Father/daughter

[Taranee]

This subject is really embarrassing to talk about. I was wondering if it ever happened that your father has acted kind of funny?

Did he ever like checked you out? The reason I’m asking this is because well, recently I’ve often caught my father staring at me. And at my body. He never stared at me like that when I was a little kid. It's making me feel really uncomfortable. Should I be concerned about this? He is my father and I love him very much but I don’t feel comfortable enough to discuss this with my mother or siblings. Which is why I came here.

I haven’t noticed him looking at my siblings in the same matter. Any thoughts on this? Is this normal?

[King Zarathu]

This subject is really embarrassing to talk about. I was wondering if it ever happened that your father has acted kind of funny?

Did he ever like checked you out? The reason I’m asking this is because well, recently I’ve often caught my father staring at me. And at my body. He never stared at me like that when I was a little kid. It's making me feel really uncomfortable. Should I be concerned about this? He is my father and I love him very much but I don’t feel comfortable enough to discuss this with my mother or siblings. Which is why I came here.

I haven’t noticed him looking at my siblings in the same matter. Any thoughts on this? Is this normal?

Show us a picture and I'll tell you if there's something to look at on it. It's possible he was just zoning out on you, reliving memories with you when you were a child.

[Henry123]

How old are you aprox? Its quite possible that its maybe the way your dress??? If not it maybe something alittle more serious. I would speak to a school counselor or social worker about this.

I once met a women from a friend who was sexually abused by her father. I heard a number of years ago her father was finally arrested and charged for incest (thank God!) after all those years.

Dont hesitate talk to someone immediately. I think there are also child protective agencies, women shelters and other agencies that can be of help.

[Gigabitch]

Tar, if your instincts are telling you it's messed up, I would listen to them. Trust yourself. Avoid spending time alone with him in the near future.

[King Zarathu]

Dont hesitate talk to someone immediately. I think there are also child protective agencies, women shelters and other agencies that can be of help.

But that's just more bullshit and drama. Didn't she already say that she didn't really feel comfortable talking to other people about it, hence the fact that she came to an anonymous forum?

[Kiechi]

I agree with everyone else... unless you find him attractive. Go for it!

Incest, a game where all the family can play.

[vashti]

I don't think you need to jump to the conclusion he is actually INTERESTED in you. It is normal for a father to try to guage what other males may be thinking when you leave the house, and the only way they can do this is by looking at you. Are you dressing provocatively? If so, he may be wondering how to go about telling you to cover up without embarrassing you. He may also just be remembering back to when your mom looked like you.

You should know by now if your dad is a creep. If he's given you no reason to think otherwise, I would certainly not assume the worst.

[Henry123]

But that's just more bullshit and drama. Didn't she already say that she didn't really feel comfortable talking to other people about it, hence the fact that she came to an anonymous forum?

We dont know that for sure. We really dont know her home situation.
I met some people who had some really messed up home situations.
I think its best to resolve a potential problem befor it escalates.

It may not feel comfortible but sometimes its best to get such things off your chest. There are alot of people going through hell because of things that happen to them like sexual assault, incest, physical abuse etc and they werent ready to talk about it. Its really in their best interest to do so. Going through years of therapy isnt worth it.

[Henry123]

You should know by now if your dad is a creep. If he's given you no reason to think otherwise, I would certainly not assume the worst.

But what if it is the worst?
Its a dangerous assumption with serious consequences.

I think in her best interest we should presume the worst.

[vashti]

But what if it is the worst?
Its a dangerous assumption with serious consequences.

I think in her best interest we should presume the worst.

I think one day when you are a father, you will regret making such silly asumptions. I shouldn't have to tell you that MOST men are not bastards, and since Taranee didn't indicate he has a problem (yet), you shouldn't assume one.

Taranee - the next time you feel his eyes on you, just look at him and ask him if something is wrong.

[Henry123]

I think one day when you are a father, you will regret making such silly asumptions. I shouldn't have to tell you that MOST men are not bastards, and since Taranee didn't indicate he has a problem (yet), you shouldn't assume one.

I know not all men are bastards.
How is it "silly"? You should also take into consideration her physical and mental well being. That should be the PRIORITY. There are literally thousands of people who are victoms of sexual assault each year. All the sorry in the world is not going to help.
Nobody here knows her home situation.

.... since Taranee didn't indicate he has a problem (yet), you shouldn't assume one.

If you re-read my post I DIDNT indicate there was a problem.
To qoute myself: "....Its quite possible that its maybe the way your dress??? If not it maybe something alittle more serious. "

[vashti]

ooohh!! Allow me to quote you, too, and tell me: Do you not see the hypocrisy?:

I DIDNT indicate there was a problem.

