Why do we have relationships?

[beebee]

Hi guys,

My question is, why do you think we have long term relationships? I know there is obvious reasons of love, enjoying time together.

But in the animal world, the males try to mate with as many females as possible and don't stick around.

Stripping it down to basics, I know women can only have one baby every 9 months but men can make as many women preganant as he wishes....

So why do we stay in relationships, is it because society expects us to? x

[Gigabitch]

I'm not a guy, but I have input here.

Can you think of anything much more helpless than a mother and young child? A guy who pulls a "conceive and leave" exposes his progeny to terrible danger. A fully functioning male sticks around to give his sprogs a fighting chance, you know? Hangs around outside the cave to fight off animals, hopefully clubbing some of them for dinner.

[Mathias]

Because there are more important things in life than banging random chicks.

[King Zarathu]

is it because society expects us to? x

My answer is yes. It is natural for us to be polygamists and **** all the women we can. That is why gay couples rarely stay with the same man for long. The only assholes stopping us are those godforsaken females!

[Ellynn]

I think its because animals are limited mentally and do not have that connection that people form with other people that bonds friendship with sexual feelings.

I mean yeah, some people have no connection when it comes to sex and relationships, nor do they crave it. These people probably were either hurt at one time and are bitter or they just don't feel a need to stay with one person. They are content with just the physical side of things.

While others have an instantaneous connection or a connection that happens over time. Its more then just physical attraction or lust. Its basically a sort of friendship plus the sexual feelings. The combo is what forms that connection.

I think society, more or less, does limit that connection for many people. Otherwise you would have that connection with multiple people (poligamy is an example.) IN that certain religion it is acceptable. In the real world, it is not. That is why its illegal. So yeah society definately plays a role.

[Sooky]

Been a bit of a loss for things to do today, so thought I’d have a go putting something together here.

I agree with Gigabitch that evolution can favour long-term pairing. As males that stay to provide/ protect for their young, improve the changes of their young surviving to maturity. I think this is especially true in the case of humans, as human babies are particularly dependent on their parents. Most other newborn animals are quick to their feet (like calves and foals) and mature much more quickly so are not as dependent and a single parent is often all they need.

Actually I was doing some reading around on the web and found these interesting points-

“The first human mothers had to carry their infants in their arms instead of on their backs like other primates, so they needed mates to help them survive.
On the open plains, where early humans lived, one man couldn't effectively protect a large group women and their children, but he could protect one family. So individuals who formed pair bonds were more likely to raise their young and pass on the brain circuits for attachment.”
-The complex chemistry of love, Bancroft C. (2004)

I also agree with Ellynn that human intelligence lets us link friendship and sexual attraction, so we can form a much stronger bond with our partner. However, romantic love, like all emotions and drives, is controlled by chemical reactions in the brain.

It has been suggested that romantic love is like an addiction as higher levels of dopamine (the neurotransmitter linked with happiness) are released when someone is experiencing romantic love. As a result, many people will suffer withdrawal type symptoms after a break-up.

“Parts of the brain that are love-bitten include the one responsible for gut feelings, and the ones which generate the euphoria induced by drugs such as cocaine. So the brains of people deeply in love do not look like those of people experiencing strong emotions, but instead like those of people snorting coke. Love, in other words, uses the neural mechanisms that are activated during the process of addiction. “We are literally addicted to love”
See - [url]www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html[/url]. (Pretty long article I’m afraid, but really fascinating stuff.)
and- [url]www.sensualism.com/love/druglove.html[/url] (again very in-depth stuff here, but all interesting ideas)

There seems to be different stages of “romantic love”-

1. Lust - Linked to testosterone in both sexes. This is the sex-drive (craving for sexual gratification)
2. Intense Romantic Love - Linked to the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine. This is the love that causes an individual to idealise a particular partner.
3. Long-Term Attachment – Linked to oxytocin and vasopressin. This leads 2 individuals to form a calm, secure, long-term union.

So to conclude I’d say, humans have evolved for long-term attachment and society often reinforces this, with marriage etc. Of course many people (especially males) will still tend towards polygamy when love isn’t involved, because without love, lust (sex-drive) will often be the dominating influence on behaviour.

Well I’ve written more than enough to fill in my post, so I’ll stop. =P But as you can see once you get into it the whole concept of romantic love, and where it comes from, its a fascinating field.

[Junket]

It is untrue that all animals just bang and move on.

There are quite a few species where the male feels the need to stick around.

Beavers for example act very much like your nuclear family.

