Just A Crush?

[jockster]

Hi Guys - Ok let me start by stating my situation - I'm a 24 year old guy in a long term relationship. I'm not really a player. I'm quite experienced in the ways of the world, I've had long term relationships (4 years +), short term relationships, one night stands, crushes and so on. I'm not a weirdo, perv or psycho and if my friends knew I was on a love forum I'd never live it down!!!
So, recently I started working with this girl and when i first saw her I was lyk wow! she's gorgeous (and way outta my league - looks like a movie star!) and then that was it, I never thought about her much after that and didn't see her too much. Recently we have become a lot closer and we often go out after work in the same small group for drinks and so on. Now that I have gotten to know her she is the sweetest and nicest person I've ever met, we have really compatible senses of humour, lots in common and gradually I have been falling for her more and more and we email each other all day chatting and so on. She is now all I think about - she is my last thought at night and first in the morning... Last week she told us all about a chocolate bar that she loved but hadn't seen since she was a kid and by chance I was away for the weekend and found one. All I could think about was getting back to work to give it to her. I left it on her desk anonymously and seeing her face light up when she saw it made my week... I dunno what the hell is happening to me? I've had crushes come and go in the past but nothing like this. She is also in a relatively long term relationship but she never seems to talk about him? Perhaps if she talked about him all the time I would register that she was taken and be able to move past this? The sensible side of me keeps saying I need to move past this and that she might not even like me in that way but then the other half of me is lyk nooooo you can't she's so great maybe something will happen with her and this is your soulmate! I'm completely torn... I know it would break my girlfriends heart if she knew I felt like this and that kills me but I can't help it - Right now I feel like I'm falling quickly in love with this girl and I don't see, or want, a way out. Do I carry on and wait this out and see what happens? do I work to try and move on? do I talk to her? Who knows? - Any advice from some open-minded neutrals would be very welcome????? Thanks guys...

[Gigabitch]

Yipe. What a disaster waiting to happen, right? Okay, here's what I think:

This is the BEST it will ever get with her. Right now it's all excitement but no one's gotten hurt yet, so there's nothing to feel guilty about beyond that nagging voice in the back of your head known as your conscience. Right now, she is perfect, flawless, because you haven't crossed the line. Yes, if you got together with her, it could be better in some ways, but you'd still have the knowledge that you had hurt others.

Were you unhappy with your gf before you met Miss Wonderful? Has having had these feelings made it impossible for you to ever be happy with your gf again? If you feel that you're no longer capable of being a good bf to her, regardless of what happens with MW, I think you should consider gently separating from her.

Then there's the fact that MW herself is not available. Of course, she could become available, but I'm not sure how often that actually happens. I'm thinking you should read some of hurtdude's posts.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/showthread.php?t=14895&highlight=hurtdude[/url]

I'll bet she's enjoying herself with you also, but it's unlikely she's going to ditch her guy for you.

Protect yourself. You could get really hurt in this situation.

[Mathias]

Dude, you need to take a step back.

Are you having problems in your current relationship? If you're not willing to throw it away and be single, you should NOT be pursuing this. You're going to get hammered if you do.

[Ellynn]

If you really wanna pursue this girl, get out of your current relationship first. Its only fair to your gf.

[vashti]

Yes, your heart doesn't seem to be in the current relationship. Let her go so she can find someone who loves her.

The new girl? You can worry about that later.

[jockster]

Thanks for your thoughts and advice guys. reading through my post I can see why you would think my heart isn't in the relationship and I don't love her and so on - However, my heart is in it and I really do love her though and thats why I'm having such a hard time with this. I think it would be hasty to end a 4.5 year relationship with such a great girl based on feelings I've been having for someone else for only a few weeks (albeit some pretty strong feelings?) I spent most of today with MW (as you call her) and we had great fun and lots of nice talks as always. Perhaps I'm just getting caught up in the excitement that an amazing girl like this could actually be interested in me? As I have mentioned she is the most genuinely nice person I have ever met and so no I can't imagine her wanting to cause hurt to anyone... Perhaps if I just wait this out the 'Romantic' feelings will pass and I'll be left with a good friend? Seems like the safest way to play this even though right now I feel like I want a bit more than that but I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side.