I think in her best interest we should presume the worst.

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Nobody here knows her home situation.

There are literally thousands of people who are victoms of sexual assault each year.

More importantly, however, if HER post:

He is my father and I love him very much...

You know, jumping to conclusions and making these sorts of accusations can ruin a man's life. It is POSSIBLE her dad is a pervert, but the vast majority of men don't hit on their daughters, and I don't think there is enough here to make one jump to the conclusion that he is one of them, and certainly not enough to take it to the authorities. Again, I think it is best to NOT assume the worst, and simply ask him what he is looking at next time.

On the other hand, if there is anything more substantial to tell us, Taranee, then you certainly should. Does your dad have a history of being a creep? Is there more to this story?

Also, is he noticing you, or is he actually leering?

[King Zarathu]

Pwned by Vashti.

[Taranee]

My parents are extremely private. Whatever happens in the family STAYS within the family. My father is highly protective. He seems like that guy from “Father of the Bride” only he’s worse. You can’t reason with him. You can’t talk to him. Talking about a guy leads to a WWIII. Being friends with a guy is like you have committed a sin!! He acts as if I can get pregnant any moment of the day! I don’t know if my father has a history. It’s not as if he is going to tell me. My parents don’t tell me anything about their past. For instance: when I was little I once asked my mother “where” they went for their honeymoon. She replied by saying “I don’t discuss sex with my children.” I was left confused. I mean that’s just a normal question right? I didn’t ask what they were doing. In our culture, yes, it’s taboo. You don’t talk about it. It’s viewed as dirty and unholy. To be more specific:

1. I don’t dress like a prostitute. If I did dress provocative my parents would not let me leave the house. So I don’t think it’s because of how I’m dressed. Besides that my parents see sex in the most innocent little things. I wanted to take a belly dance course (only women) for instance they gave me a 6 hour lecture of how that is directly related to sex. The only way that lecture ended was because I assured them I wouldn’t take the course.
2. Vashti, I’m not jumping into any conclusions. I’m simply asking whether or not this is normal and/or something I should be concerned about. Because I don’t remember anyone around me ever talking about it.
3. I didn’t say he was a creep or a rapist or anything of that sort. However I have considered moving out. We have a lot of problems and I don’t want to be causing more problems. The point is I “can’t” leave because I will have to quit school and get a fulltime job. Even with the job I have now besides school I don’t make enough money to survive on my own.
4. Reliving memories? How come he doesn’t relive those memories with my older siblings? I’m the youngest. When I hear my mother talking about the good old days, she always talks about the happy times before I was born. My parents didn’t have time to make wonderful memories with me. They were to busy arguing and trying to solve family problems. I’m just following their orders. DO THIS! DO THAT! And you know what I am the one in the family who has accomplished the most. I got a degree. I’m the only one going to university. I’m doing everything just to make them proud. It’s like I don’t exist. No matter what I do it’s never right. They're still ordering me around!!
5. I don’t think my father will go any further than staring. I hope he won’t. I mean if he wanted to rape me or anything like that he could have done it already.
6. Having a sexual relationship with my parents or anyone else in my family is OFF LIMITS!! (however my mother does know stories about my father’s family. Apparently my aunts didn’t care about this. No stories of my father are known as far as I know!)
7. My father NEVER considers whether or not I get embarrassed by something or not. Instead, he’s “shouting” his opinion about anything whether in the house or outside the house. He doesn’t care. HIS will is command.
8. I have considered that it might be because I look like my mom. However my oldest sibling looks the most like her. I look like both my parents. Like I mentioned before I don’t notice him looking like that at my siblings. Also I’m beginning to think my parents hate each other. For as long as I can remember they are fighting like cats and dogs. Right now they are having yet another WWIII. They ignore each other. My mother tells me she’s making plans to leave my father. I feel like shit. It’s going to be a wonderful Christmas this year.
9. Yes, there has been abuse in our home.
10. I can’t just go ask my father why he’s doing what he’s doing. I learned at a very young age never ever to question my parents. Especially not my father. When he looks at me like that I just act like I don’t notice.
11. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life. Especially not my parents. I want them to be proud of me. Yet I don’t think that’s possible since I’ve already tried everything.
12. Vashti, English is not my native language so I had to look up what you mean by “leering”. So to answer your question: Yes, he is leering.
13. I’m 23.

[Kiechi]

Whats your native language? Also, let's marry.