She says she loves me, but I don't feel it yet...

[fitnessguy014]

Hey all---been dating my girlfriend for over a month. I know automatically, you say "only a month and she said 'I love you'?!?!" but I was never one to put a time limit on love...

but anyway, she's been in 3 very bad relationships in the past---she was cheated on in all 3, and basically treated like garbage. when she told me the stories, I felt horrible. I was always one to treat girls the best way I know how (I've only had 1 other relationship), and she's no different. just an all-around truly genuine, caring, and amazing girl...I'm definately strongly crushing on her and really care about her a lot, but I don't know if it's love yet.

SO: she said she loves me---is it real? Part of me thinks since i'm the first guy she's been with who treats her well, that's why she thinks it's love? could it really be love for her?

And what do I say when she says it to me (which she does often)...any help is appreciated!

[Ellynn]

Ok, first of all, if you don't feel it yet, don't say it!

Second, she may LOVE a lot of things about you or the IDEA of being with you, but I doubt she loves you yet. Maybe she's getting to that point, or whatever. She probably loves the fact you treat her good. (kudos to you btw!)
But, to different people, love means different things. Some easily throw "love" around while others don't. Just because she says it does NOT mean you have to say it though. Say it when you feel it.

[fitnessguy014]

Thanks for the reply...

And funny I read it as she was calling me---I never sya it back, and we've had the talk about it before. I just don't know what to say back! Im not gonna say "thank you" thats just weird, you know? She says it to me very day a few times, and like I can't say "don't say it anymore," but just now she said it to me, and I didn't say anything (usually I'll say "you're beautiful" or "you're amazing") and she started to cry. she said "Im not gonna say it anymore...it hurts too much not to hear you say it back"

GUYS WHAT DO I DO? I don't feel pressured to, but at the same time how do I say 'it's too soon?' I've brought it up saying I don't thinkit's really love, but just the idea and cus I treat her better than her ex's, but she's confident it's love. How do I tell someone their feelings could be false, you know? this whole thing is just sort of throwing me off about what to do...

HELP!

[Ellynn]

Yikes, way to put you on the spot huh? And she brought out the tears too.

Why not explain to her your thoughts on the words "I love you" and that you will tell her when you actually feel that way. Tell her exactly how you feel about her right now. Tell her something along the lines of "I think I'm falling for you" or "Your an incredible lady." Be honest. But do NOT cave until you are ready. (can you believe I'm a woman and Im saying this?)

And NO DO NOT tell her "thanx!" after she says "I love you". Thats the worst any guy/person can do.

I remember the words popped out of my ex's mouth a month after we were dating. I was speechless, but did not feel that way about him yet. So, I said something like "You're incredible" and left it at that. I only told him I loved him when I actually felt that way.....which was a few months later.

So let her know how you ACTUALLY feel right now.

As for her feelings. You cannot tell someone else how they feel. Maybe it is love to her. Who knows? Don't argue that fact. Just let her say what she wants to say. But stick to your guns.

[Sami09]

First dont say i love you if you dont mean it yet wait till you are ready dont let your gf push you into it. Saying thank you isnt right either when my bf said it to me i wasnt ready yet so i didnt say it till i was totally ready and he was a bit disappointed hw got it in the end.

[fitnessguy014]

I've never said "thank you", I was just using it as a BAD example of what to say in that situation...

I usually say "you're beautiful" or "you're wonderful" to her, but she says it a lot---and it never bothers me, I'm totally fine with it.

We actually just spoke about it---and she said she's positive it's love. So I guess I just don't worry about i, enjoy our time together, and when it's right, say it?

I've just never been in a relationship (well ive only been in 2) that someone has said "I love you" to me this early, (it'll be 2 months Jan. 3rd), you know?

[Ellynn]

Glad to hear you never said Thanx afterwards. Yes you were right that THAT is a bad example of what to say.

If it doesn't bother you that she says it, then let her. If she feels that way, then let her.

Say it when your ready. Just have fun right now and enjoy being with her. The words will come to mind when your ready.


Yeah it is a bit early on to say those words. But I think after being burned so many times, it is a comfort and relief to have someone like you in her life. Nothing wrong with that.

Good luck and just go with the flow.

[fitnessguy014]

Thank you so much everyone for listening, responding---especially Ellynn, reading your last post made me feel very good (I usually don't about myself), so a special thank you to you! I guess it was just kind of a shock to me so early to be feeling that you know? But I thought about it for a few...

I just called her and told her that I trust her word and feelings, and if that's what she honestly feel, then it's great, and I won't worry about it anymore...and when I feel it, I'll say it.

[Sami09]

King zarathu why do you care what i look like. Where are you from?

[vashti]

King zarathu why do you care what i look like. Where are you from?

He has a crush on you, Sami. You know how boys express affection by punching you in the arm? That is kind of what he does to you - he is giving you an e-punch in the arm every time he talks to you.

[vashti]

Feel that punch in the arm, Sami? True love, it is.