dying out love or plain rejection

[gu_babe]

I am surprised to find myself actually ending in this terrible state of needing to seek love advice as I usually think of myself as a rational, well controlled person but in this case can;t quite work out what happening and really confused.

the circumstances for this relationship had been developed from quite a complicated condition.


Firstly, she is way way older than me and I cannot bring myself to believe that there was in any way possible for a relationship to develop (even if there was one).

it all started when I was still at uni, (sorry i realise the lameness for this) and she was sort of a high ranked academic. I never had a good impression of her because of her smoking habits and I remember seeing her standing outside smoking a cigarette with a bruised eye and a terrible miserable look on her face, which is a sign of big NONO for relationships, who knows what her private life is really like? She is also a soft spoken person but from what I heard from other students she actually yelled f*** due toa students grades in front of another student in her office. When I spoke to her, she never said that, but she always seemed to want to hear me speak instead of her speaking. PLus she doens;t have a wedding ring on her left hand so I really had not a single idea where she got the black eye from despite I know that some ppl dont wear rings even if they are married.

The only emotion i generated as a result of her misery is empathy and sympathy.

She graduated from an elite university and I respected or even admired her with that, not because of her ability but because of gender.
At her class I usually sat at the backrow and listened, she is actually a boring lecturer and if it wasn;t my intrinsic interest with her I wouldn;t had paid attention. Gradually things begin to happen, she realised that this funny student (with not so great grades at that time) sitting at the back of class, sometimes smirks at her dry jokes and she started giving me eye signals. She usually tilts her head to one side letting her hair down and then brushing them back which makes it even more messy...causes me to want to mock her silently as she does it all the time, not only when I am there. She also enjoys making sharp comments to embarass students. Believe or not, I felt that she wanted to pinch my butt once in a class after I did a presentation, thanks but no thanks, I dodged it as it seemed too embarassing for it to happen publicly

This tension happened for a few months and sometimes at the end of her class whilst everyone was dispersing, she would stand there and give me a still look in the corridors when I am standing at the other end reading notice boards. What is saddening is that I dont want to make it look obvious. Once during class, she rubbed her 4th finger of where the ring should be and looked at me, I was clearly baffled at what I saw even tho I knew clearly she was trying to convey a message to me in which I find it hard to fathom. but it was nevertheless a comforting situation for me to know that with a mature woman of her age, who could easily just laugh off at the trviality of us young adults, to stop and pay attention.
Even more so, I;m grateful of her for being so tolerant when I rejected her and she did not react with retaliation but instead let me seek the path in how to behave correctly.


i feel that the following is the breaking point of my story:
During the year, I accidentally walked in a corridor near her office after hours and heard some quarrelling happening between her and a male in which the male snapped back at her argument. I was too scared to do anything at that time (given that it was supposed to be after hours for students as well), but a few days afterwards, I asked her about it directly and she kept on denying that anything had ever happened, then I believe things turned sour. The next time I saw her, her head was turned away (I feel shame and disgust in that) when she saw me walking into the theatre and sitting down. I guess that marked the downfall. Sometimes I bump into her, she would distantly say a cold 'HI'. What was I to say? I was a stupid fella who made her felt privacy being intruded and made her felt that I was stalking her (although that night I worked till 2am for a year project which counted a large portion of my final degree class).

Upon graduation, I returned to my home countryto find work. I knew a friend of mine who was in the year below and told me that she actually asked how I had been doing.

however, on new years day 2007 I sent a few ecards to the staff but I didn;t get a notification that she opened it whilst the others had all done that. To me, I believe that she probably just deleted it and she did that because she knew that the notification would be sent and would give me false hopes. To me, the message was trying to tell me to just simply F*** off and leave her alone as she grew annoyed of me.


sorry I will write more up when time allows

[Mathias]

Okay...what's the question?

[gu_babe]

Can anyone tell me what it meant for her to not open the ecard? Could it be a sign that she has regretted having some unrecognized relationship? it would make me sound like a total failure if she does because it meant that she believe me to be an unworthy individual.

Should I even think of sending her another ecard next holiday? The ecard I sent on new years eve was sort of out of impulse.

despite my pessimistic suggestion I want to know how outsiders look at it. Thanks

[Gigabitch]

I support you in your pessimism, and also in your conclusion that she is displaying NONO signs. The picture you've painted here is of someone I'd never want to meet. She's intriguing to you, but dangerous.

Move on with your life.

[gu_babe]

thanks mate...
gut feelings are never to be ignored...

I may never know the exact reason why she decided not to open the ecard but eitherway... that is a sign enough to deter me. It may not be my problem in the first place at all.

and yes you were sooo right into the idea that I am intrigued and curious with her mysterious facade rather than truly wanting to develop a relationship with her because i had wrongly imagined that the only way i can de-mystify is through developing a relationship with her.

The last thing i want to hear is that I was dumped because of some unprecedented flaw of my own character.
I can smell danger although my rational side is suggesting me that nothing can go really wrong for a woman like her with this academic calibre and social status.

I am also surprised at how she appeared to be close to me in the beginning but then distant when I was about to graduate. It certainly wasn't simply the issue of love unrequited, I could had been a scape goat. The staff all seemed to know sth that I didn't as they usually walk along the corridor with a 'knowing' smile.

[Gigabitch]

Eeew. I hate the "knowing smile".

She sounds like a fascinating character from a movie.

