is in the end it all comes down to brain chemicals, so if love strikes what can you do? Not much sometimes.

All you can do is go where love (brain chemicals) take you…

[Gribble]

Thank you all for your input. It still makes very little sense to me, but I guess that's the nature of the beast when it comes to emotion.

Sooky, I kinda agree with you. Between societal pressures and the very composition of our minds, we humans aren't as free as we'd like to believe. (Interesting fact: Activity in the brain's motor cortex begins 5-600 milliseconds before movement actually takes place, the conscious decision to move occurs 200 milliseconds before movement. Therefore the conscious decision to move comes too late to be the cause. - Dr. Susan Blackmore)

Like Fras suggests, I'm gonna do what feels right; be that to continue along the track I'm on now, or pursue a path more in line with tradition. And who knows, maybe one day I'll meet someone and I'll feel some of that stuff you people describe. Here's hoping that day doesn't come for a long, long time.

Taranee: Could you explain how a relationship helps you grow more than a close friendship? Aside from intimacy, what's the difference?