Breakup depression and hopelessness

[elNatural]

Closure is VERY overrated.

I think I'm a pretty good case study in that.

are you serious? im very interested as to how forever wanting to be with someone that doesnt want the same is healthy or beneficial. can you please tell me how this is possible?

[King Zarathu]

Shut up.

[King Zarathu]

You're bullshit.

[King Zarathu]

Your * is bullshit.

[King Zarathu]

[King Zarathu]

That's what Jordyn said.

[Mathias]

are you serious? im very interested as to how forever wanting to be with someone that doesnt want the same is healthy or beneficial. can you please tell me how this is possible?

1. Yes, I'm serious. Four year relationship, got broken up with. Shit happens. Just two months later, I'm happier than I've been in about 6 years.

2. One day, you'll realize that "forever wanting to be with someone" only works if that person wants to be with you too.

3. Closure is bullshit. Learn to respect yourself, and remind yourself why YOU'RE a good person. **** them. They don't want you, that's their problem. My "closure" is that I know I'll find much more than I ever have before. Why? Because *I'm* a better person now.

4. Go make yourself that better person. Now.

[elNatural]

1. Yes, I'm serious. Four year relationship, got broken up with. Shit happens. Just two months later, I'm happier than I've been in about 6 years.

2. One day, you'll realize that "forever wanting to be with someone" only works if that person wants to be with you too.

3. Closure is bullshit. Learn to respect yourself, and remind yourself why YOU'RE a good person. **** them. They don't want you, that's their problem. My "closure" is that I know I'll find much more than I ever have before. Why? Because *I'm* a better person now.

4. Go make yourself that better person. Now.

lol what u just said i consider 'closure'. maybe i have a different definition than everyone else because i consider 'closure' to be when you are no longer affected negatively from your past relationship, that you are no longer 'hung up' on that past partner, you have moved on and am now better than before. this is why i was so confused at you saying 'closure' was overrated.

zarathu- can u give me a link to something helpful you have posted on these forums?

vashti- why is it bullshit to feel 'okay' or even better after a break up? im guessing you meant right after because to state that everyone should feel worse after each break up doesnt really make any sense unless you want to be depressed your whole life.

[Sooky]

1. Yes, I'm serious. Four year relationship, got broken up with. Shit happens. Just two months later, I'm happier than I've been in about 6 years.

2. One day, you'll realize that "forever wanting to be with someone" only works if that person wants to be with you too.

3. Closure is bullshit. Learn to respect yourself, and remind yourself why YOU'RE a good person. **** them. They don't want you, that's their problem. My "closure" is that I know I'll find much more than I ever have before. Why? Because *I'm* a better person now.

4. Go make yourself that better person. Now.

Sometimes at a point of crisis a person needs some form of closure before they can see straight. However, I agree that closure is often a wrong turn. It can be very hypocritical. I mean, I often get urges to send emails to my ex-bf or something saying-

"Damn you! I don't care that you dumped me! I'm happy without you and I don't need to talk to you ever again."

But saying that to him would just be incredibly hypocritical as it defeats the object. Knowing that I'm better off without him and not talking to him again give out my message much better than any email would. Sometimes you have a crisis point and logic slips out of phase with reality and you get strong urges to contact someone. If at all possible I'd recommend you try and resist those urges.

Emotions may win a battle and cause you to do crazy things every now and then, I know we've all been there, but don't give up the war! Logic and reason can prevail!

[elNatural]

Of course I menat immediately after a breakup. Genuine "closure" - if it exists - can only happen over the course of time. I don't think you can expect closure from having that one, last conversation with the person who dumped you..

I don't think you should expect closure right after a break up either, because if you can be comfortable and not feel any pain like that you are a rock and not human.

What do you guys think closure is? From what I've read it seems to mean you no longer care for the person you were with, but in my form of closure that never happens, because I'm still friends with all my past gf's but I just dont have that intimate relationship or commitement anymore.

It depends on the situation if you should or should not talk to your past bf/gf again. I can understand if a partner cheats or lied to the other, but if you are both just changing and no longer get along or have the same feelings as before than I dont see a reason as to why you cant stay friends. With this said tho, I do know it is healthy to spend some time not talking to absorb the fact that it is over before you start talking again.

[Gigabitch]

Sometimes I think closure is just getting the other person's side of the story long after the dust has settled. I've done that a couple of times, and I think it helped, but not with the initial healing over. I think closure comes much later. What you need now, Sooky, is to clean it out. Sometimes that takes a lot of tears, or anger, or whatever comes up. It will happen naturally, if you let it.

You don't really miss him as much as you miss having that space filled. People need people. I know you say he was your best friend, but honey, he wasn't. Otherwise, he wouldn't have left you out in the cold like that.

Just remember, one door closes and another opens. I know you're depressed right now, and this seems like a bunch of schmaltzy crap, but it's true, I swear. You WILL feel better.