[JohnsonROd]

YOu're truly an intelllect, but when it comes to women you sound clueless... Sorry pal, you had your chance when you were in the same country as her...

Go after a girl in your own country

[gu_babe]

Yea... man but it sounds disgusting....esp in the whole situation I was a sitting duck which exagerrated it, made me felt like I was being used.
F***ing your own lecturer which is significantly older than me..... I will be too embarassed to ever sit in the room again in her classes, all the flirting was a good memory tho i admit hahaha
plus I still wanna further my studies I dont wanna give myself a bad reputation with that.

Maybe I shouldn't had pry-ed but I don't want myself to delve into something that i don't have good enough knowledge about.

If I smell trouble, then I would reject it no matter how sweet it sounds

[Ellynn]

Yea... man but it sounds disgusting....esp in the whole situation I was a sitting duck which exagerrated it, made me felt like I was being used.
F***ing your own lecturer which is significantly older than me..... I will be too embarassed to ever sit in the room again in her classes, all the flirting was a good memory tho i admit hahaha
plus I still wanna further my studies I dont wanna give myself a bad reputation with that.

Maybe I shouldn't had pry-ed but I don't want myself to delve into something that i don't have good enough knowledge about.

If I smell trouble, then I would reject it no matter how sweet it sounds

First off, your thread is probably one of the hardest ones to read or understand. Sorry, but its true.

From all of this, I gather you have a thing for your instructor huh? Personally, I wouldn't go there. Even if she was interested, chances are things would blow up in your face. Not worth the trouble or drama if you ask me.

[gu_babe]

Yes I reckon it's hard to understand based on the read counts of this thread.
I do have a 'thing' for instructors but that stay in fantasy...or to say she is the prefect fantisizing object
but still I prefer normality in real world

It's funny how enticing things can be when they aren't meant to exist. The more impossible it seems, the more a person wants it.

[Ellynn]

Yes I reckon it's hard to understand based on the read counts of this thread.
I do have a 'thing' for instructors but that stay in fantasy...or to say she is the prefect fantisizing object
but still I prefer normality in real world

It's funny how enticing things can be when they aren't meant to exist. The more impossible it seems, the more a person wants it.

Oh, I know what your saying. I never understood what the fuss was until this past year. (I had a little crush of my own.) But, lets be logical. Even if that person is of interest to you, think about the consequences if anything were to happen. She could lose her job, you could be kicked out of school. Not worth it in my opinion.

There will be someone else that comes along that will be available and single. The only reason you focused on her is because she was there on a regular basis.....when no one else was. I know you cannot control how you feel, but the harsh reality of it all is what should keep you from acting out anything. Keep your school life separate from your personal life. Good luck!

[gu_babe]

True. I had graduated btw...and left the scene unscathed!! hoooray! At the beginning, I had naughty thoughts about it,because it was an entirely new experience for me and the possbilities implied really made me restless. but as time passed it kinda subsided and I found it disgusting to have thie thought towards a woman and i felt sorry that she had to be exposed to my desires this way ... but still, I felt as if it's an addiction lingering at the bottom of my mind.

I have a little secret though, I am still a virgin boy so didn't want to give my first time to a lecturer.


I remember on the day of graduation another lecturer (married) walked past me on the aisle and acted 'funny' in my perspective. Funny is the only word I ccould describe it because I couldn't fathom her 'reason' for this 'funniness' so I really felt weird and slightly embarassed.
All in all, she just so happened to exist regularly and offered me some sort of emotional comfort in terms of attachment because she portrayed a soft spoken persona with a musical tone in her speech, I find it so hard to believe that she was the opposite when others told me abt that since I never saw her behave in the 'alternative' manner. maybe i just had a crush on her

So in other words, she was my surrogate mother(even if she wasn't aware) *lol*. but outsiders dont look at it this simply, I am almost certain that they had sth else in mind...


I do wonder though how she thought of me... i.e. does she think of me as a prick? or a serial emotion cheater? I would be so sad if she felt of me negatively just because I believe in the principle of leaving a normal impression if not an excellent one is still better than leaving a bad one.

[Gigabitch]

Well, you certainly were popular with the.... more mature ladies, weren't you? Did you have any social interaction with women your own age? Maybe you should try that and see if it doesn't change your virginity statys.

As far as what she thought of you.... I'm afraid that she ultimately thought of you as a boy. No matter what other descriptors you want to apply, they probably include the words "unripe", "green" and "niblet". She didn't take you seriously enough to think you were a prick.

[gu_babe]

Am I supposed to feel sad or happy over how she thought of me as a 'boy' and 'green'. at least i didn;t make her feel that i was a prick with this naivety. if she feels she can only maintain a relationship with a person who looks and act mature then I dont feel I had lost anything. I am honest with myself that being mr right. does not restrict itself to behaving well, making ends meet and earning bread money. Even if she turned her cheek away from me... just let her, my existence is not dependent on her although seeing her regularly did give me some comfort.

I'm glad she didn't take me seriously because it meant if I was a prick i didn't have any responsibilities that I have to concretely act on, which will be easy on my emotional side. Call me a disdainful, rebellious person in aspects of love if you may, but it had proved me right over the years.

I dont know why i am 'popular' with mature ladies...but its been like that since i was 15/16.

[gu_babe]

sorry for my overreaction just now...

all i can say is that i had been disappointed knowing that I hadn't impressed her enough.
but either way she's nearly 20 yrs older than I am...it would had been scary too if I could impress her given this age difference