Some advice needed.

[LeoSD]

As you may have seen, I have been here only a short time, but gladly offer any insight that I deem appropriate to offer for certain people's situations. Well, I need some insight.


About three years ago, I met a girl on a dating website. After one night of talking on the phone, she came over the next day. We had all sorts of fun just cuddling, watching TV shows, etc. This continued for three weeks. I was experiencing feelings I have never experienced before. She was PERFECT.


And then I got scared, scared of the amazing feelings she gave me, and I broke it all off. The drive was 4 hours for her and she drove every week to see me and we had a great time, and I broke it all off.

Ever since then, my mind went into a paranoia state concerning females. I can't let myself get close to one, I get paranoid and usually snap at them for nothing. I have a therapist, I try to explain, but she just doesn't understand.

To be honest, nobody understands my problems, or I think nobody does, but, I don't understand them myself. I feel like I cannot trust myself at times.

The girl is now living with her fiancee, due to be married 7/7/07. I quit talking to her, but I just can't believe it ended like this. She showed me what true feelings where, and I threw her away because of it.

I long to feel like that again. I wonder if this bed will ever see another girl that I can hold in my arms and honestly tell her I love her. And yes, I know three weeks is short, but, I honestly believe it was love.


I don't really know what the question is here, but, if anybody has any input on anything above, I would appreciate and consider it.

Thank you.

[Ellynn]

You were scared. Sometimes intense feelings for someone can totally overwhelm you. I think thats what happened with you. You just didn't know where it was going next, or maybe you were so afraid of losing it that you ended it before anything more could happen.

I know how it is to get scared by that. That is why I have been single for the last yr and a half. But, I got burned pretty bad a few times in a row. So, thats my excuse. I think my problem is that I look at the big picture too much instead of enjoying it all a day at a time. (Well that and most of the guys I dated were losers.) My problem now is that I don't want to get involved in fear that I will become attached to someone again and they will leave me or make me want to leave them. So it seems kinda pointless right now.

I think maybe that is your problem. You got scared because of all of it happening, and so fast. But sad to say, thats usually how it happens. Its incredible! The biggest mistake people can make is to not just go with the flow. They either become smothering or distant. In your case you were distant because you totally cut it off.

Now, I think you realize what you lost. Your bitter about that. You wish you had another chance, but its too late.
But I hate to say it but LDR rarely work out anyways. So maybe it was best you ended things. But, you also need to remember(and I keep trying to tell myself this) is that you cannot hold what happened with one person against others. So keep that in mind when it comes to other women. If you have an opportunity, you need to take it. Then just enjoy it while its there. There are never guarantees. Just have fun while you can. Something good is bound to come along. YOu have to give it a chance though.

[LeoSD]

Thanks for the in depth response. Yeah, I know its what happened to me. I'm trying not to be bitter, but its hard.

As for you, its not pointless. People live lives for many different reasons. I live to feel that strong emotion I felt with her again someday. I have learned a whole lot in the time of trying to figure out how and why everything happened as it all did.

And I ever do find a partner like her again, I know what to do when and if that feeling comes up again. Talk it over with her. Problems are a part of love. But no problem can last and take over unless the couple let it. I let it take over before the other had a chance to know.

[TDurden]

You need to replace the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel

[LeoSD]

Well I certainly appreciate the honesty, and yes, I will continue to stay in therapy. I know I should be over her, and I'm working on it.

[desperate_hubby]

Hey man,

This behaviour happens with all individuals.. men when they need some time for themself.. do go into their cave and would want to be left alone.. unfortunately you were in the cave when she started approaching you.. this does not mean that you are not eligible to get her back or any other woman in your life.. when you are back from the cave.. you found no one there from the opposite sex around when you needed them the most and as a result.. this is a void that has formed in you.. do please try meeting some therapists as suggested.. indulge yourself spiritually through some meditation.. hang around with your male friends.. force yourself to meet some girls.. who knows.. you might your lost flare coming back and you would start loving girls..

In case you consider the same girl, you were with.. do try talking to her initially as a friend without any expectations.. try gelling with her more if she does not resist.. see how serious she is with the other guy.. if there was flame in your relationship earlier.. it is a matter of time it would come up once again..

All the best...

[King Zarathu]

Mens Are From Mars and Women are from Venus

This quote is bullshit.

[LeoSD]

Thank you for the responses. I don't really have any male friends, or female. I'm pretty much a loner. I know, I should go get some, but I feel as if I'm not ready. I would like to be a good friend to anybody, and I can't do that with emotional issues like I have. I'm sticking with my therapist until I feel I can do it.

[beebee]

You were just afraid of what you were feeling. You were out of your comfort zone and although she opned something up inside you, your reaction was to snap it shut again.

You are afraid of being hurt and looking vunrable.

You should always be honest with the people around you and yourself. You felt after 3 weeks things were too perfect...something must be wrong. So you created bumps and drove her away.

There is no doubt she still wants you but you have to respect that she has a fiancee now.

It sounds like this girl was quite foward with her emotions, it is a natural reaction to feel uneasy when someone is so open with their feelings. Now you have had time to think it over...you realise all she was doing was being affectionate and true to her feelings.

I think the biggest issue here is you don't think you deserve the love ...but I don't know why! Talk to me x