I wish I knew the name of them, but there is a bird who pair bonds for life, and if the female dies, it's rare the male will look on to find another mate.

We're really not as strange as you make us out to be.

In fact the strangest thing about our species is that we don't really have a standard.

There are males, even females, are that don't mind the "**** and move on" habit, and there's plenty of their counter parts that will stay together for the long haul. Our mating habits definitely vary.

- This was brought to you by your resident LF "Love Pro".

Here's another look into things...

Researchers observe that these different strategies are revealed in the size of an animal's testes. Chimpanzees and gorillas provide a nice example. Chimps are promiscuous, and gorillas are polygynous. Male gorilla bodies are about four times bigger that male chimp bodies, but the chimps' testes are four times larger than gorillas'--sixteen times larger, proportionally.(4)

The chimps have larger testes because it is important for them to have sex with many females and spread their seed. They are not committed to any one female, and they have no assurance of the survival of their children because they are not obligated to care for any particular one. Gorillas, on the other hand, are committed to a group of females. They devote less energy to spreading their genes and more to protecting their territory and providing for their females and their children. Thus, they do not need larger testes (4).

These same ratios are noted in butterflies, frogs, and many others. Based upon this criterion of relative testes' size, humans fall into the category of monogamous/polygynous (4).

[Gigabitch]

What do you think about the concept of overpopulation impacting the human aminal's pair-bonding instinct? Too many monkeys resulting in a decreased desire to make more?

[Junket]

What do you think about the concept of overpopulation impacting the human aminal's pair-bonding instinct? Too many monkeys resulting in a decreased desire to make more?

Does that really happen?

I mean, has that type of behavior been observed?

I can see why people/gov't would do such a thing, but do you think it really decreases a human's desire?

[Gigabitch]

I don't know. I remember reading something once about this group of monkeys that was really overpopulated, and researchers observing all sorts of anti-social behavior occuring, including neglect of offspring and aggression.

And we are just a bunch of monkeys with car keys, after all.

[Junket]

I don't know. I remember reading something once about this group of monkeys that was really overpopulated, and researchers observing all sorts of anti-social behavior occuring, including neglect of offspring and aggression.

And we are just a bunch of monkeys with car keys, after all.

Yes, but we are fairly private.

Monkeys tend to live in close proximity of each other and as a result will have to compete with one another for space and food.

I suppose if a family living in a single household were to bang out a enough youngins the result would be similar. Too much effort would go into raising the pricks the adults wouldn't have too much time or energy left to bang out another one.

But otherwise I don't see it as a reality on such a large scale as a country.

Scratch that, major cities in China and Japan are good examples as the households are much smaller per family.

[NeoSeminole]

if you are going to compare humans to other animals, then compare us to our closest relatives - the apes. The males usually have a harem of females they mate with, but they stick around for protection until another male overthrows them.

[dreamer101]

well just because a gorilla remains committed to a group of females doesn't mean that he is involved in a 'relationship' per say. i would argue that there is more to a 'relationship' than simply sexual partners, you know like that thing call Love?

And although it is a GB's point is valid about protecting offsprings; that doesn't compute either because that is not the basis of wanting a long term relationship. Yes that is prob a reason why someone might stay committed to a relationship but not why he/she would want one.

i think we all want long term relationship because we are all scared. scared of being lonely. its deadly and it leaves a lasting impression. we might be the most advanced species out of them all but our greatest flaw is our need for companionship. lasting companionship.

[Sooky]

i think we all want long term relationship because we are all scared. scared of being lonely. its deadly and it leaves a lasting impression. we might be the most advanced species out of them all but our greatest flaw is our need for companionship. lasting companionship.

I totally agree. Our emotions urge us into these relationships and chemical connection sustains them. Most people will be naturally swayed into relationships, to seek out companionship, partly due to this fear of being alone.

I just wish we could step back from our emotions and fears to gain a clear logical view of the world. Thats what I try and aim for, but those damned emotions keep pulling us back, making us irrational. Thats why so many relationship issues, so much of love, confuses the hell out of us; because more often then not our emotions cloud our view and we can't see straight.

Before you ask or imply it, I'm not drunk. I'm just fed up with emotions. Why even my anger towards emotions, is dictated by the very enemy I fight against! How bitter the irony that strikes me.

[Zach]

You shouldn't try to fight emotions. Emotions are what make us - us. Learn to control and embrace your emotions. Then you can be happy ^^

I agree that loneliness is a major factor in why we all strive for lasting relationships.